CHAPTER SIX-STEP DOWN MOMENTS

"Can I have the baby?" Julia asked. "Please." She held her arms outstretched as Kelly handed Tarin to her. "Oh, how I missed you." She kissed him and she rubbed his small back.

"How are you?" Julia asked, looking at Kelly. She looked at her hand. How easily I am replaced...she smiled.

"It's not easy." Kelly replied.

Julia gave her an awkward look. "No meds." She said quietly to her.

"Not now."

"You'll be ok. We'll get through this and 100 other things." Julia whispered.

She paced the floor and she went in the addition and she looked in the cubbies at her people.  Thankfully Jay hadn't sealed off the stairwell yet. Her group was confused as to why the bed was downstairs, but Julia didn't feel like answering them at that moment. She felt like her private space had been invaded as they all initially crowded in the living room around the bed. Some were sitting on it. The sheets...she grimaced, having tossed a throw blanket over the bed. Jay had just moved that bed. He had just put it back together. They had just got around to being in bed together, enjoying each other that afternoon. She had finally stopped bleeding. Her body felt good again. She felt healthy enough. Strong enough. Ready. And it had been totally worth it. She wished she could wiggle her nose and move it out of the way. So much for one floor living, privacy, a year of planning and reconnecting to her boyfriend.

Physically she still felt good, but emotionally she was drained again. That whole afternoon had been a rollercoaster. Who had she shot and killed? No matter how many excuses she made to justify that murder, she still had to talk herself into believing she had every right to kill the living. That made her uncomfortable. Was there another way? Not with Alex at her side, no. She found their cubby and she went inside, taking a seat on the bed where Alex held a sleeping Julia, too.

"It's been a really bad day, kid." She grabbed his hand. "Anything I can do? Other than mess it all up?"

"Fuck him, Julia. You didn't-"

"Watch your mouth. What he said in anger, needed saying." She scolded him. Alex quieted. "Thanks for saving our girls."

"Mommy, she grabbed onto us when we jumped. I was leaving her there. You didn't want her at the fortress."

"She's your mom. If you want her, then-"

"She didn't even know who Julia was." He frowned. 

"I love you, Alexander." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I do."

"I love you too. We love different." He smiled.

"This is definitely different." She laughed. "Um, no jumping back and forth. You have the ability, but I do not want you doing it." She pleaded with him. "I know it's tempting and there's gonna be things you want and think you need. Please, it's dangerous. If you need something that bad, then you need to talk to me. Ok."

"Yes." He nodded. "But we left people behind."

"Who?"

"Care."

Julia looked at Julia, too. "Got room for both your females in here, Sir?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not really." 

Tarin started fussing against her chest, his small head turning toward her nipple, his lips brushing her shirt. Wrong mama, she thought, getting up from Alex's bed. She pulled the door closed a little and took the baby to the nipple he needed. Kelly was back in her own room. She handed Tarin over. "You know children go upstairs." She advised her. "Tomorrow, we'll work on sleeping arrangements."

"Thanks." Kelly said.

"They still out there?" Julia asked.

"Yes."

Julia was hesitant on leaving the confines of the house to get them. Tavin, Jay, Jody and Ray had gone out there after him. He was gone too long. He was in the dark and angry and armed. They didn't think he'd hurt himself, but they didn't want him left alone. She wondered what they were doing, what they were talking about, who they were talking about. She shuddered to think about it. Julia checked in on the parents who were sitting around her table drinking coffee. Sandy made it.

"Which water did you use?" She asked, looking toward the sink.

"It looked clean." Sandy said, pointing to the kitchen.

"Ok, you'll live." She sighed, thinking that she'd used the dish water to make coffee. Julia helped herself to a cup and cringed as she sipped it. "Cheers." She held up her cup to 4 parents who were not pleased. Cal had done his best to explain this farmhouse to them, having only been there once. He was baffled that it still existed. He believed that the place had dissolved once they returned. So did everyone else.

"Bathroom." John announced. "Where is it?"

"You're a man. Piss anywhere." She replied. "Otherwise, there is an outhouse."

"A what?" Sandy asked.

"Would you like to use it?" She asked.

She and Karen rose and flanked her on either side. Julia led them through the back door and down the steps. She led them to the outhouse. Julia opened the door for them. The women stood at the open door looking inside. She warned them to peek inside before they actually stepped inside to make sure there were no animals in there. She had that happen once. Scared her to death. Next question was toilet paper and Julia explained. Sandy was emotional, but Karen head inside first. They had a million questions. What if it was cold? What if it was the middle of the night? What if they had their period? What if...Julia answered all their questions as she had the same questions at one time. Sandy didn't react well. Karen, on the other hand, accepted this as her lot in life.

"How can you be so blasé about this?" Sandy yelled at her sister.

"I survived six years in state prison. This is life." She answered. Karen looked to Julia. "I am on the pill." She said.

"Not anymore."

"Oh, thank goodness I had the sense to tie my tubes." Sandy sounded like she was relieved for the first time since she landed on the farm.

"I am rather fertile." She reminded her.

"I'll take care of them too." Julia groaned. "Seriously though, there are ways to avoid-"

"Are we reverting back to the pull out method? I gave birth to the pull out method." She ranted, referring to her eldest son.

"Thank you." Julia said.

"And what is that odor?" Karen asked loudly.

"It is a farm. There's dead on the fence. You get used to it."

"Dead on the fence?" Sandy repeated.

"We will have a tour tomorrow. We will cover this. There are rules and there are routines. You will see." She explained. "For now, let us worry about it."

"Us who?"

"Me, Jay, Jody, Chess and Tavin."

She sent the moms off to the house back the way they came and she watched as they entered through the kitchen door. Once they were clear and secure inside the house, Julia sneaked around to the still. She approached cautiously. They saw her coming toward them, she wondered if it was safe to do so. She didn't say anything at first and Chess knew what she wanted.

"Everything ok in there?" Jay asked.

She nodded her response. She didn't want to open her mouth for fear it would erupt all over again.

"Julia, I said some things I regret saying to you." Chess said.

"Me too." She acknowledged.

"So, I'm sorry."

"So am I. Sorry."

"We having a meeting or-"

"Well," Chess said nervously. "We are having one."

"I see. We voted?" Julia asked, feeling excluded and hurt.

"Yes."

"Unanimous."

"Yes."

"Jody? Really?"

"Yes, Morgan." He answered.

"Ok. That's a surprise." She shook her head. "Ok, then. Cool. You-uh-know where I am if you need me." She turned on her heels and head back to the house. She stopped half way. "Um, the table is in there, Napoleon. Y'all don't have to hide out here in the bushes."

"Understood." He answered.

"Mayers? Really?"

"I can explain, Morgan."

"Awe, here we go." Jay whispered.

"It's not going anywhere. Jody, that bothers me. I am not sure why yet."

"Did you want in on the meeting?" Chess asked. "Julia, we can sit-"

"Wasn't it you that gave me the credit for dropping a nest and I wasn't even there?" She started laughing. Was this a joke? She walked a little further, then stopped again. "It's funny. Who were you all waiting for? Tonight, you went to a lot of trouble leaving me a message, so I would know exactly where to rescue you people. Cause that was your plan. Didn't see him doing it."

"Julia. Enough." Jay said.

"Yes, Jay." She replied.

"Morgan, we had a plan. None of you stuck to the plan."

"We had a plan for August of next year." She reminded him. "Not September of this one, Morgan."

She walked further away from them before she got off on a rant she wouldn't be able to come back from. She suddenly felt that all roads pointed toward New Jersey. "What a way to put me in my place, boys. Is someone writing this down?" She shut her mouth. She didn't have to prove herself to them or anyone else.

Julia entered the house through the addition and she passed the cubby doors that were closed. She passed the bed in the living room. She went through the kitchen and she asked her father for a cigarette.

"I don't have a lot left."

She thought a moment of pulling the gun on her waist to forcibly remove the cigarettes from his possession. "Dad, there's a field full of tobacco. Gimme a smoke." He slid the pack down the table and she took two and a lighter. She went on her front porch and she sat on the step at her farm house.

"Care, I am about ready to jump in there with ya, kid."

Julia sat for what seemed like an eternity. She'd fortunately had a nice nap and she wasn't tired. She wasn't in the mood to cry and she wasn't in the mood to fight. She would do, she decided, whatever Jayson wanted her to do. She had instructed him to think for her and damn if they all didn't do that. She chose not to complain. She chose to ride this year out and do what she originally intended on doing, making things right with Jayson. She listened to the activity inside her farmhouse. She listened as people's voices carried. She listened as Tia ran around the downstairs and had fun exploring Julia's house. She watched the stars twinkle in the sky, she watched the darkness in front of her eyes. Not a street light or lamp or candle in the distance as far as she could visualize. She glanced at Caroline's plot of land. The white sparkles of light danced above her like fireflies. She smiled.

Jay came out to get her and he took her in the house. He'd put the parents upstairs and he'd put Tia to bed up in the middle room. He felt as uncomfortable about the bed being in the living room as she did with all the extra bodies around. He led her to a room in the addition, his room, and she laid on the mattress like they had a million times before while he locked up and made sure they were closed in tight. He laid beside her and she curled up against him.

"Wanna talk?" He asked.

"No." She answered. There were probably a million reasons or excuses and she swore none of them would be good enough. She already knew why. She didn't need anyone telling her. "Mayers, Jay. That hurts."

"I know." He said, holding her tighter.

"I never gave him a reason not to trust me. The rest of you, yeah. I get it. But him."

"Not about that." He said. "It's not that you aren't capable. We have other plans for you."

"I refuse to prepare meals here. I am completely lost, Jayson. We're gonna die if that's the case."

"Yeah, the bread was not bread." He laughed.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened."

"You stay away from the kitchen." He ordered. "You wanna know now or wait till tomorrow?"

"I can wait."

Julia woke early to Jay's lips sucking softly on her neck, a hand up her shirt, fingers gently twisting her nipple. As he had her undress, he advised her not to wear clothes to bed anymore. "Yes, Jay." She acknowledged that she'd heard him. He instructed her to turn over and she followed direction. He placed his arm beneath her and pulled her bottom up against him, his hand on the small of her back, he told her, "Ass up." Like she had never had sex before, she listened to him. When he was ready, his hand gripped her hair and pulled her body against his. His hands moved her waist they way he preferred and even though she enjoyed this, she wondered if this was what he had Stef doing in the mornings, or what Stef had him doing to her in the morning. She let him have his fun although she thought it was way too early in the morning for all that.

Julia lay back down when he got out of bed. "What are you doing, babe?"

"Same thing I always do. I'm going back to sleep." She answered.

"No. You stick with me. Get up and get dressed. I'll meet you outside." He kissed her and left her to dress alone.

"Yes, Jay." She sighed, dragging herself out of her nice comfy spot. "It is too early for this." She mumbled to herself. She head outside with a water bottle. She drank half of it and took the other half to the outhouse where she used the rest to clean Jayson off her. "Gonna be a long apocalypse." She passed Chess on the way back to the house as he head to where she had just come from.

"Morning, Jules." He said. Wide awake and in the same clothes he'd worn there the day before. Not that he had a lot to choose from as she and Jay had just rearranged the entire house to accommodate two people not a group.

"Yeah, hi." She yawned as she head back to the kitchen. She tossed the empty water bottle in the empty bin and she head inside for coffee. Chess had dragged Sandy out of bed as well. In fact he had everyone up and moving. This was not boot camp...all these people do not need to be up this early...Julia groaned to herself. Sandy sat at the kitchen table with coffee and everyone helped themselves. Eventually that would run out. Julia dreaded the day that happened. She and Jay had just enough to get them through the year. At the rate they brewed it, it would be gone before they knew it.

"Julia," Sandy said, bringing her out of her thoughts.

"Yes," She answered.

"What are we doing?"

"Ask your son." She replied, sipping the black liquid from the cup she held. "I would assume breakfast." She answered. "Lunch is the large meal and the prep should start right after breakfast. Dinner is usually soup, left overs from the first two meals." She said softly. She didn't command, rather she explained the way it had always been. She thought about the field of food and she thought about harvesting that field of food, which was easier than planting that field of food. She dreaded spring already. Day in and day out of unending seeding. It was not fun, it was hard work, tiring and she hesitated to think about it. "We save the seeds. We dry them out and seal them in pre-labeled bags." She explained. "There's a process. I know how to do it."

The sound of the rifle startled them all and sent a couple people diving for the floor for cover. Strange, Julia thought. "Calm down. Jay bagged a deer." She said calmly. "The deer usually gather out front. It's why we don't bother landscaping out there by the road." She added. She looked at Uncle John. "I'd say you're going to be busy this morning."

"Yeah, I can do that."

Chess opened the kitchen door and looked at his dad. "Dad," He said.

"Yes, Julia told me." He said, rising with his coffee in hand.

"Where's Cal?"

"Not here yet."

"Wait for him. Julia, go."

"Go where?" She asked, looking at John. She didn't want to do the deer. "That deer is in good hands. Do I have to?" She felt the anxiety build as she started out after John. Jay had already made her slaughter one poor rabbit. She doubted she was ready to level up to a larger animal.

"No, go get your dad."

Julia followed directions and went upstairs to get her dad and she assumed she'd get Karen as well. She heard them before she got to the landing. Karen working on the next pull out method birth. She waited a minute or two, hoping this romantic interlude would end. She wondered whether Jay was a pullout method baby? No one ever bothered worrying about intruding on her very own interludes at that farm house, but she waited it out. How long could it last? She stood in the hall and Chess appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"Julia, what are you doing?"

"Um, they're-you know."

Chess climbed the steps, banged on the door. "Wrap it up. There's work to do." Chess descended the steps and Julia followed. "Hey, get out on the fence. They're waiting for you."

"Checks?"

"Yes. Is that a problem?"

"No, Chess. It's not."

"Show them the way it's done. Set up a schedule and give it to Jay."

"Zombie 101."

"Basically. You'll do it again later with the others."

Julia gave her speech. She wound the perimeter of the farm and she gave those in her 'class' tips and what if's. She showed them all the ins and outs of fence inspection, looking for gaps or rusted areas, broken slats or God forbid a breech. Fence maintenance was the utmost importance as it kept out the most undesirable aspect of life, the dead. It was their first and only line of defense. If there was a problem with the fence in any way, shape or form, then "Get Tom immediately."

Jay coughed to get her attention.

"What?" She asked, looking at him, upset he'd interrupted her.

"Who's Tom, Morgan?" He asked.

"Quit calling me Morgan. You know who Tom is." She answered, then she thought about it. "Oh, there is no Tom. Who do we get?"

"Someone's dad I would assume."

"Ok, get someone's dad."

As they trailed the perimeter, she attempted to show them the schematic of the spike system that Tom had developed. Although Tom was not present, his spirit certainly could be felt by her. This fence was his brain child, erected before they moved in there piece by piece. Julia couldn't even see over the fence without climbing.

"Me and Chess go out and look over the outside weekly. Jules, don't worry about that."

Julia gave them zombie 101 when they arrived at a body on a spike. It had been impaled through its torso and it hung there awkwardly groaning and the closer they got its movements became more animated, arms outstretched and bony fingers reaching and clawing for them. Jody found this entire set up unbelievable. He'd never seen anything so extravagant in his lifetime. He was fascinated that they could kill the dead and not get near them.

"This whole set up, Jody, gave us some security. We didn't have the hands for all night patrols and we still don't. Plus we don't have the lighting for all this. As dark as it gets, we only had the moon. At night, we have to trust the construction of this fence. Without it, if anything is overlooked or missed, we got trouble."

"What about people?"

"What people? We kill the people, Jody. No questions asked."

"Oh, ok. Why?"

"Because we do."

"That's counter productive to survival."

"This isn't about survival of society, it's about survival of us as a group. That's all."

"So we do not add people in?"

"We did."

"Who?"

"Jody, this walk down memory lane can happen at another time." Jay interrupted. "This can't take all damn day."

"Sure. Ok." He understood. "I think I got it. I can do this by myself."

"Yes, you could. Any of us could. We used to pair up."

"Why?"

"That's the way she wanted it. So, let's move on." Jay said, guiding the group ahead.

"It's still the way I want it." Julia stated.

"Not now." Jay cut her off.

"You know, it's fine what ever you people wanna do, but I will not be left out of the loop. It's my house."

"Jo, take them ahead, please." Jay asked, handing Jody his spear creation. "Jules, I'm gonna kill you." He droned, putting loose hands around her throat and faked a choking motion. "This is our house. No one is leaving you out of the loop. Please do your job."

"You know I need explanations. You know I don't blindly like to follow commands and-"

"Julia, all this is already set up. There's nothing suspicious about any of this. It's you showing them how to do what we do. They are new. It's a transition for them."

"Ok."

"You also know what to table and what not to table. Do we fight in front of them?"

"No."

"Fuck, babe, we have one fuckin meeting without you and you get all mental on me."

"It was an important meeting."

"I know. You went and pissed off every single person at the fucking table. Again."

"Fuck you." She said. "I created that table. I already earned that."

"Not this time."

"Any time. Fuck this."

"And then what? Fuck this, and then what?"

"Are you saying I have no choice?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I am saying."

"Am I on the table or not?"

"Kind of."

"You fuckers are walking contradictions."

"Please don't speak to me like that." Jayson raised his voice and that surprised her. She sat herself on the ground, refused to move. "You stay there then. I can't deal with the mouth this morning, Jules." 

"If this is you putting me in my place, then you can do better, but it's a start." She paused as he started walking away. "Are you angry with me, Jayson? Am I misbehaving?" She asked. She had to throw her dog a bone. She wanted that response from him. He obviously need some help or guidance. She would drop clues, but he'd have to come up with it on his own.

"What? Julia, you're being difficult."

"Ok, then. I'll wait for you." She shifted off her ass and onto her knees. "Is there anything specific I should think about?"

"How about you don't talk down to me or cuss at me?"

"Yes, Jay."

Jay finished up checks with Jody and the group and they all head back into the house for what would hopefully be a meal. Chess had assigned this task to his mother. Halfway through breakfast, Alex realized Julia wasn't eating with them.

"Where is Julia?" Alex asked.

"Oh, shit I forgot about her." Jay said, getting up quickly. He had completely forgotten as more than an hour passed and she was still out in the field.

"Where is she?" Chess asked

"Out there thinking. Damn."

Jay quickly crossed the field and he worried about how pissed off she'd be when he got there. He found the opposite. She sat still on her knees in the same spot where he left her. She had her hair down over her shoulders and when he approached her she was calm. She didn't complain. She was nice.

"Are you stuck?"

"No, Jay."

"Breakfast is ready." He said, turning to walk away. When she didn't follow, he went back the 30 or so feet to her.

"Remind me what I was thinking about."

"You tell me."

"I won't cuss at you or talk down to you anymore."

"Thanks."

"Can I get up?"

"Yes."

"Tell me to get up."

"Julia, stop it."

"You're transferring the title or not?"

"It makes me uncomfortable."

"Make it a boundary. Make up the rules."

"I don't know how."

"It takes time. You'll figure it out."

"You want that? Jules, babe, it's creepy. I mean, it's strange. Did that turn you on?"

"Jay, are you satisfied with what you did to me?"

"Sexually?"

"On any level."

"I don't know yet." He answered.

She knelt in front of him and she did look rather comfortable like that. She didn't seem put off at all. "Jayson, do you like me on my knees in front of you?" She had that look on her face that he'd seen a hundred times.

"Yes. That I like."

"Why? Think about it."

"There's a reason other than the obvious?" He asked, touching her hair.

"Yes. Think outside the realm of blowjobs." She suggested. He smiled, laughing a little. Julia reach her hand toward him, lowering the elastic waist band of his shorts. She took hold of him with her hand and then her mouth. She doubted he was able to think outside the realm of head while she gave him head. She had to get a point across. Morning head in a field wasn't on her agenda for the day, but Jay wanted it. He didn't argue when she did it. He wasn't complaining when he emptied into her mouth. He was surprised she swallowed him without complaining of the taste.

"Please get up, Julia." He said, holding a hand out to her.

She stood and shook out her legs, letting the blood flow through and the numbness go away. She hadn't knelt anywhere for that length of time in a while. It would take some getting used to again.

"Are you satisfied with what you did to me?" She asked again, holding his hand as they walked back to the house.

"Yes."

"Creepy and strange?"

"No."

"Kneeling at monuments." She whispered.

"Oh, is that what you meant?"

"Yes."

She plucked a large tomato from the plant as she passed. She sent Jay in to finish his breakfast and she ate her tomato like an apple as she waited for the rest of them finish up. She waited outside, checking on her eggs and her chicks that had hatched. She petted them and talked to them. Chess came out and stood with her, looking over the hutch she kept them inside. He'd seen them earlier.

"Wanna smoke, Julia?" He asked.

"I'd like a cigarette." She answered, closing the door to the hutch. She looked through the screen at the chicks and listened as they peeped.

"You didn't have to skip breakfast. I don't want you to think I am mad and I don't want you mad at me either." He pulled a pack from his pocket and handed her a cigarette.

"I ate and I am not mad." She replied, lighting off his lighter that he held up for her.

"I hear Jay kicked you off zombie 101."

"He put me in a time out."

"Long time out."

"I have a feeling he forgot I was out there." She laughed.

"He ran when he remembered. Thought he was in trouble."

"I'm sure."

"Who's training who?" He asked. Julia didn't answer that, smoked her cigarette in silence. "Your idea, the whole thing."

"Kneeling at monuments, Chess Morgan. That was some sick shit you came up with."

"We are experts at entertaining ourselves in confined spaces."

"Who you playing with?" She asked, looking around them.

"I'll find somebody. Trust me. There's people out there. We were not as isolated as we thought. We were stupid thinking we were. Never left the confines of this space and when we did we were scared to do it. Now we wonder why?"

"Yes, now I wonder why. Then it was really clear. We were young, scared. Please don't mess it up, Chess. It's my home."

"I know it is. We'll respect that."

"I don't want bad memories here. That's all."

"Neither do I. We didn't build this place to tear it down."

"You gonna do the right thing? Make sure it's all good?"

"Yes. I will. You sure about this? This is what you want? I think it's a good decision. I think it's a smart decision."

"This year is mine. I want to do with it as I please. I got everything I want. My people. My house. My kids. I need to heal and I want to fix things with Jay. It was about Caroline. It still is about Caroline." She looked at the sky. The sun bright above them. "That is my plan."

"These people are already pissing me off."

"I'm sure they are. Welcome to my world." She smiled. "Mayers, Chess. He turned on me?"

"He was a hard sell."

"I thought there'd be at least one person who had my back."

"We all do. Tavin said we'd all get you through this shit and we meant it." He assured her. "And you have Alex. The boy gave me a piece of his mind this morning."

"I'm sorry. I told him to leave you alone."

"I deserved it. I was really harsh on you."

"That is an understatement. But I brought you here alone, so we are even."

"Julia, I will find someone. Think I am going a year? I'll fuck Jess again before I go without. Don't think I haven't already thought about it."

"Don't think I haven't." She replied. "He's gotta get me under control or it's gonna be a problem."

"I'll rescind before it's a problem."

"Don't think I haven't thought about that either. Alone here. It would not have been an issue. Christ, Mayers is starting to look good. That feeling is back again. I shoulda never connected to him to begin with." She finished her cigarette and threw the butt in the fire pit. "How'd you know this was a set up?"

"Fields." He answered. "Something she said."

"Sleeping with the enemy."

"I like her, Julia. I swear she's a good person. I swear she warned me. She wasn't setting me up."

"What did she say?"

"We were gonna go out. Get some of that good shrimp."

"Oh, that was good shrimp, Chess."

"Yes. She said, have a few beers, clear another nest, have some more beer."

"That's all?"

"Something about the way she said it. Then, she was talking about you. Like now that you're gone, we could start something. As long as you were around, it wasn't gonna happen. She knew you would be gone for good. Here or somewhere else? I am not sure."

"She sent you directly to me to get you outta there. She cares about you. She knew I would take you with me."

"You think so?"

"If you say she's good, then she is. I trust that. In the future she's an invaluable asset. I still don't like the cunt." Julia replied. "Wanna go get her blonde ass?"

"There's a blond in Philly I wanna pick up." He said. "When me and Mayers kill her boyfriend. We take care of Hay."

"We will. Just not yet. He'll die, she'll go home to Maverick and all's well."

"We'll see." He lied. "How about we go have a very uncomfortable meeting, Mrs. Morgan?"

"Sure, Mr. Morgan."

"Tell me where the ring is."

"The still. In the bottle of hooch. It's safe."

"You left it out there?"

"No one likes it other than me and you."

Chess walked Julia back to the kitchen door and she took a seat at the table with her leaders. She didn't have a sinking feeling exactly. She was leaving this in good hands. Ray sat alongside Chess. Tavin had his usual seat at the head of the table. Jayson and Jody to his right. Chess slid a notebook down the table to her. "No one plans like you." He complimented her. He slid a black pen and a red pen and a highlighter her way. She caught each one as they slid to her. Across the front of her book it said meetings. He slid another book to her. Across the front it read in black letters, PHASE II. Tavin reached onto the seat next to him, opening a bag he slid her maps and travel guides one by one. Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, New York , Delaware and New Jersey. "Maps." Tavin shoved the bag down the table and it held her office supplies that she had requested.

"You got it." She smiled. "Thanks, Chess."

"You are not in charge here. You are in charge of phase two. Plan the fuck out of it. Consult with all of us. Use us. Run shit past us. Bounce ideas off us." Chess told her.

"This should be a how-to of nests and zoms. Every tip and idea you got or have used to kill one or 100 of them, past present and future." Jay said.

Jody slid another notebook down the table to her. "I wanna do this with you." He requested. Across the notebook cover it read, Pennsylvania Infantry. "I would like to create it."

"It's a side project. It needs to be cleared by me since I will be in charge of it." Chess ordered.

Jayson slid another book down the table to her. The cover was blank. The book was blank.

"What's this one for?" She asked, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and under staffed for this job description.

"I am not sure what to call it. What was your job in the future?"

"Public relations liaison, specifically to Pennsylvania, Delaware, New York and sometimes Maryland, but only over the border. I didn't go too far over the Mason Dixon line."

"What did you do exactly?" Tavin asked.

"I am a public servant, affiliated with the states' infantry, specifically Pennsylvania. I wrote the book on policy and procedure and protocols for dealing with incidents and also how to prevent those incidents from occurring in the future. I set up safe zones, installed and educated the staff and local sheriffs and patrolling militias to exterminate threats, determine when a threat is out of hand and when to signal an evac and then call in the infantry to deal with these threats."

"You did all that?"

"Oh, yes. I also am kinda like a social worker. Being that I work with the public, I focus on education and preparation. I do drills. I educate and hopefully give the knowledge to the community that will get them through the seasons. Water purification, heating, birth control and prevention. I also-"

"There's more?" Tavin asked.

"Oh, yes. I am on call 24/7/365. I put people in contact with psych services. Men are not kind to women, you know. Help those with PTSD. Help women and children find appropriate shelter and I also clothe them, feed them and-"

"You do all that alone?"

"No. I train people to do all that. As I go from sector to sector or incident to incident, I am 100% in the community. I meet the people. I listen to the people and then I get in touch with the sector leaders directly with a list of things that need fixing, help or to be addressed. If they have difficulty addressing these needs then I am also outreach. I will travel to the next community and find what I need and I will make arrangements to bring it back and they'll likely trade something."

"That's a lot of work. A lot of people."

"Oh, there's not a lot of people left. And it's fun. Very humanitarian if you ask me. Jay was supposed to be doing this with me."

"What about the rest of the states? You cover a few."

"Cookie does that."

"Is this Cookie's idea, plan?"

"No. It is mine. I am proud of this. This is my baby. It's based on assisting people at a much larger level. That sense of community and taking care of your own. That's what we do. They are our people." She answered. "I can do this, but this evolves, Jay. At your pace. Not mine. Babe, this is all you. I will take care of my part. I can recite it. But the foundation, babe, that's yours. The directives and the beliefs and the moral of it all. That caring spirit. That's you."

"I thought you stayed on base." Jody said, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Only in New York. Anywhere else, I know where I am going. I sleep in the community, someone takes me in. I usually stay at a women's shelter or some family will take me in. In New York, I went straight into an incident so I set up on base first. After that, I would have relocated, but I wanted to be on base after that incident. Freeman was on base, so I stayed."

"New York." Jody shuddered. "No one in Pennsylvania likes New York. Militant racists."

"I'm white. I never had any trouble in New York, Jody." She answered honestly.

"You are female. They are respectful toward females."

"Ok, moving on..." Chess said, looking toward Ray. "You, did your men in black follow you to zombie world?"

"Um,"

"It's a yes or a no, Ray."

"I haven't seen them yet. I have been looking, but I think I am hidden here."

"Julia, you are in charge of the men in black."

"Yes."

"All aspects of the men in black."

"Of course. Ray and I will work together on that."

"Thanks." He said. "We should cover these windows."

"Curtains." Jay said. "I told her that."

"And get that bed outta the living room." Chess pointed at him.

"Well, we were gonna be one floor living." Jay argued. "It wasn't anything weird. Abe approved."

"Abe?" Chess asked. "The ghost?"

"Residual energy, Chess." Julia replied.

"Moving on..." Tavin said, raising his voice and wanting to wrap this up.

"I will not be fighting over beds. I will not be fighting over petty shit." Chess announced. "Julia, pick a room."

"Me?"

"You didn't last time. You said surprise you last time."

"Boy, were we surprised." Jay said.

"The room with the fireplace."

"Good, you got plenty of room for all these maps. Ample room for a workspace."

"And a TV." She smiled, looking at Jay.

"Must we still keep kids upstairs?" Chess asked.

"Yes."

"Middle smaller room as usual?"

"I guess, yes. There's only two kids, though."

"Tavin and Kelly are in the other room, kids are in the middle. Agreed?"

"Your dad's a big guy." Tavin mentioned. "He gonna fit in the addition? And your mom might not like that. She's special, you know. Just saying."

"You giving up the room?"

"Me and Kell kinda want to keep our room. We like it in there."

"Fine. I want everyone moved in their rooms by bed time. I don't want to take up a lot of time getting settled in here. It's a pain in the ass. I got the girls going through the clothes, separating everything out according to sizes. I am not running a Walmart, so if we could all just kinda pitch in and put shit away, get it organized, reclaim our personal effects. That would be great. Dinnertime, I want you and Mayers back outside on the fence with the next group of people. Everyone needs to know how that fence works no matter who does the job."

"I'll make a list when it's all done what each person needs. Then we'll-"

"Make a run if need be. Yes, Julia." He paused. "Can you get in your old books and see what projects we were planning at the time? There was always something in the works. Was it anything important?"

"I don't remember. I was busy with other stuff at the time."

"Meeting is closed." As they filed away from the table, he held Julia and Jayson back. "Sit down." He and Julia took a seat next to each other as Chess slipped away and then returned again within a few minutes. He had a white envelope in his hand. He set it in front of the two of them. "You were right the whole time. We shoulda stayed here." He said, then he walked away. Jay opened the already unsealed envelope and he unfolded a stapled set of papers. He saw what it was and he handed it to Julia. There were X's on each page that indicated where she should sign. The divorce papers. He must have tucked the envelope in the bag when he packed everything up and handed it over to Tavin.

Julia used her brand new pen and she signed by the X's where he had also signed his chicken scratch signature.  She folded the papers back up and she tucked the envelope in her bag with her office supplies.

"Thank you." Jay said.

"You're welcome."

She picked up her notebooks and her bag and she went to her room.

Julia sat at her desk writing about her day. Journaling by candlelight was not her favorite activity. She was bothered this idea of hers wasn't working out with Jayson. She and Jay were plugging along, going through the motions, talked to each other as usual. The idea of him completely taking over and thinking for her was a bust. Every once in a while an assertive Jayson peeked out from behind his curtain of nice. She swore that Chess had overstepped and encouraged him. He needed confidence. She drew the conclusion he was fine the way he was. His problem was, as he had told her a couple weeks prior, her. Maybe Chess was right? Who was training who? She wanted peace. She wanted nice. She wanted someone who was thoughtful and sweet and caring. He was, after all, the opposite of her. He had all the qualities she sought in herself and couldn't hone.

He lay across the bed reading his book about fur skins. How he found that interesting, she was at a loss. He had wanted a book that detailed how to make one, but what he found was a book on those people who wore them or made them. The kid wanted directions not a story. Regardless, he was bored and he was reading. She jotted a note on a special piece of paper-how to make a rug. It wasn't very detailed, but she knew what she meant. If and when she ever jumped home and had internet access, she would print out an article or fifty for him.

Julia swiveled around in her chair and she looked at her guys. Jay lay reading and Ray was curled up sound asleep on the bed on the opposite wall. He kept odd hours. Usually he was up all night and he'd sleep on and off all day. He slept in a series of naps, some longer than others. Julia allowed the kid to carry, but it made her nervous. She always wanted night security and she had found it in Ray.  It had become clear to all of them that Ray was not table material with his delusions. Since the men in black had departed, his delusions were crashing down around him. He had taken to hearing voices. They'd implanted a chip inside his head. Even though they weren't visible to the naked eye, he could still hear them. When he slept, Julia got peace. But sometimes Ray would keep her busy at odd hours. If not for any other reason than she was worried about him. She wrote herself another note. Follow up with Tavin's research...schizophrenia for dummies.

"He's sleeping." Jay said, peeking around his book.

"Yeah. He is." Julia frowned. "He needs meds, Jay." She said. "Think there's any out there?"

"Don't know. You taking some?"

"You think I need some?"

"I think you're as depressed as I am. How are we even functioning?"

"No choice. Especially you. I'm sorry you had to do that."

"I think it's pay back. The universe that you like so much...for shooting you guys. That's a theory I been kicking around. A life for each life. Hers, mine and Sam's."

"Well, I don't know what to say about that."

"Well, you get to live. Like last time."

"Oh, Jay. That's depressing." She said, getting out of her chair. She crossed the room and she looked out the window. She watched over the empty field as Jody's fine body worked the fence. That is not depressing...she thought as she viewed the way Jody's body moved, muscles as they flexed. He likes that job...he was born for this job. She watched Jess too as she sat and watched the same fine body move around her. He'd stop a few minutes in the waning light of day and he'd chat with her. He leaned and kissed her. She gasped at the sight of it. "He kissed her."

"Huh? Who?"

"Jody kissed Jess."

"Should you break the news to him or you want me to?"  He said from behind his book.

"What news?" She asked, reeling from sight.

"She isn't a princess."

"Not many options in a zombie apocalypse."

The more Jess crushed on Mayers, the dirtier Julia's thoughts about Mayers became. She was jealous of her not him. She scolded herself as she closed the curtain on them. She reminded herself the feeling would pass. She reminded herself as she faded, so would inappropriate thoughts of Mayers. Mayers would only add to the problem not detract from it. Thoughts were not actions. He was off limits. Nonetheless, the sexual energy coursed through her and it wasn't something she could fade if she had sex. Sex exacerbated it.

Julia climbed in bed with him, straddled over his waist. "Tell me about fur skins."

"They're warm." He answered. "It's a native thing. They used the hides to make blankets and coats, boots, hats."  He said, closing his book. "This is-" He tossed it in the fireplace. "Like a 6th grade reader or something."

"If I ever get back home, we'll print out something."

"If you went back home, you'd need money."

"There's money, plenty of it. Ours or someone else's. It's obsolete here, so it's everywhere."

"I don't want you jumping back into Maverick. You don't know what's waiting."

"Jay, we aren't jumping into Maverick anyway."

"What do you need?"

"I have a specific list going over there on my desk. Material things aren't important, but we could get the kids some stuff to occupy their time."

"Or we could just keep looking for another book."

"Different library. Book store. Think we could do that? We could get out of here a little while."

"You wanna go to the mall? Barnes and Noble?"

"Jay, what is left out there? Have we ever really looked?" She asked, taking his hands and locking their fingers together.

"I've been out there. We have been out there on runs. It's a wasteland, picked over." He held her hands tight. "Where are you jumping?"

"Philly." She answered. "They don't know about Philly, the contacts or people there. Other than Zoe Flannigan."

"When?"

"I don't know yet. They wanna get settled here and Chess has to work up the nerve to jump again."

"What do you want?"

"I would prefer they left it alone." She answered. "Chess is pissed off, it's personal. But I can't see what benefit he would have killing the kid now? I'm not sure why Mayers even cares. He says it's personal and it doesn't have anything to do with me."

Jay opened his arms wide and dropped Julia onto him. "Why's he always have to be in here?" He whispered in her ear. "He has a cubby." He reminded her, kissing her neck.

"The MIB are after me too." She whispered, turning her head to look at Ray. "I'm part of the delusion, babe."

"Wonderful." He moaned. "Cover up and slide down."

"Jay-" She protested.

"Shh, just do it." He urged, sliding her over his abdomen. Julia pulled the throw blanket around her waist and covered them. She lifted, letting him move beneath her. She felt him slide inside and she settled onto him.

"The door's open, Jayson." She whispered. He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tight as he moved beneath her. She didn't like playing look out for others and watching Ray the entire time he fucked her.

"The bed, Jay. It's-" creaking, she wanted to say. Creaking in an odd way. She felt like it was about to give out beneath them. The frame at the top was loose. Had it been taken apart and put back together right?

His hand covered her mouth. "Quiet." He demanded, then pulled his hand away. Quiet he wanted, quiet he got and as he was about to come the frame gave way and dropped them at an angle onto the floor, which cause quite the clatter of metal hitting and scraping on the wood floor. She saw it coming, but he hadn't and that startled him some. It startled their roommate awake and it sent someone to the steps to ask. "What's that?"

Julia had been instructed to be quiet, so she said nothing.

"We're good. Something fell." Jay answered, looking toward the doorway.

"You were supposed to pull out." Julia told him. "The calendar. Remember?"

"I will never pull out, so throw the calendar away."

"Yes, Jay."

"We were falling. Like I was supposed to just pull out."

"It's ok, Jay."

"I am in the room." Ray said half asleep and half awake, looking across the room at them.

"You're always in the room, Ray. Do you live with us, Ray? Do you not have your own bed, Ray?"

"Jayson, it's ok."

"Julia, it's not ok."

"Julia, they got to him too." Ray looked disturbed as his thoughts churned.

"No, Ray. No one got to me. I was fucking my girlfriend, Ray. I just wanna fuck my girlfriend, Ray. You're always here, Ray." Jayson complained, emphasizing his name.

"Ray, we talked about this. Jay is not one of them." Julia said softly, trying to sit up, but at the angle they lay, it was near impossible. "I watch him too. I already questioned him today."

"Oh, my fucking God." Jay sighed against her shoulder. "Jules, this is out of control."

"Meds, Jay." She whispered. "Ray, we should have woke you and sent you out. I'm sorry."

"He's trying to-"

"I'm not doing anything to her." Jay raised his voice.

"They been in here. They were messing with the bed. They put something in the bed. They're listening to everything we say. Everything you do to her. They're recording her."

"Jules, I'm gonna kill him-"

"Ray, put the bed back together. You go over the bed and make sure there's no devices. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Jay will help you. You can question him."

"Get away from him." Ray demanded.

"Ok." She agreed as Ray got out of his bed and offered her a hand off Jayson. "Jay will get the tools and bring them back."

"Do that." He looked suspiciously toward Jayson.

Jay held his breath and walked away with Julia. He followed her downstairs. "He's lost it." Jay said under his breath. "Where's Chess?"

"I will deal with him. Get the tools."

"No." Jay head through the addition to Chess's room. "Deal with your brother."

"What did he do now?" Chess asked, setting down the notebook. He was reading over the day's notes Julia had written for him.

"I have specific ways I deal with Ray, Jayson. I tried to tell you and you didn't listen."

"I am not one of them. He thinks I'm doing shit to her."

"We keep our enemies close." Julia shrugged.

"You're just as fucking delusional."

"I have to be."

"Sandy needs to babysit him."

"No one needs to babysit him."

"You try dealing with the shadow all fucking day." Jay said to Chess.

"I do, Jayson. I keep him with me when he's up."

"We need to find medication. We need to medicate him. It's important. The kid's sick."

"Where we getting meds, Julia? Tell me. I will get them." Chess sat up and ran his hands through his hair.

"We also need a plan if he goes psychotic. We'll need to sedate him. I was talking to Tavin-"

"We discuss Ray, not you and-"

"He needs inpatient psychiatric treatment and meds." Tavin interrupted. "Asking Julia to deal with him is unfair. She's not trained for that."

Chess looked at her. "Could she be? She's the one who can get through to him. I can't."

"Tools, Jay." Julia said. "Answer his questions."

"What questions?"

"The same ones I ask you every fucking morning. So go." She said, growing impatient.

"This is bullshit, Julia."

"No it's not. It's serious. I know it's frustrating, but try living it.  I try. I come up with ways to deal with it and you all go against me."

"You sound like him."

"I have to. I try to understand it. You are not listening to me."

"I cannot believe this." Jay muttered.

"He's stressed. The whole environment is stressful. He's not used to it. We pulled him out of his comfort zone where he coped with it in his own way. Now he has to completely readjust his delusions around an entirely new environment. It takes time to do that. He will level out eventually, fall into a new routine and find new ways to cope. Until then, we wait."

"Wait?"

"Yes. If you want him to trust you, go get the tools, answer his questions and fix our bed."

"What happened to the bed?" Tavin asked.

"The men in black have control of Jayson."

"You broke the bed?"

"I don't think he put it together right to begin with. But to Ray..."

"You were fucking with Ray there."

"He was asleep."

"Don't fucking do that."

"Tell Jayson." She whined. "We had clothes on. We were quiet. Till the bed fell out from under us." She looked at Chess. "He's always there. We get it in when we can. Like having an infant."

"Chess, I know this is hard, but I been reading about this. Exciting info, too, thanks to Julia and her damn library. We have to get him medicated. It'll help him adjust and live a normal life."

"Ok. Where?"

"Where are drugs?" Tavin asked. "The drugs we like have been picked over, but meds like he needs should be out there."

"Plan it, we'll make a run."

"It's planned." Julia said, looking away from him.

"What?" Chess asked, surprised to hear her response.

"Me and Tav-"

"Thanks. You planned it, you do it. Out." He said, sitting back on the bed.

Tavin left and head back to Kelly and Tarin.

"If you were mine, I would beat your ass. Get out."

"I'm sorry, Chess. It-"

"I'm pissed. Again."

"You put me in charge of Ray or not? I'm not interfering with your fucking table or anything else, but Ray is my responsibility. I love him and Jay loves him, but he's-"

"Cockblocking?" Chess suggested.

"That too. Yeah." She paused. "You did this on purpose." She whispered. "Not the way to win me back."

"Nothing to win, Julia. You gotta earn that too."

"Jules, get the hell outta there." Tavin yelled.

Kelly glared at him. "Said you weren't getting involved."

"The train wreck's coming. I don't want it to be tonight." Tavin said. "Can we get past one disaster before rolling into the next?"

He set the schizophrenia books back on his dresser top, then closed the notebook, Ray's notebook or chart or whatever Julia was calling it. The notebook was a case study into Ray Morgan's mind. Julia had a list of his delusions, the words the voices said to him and then in a column next to it, positive reactions and her thoughts on how to handle them. The whole notebook was extravagant and detailed. Julia had too much time on her hands. How did she find the time to think about him and all the other plans she had going? Ray alone was a fulltime job.

"You didn't see Jay when they came home from losing Caroline. I will not do that again."

"Why didn't she just stay with Chess? You can feel the sexual tension coming through the freaking wall?"

"She wants to fix things with Jayson."

"Slutting it up in there isn't the way to do it."

"She's not. It's how they are." Tavin moved closer to her. "He owns her." He whispered. "But he disowned her and this is how she acts when he disowns her."

"That's some bullshit, Tavin. You know it."

"They believe it." He replied. "They're all crazy, if you ask me."

"Are we alright? Can I trust you?" She asked, lifting her shirt to position Tarin on her breast.

"We are. I'm trying Kelly."

"No one's tempting yet."

"It's not easy to turn it off. How do you do it? Not look elsewhere?"

"Because no one else matters."

"Never been tempted? Not once?"

"No, Tavin. I have not. I do not think of it and I do not put myself in situations where it could be a possibility."

For Tavin any situation was a possibility. His eyes forever roamed. He always managed to find like minded individuals. He never thought of Kelly, not once. She never entered his mind whenever he hooked up. She was an after thought, the one he went home to. The only girl who was ever off limits was Jess. He made that agreement with himself a long time ago and as long as Julia was with Jayson, she would be off limits too. No matter how tempting the thought was. No matter how she would lead him there. He would lead her to the same place.

Avoid the situation, he thought. He took Ray's notebook and he went to the bedroom where he found Ray finishing up with the bed and Jay watching from Julia's chair. When Ray packed up the tools and left, Tavin spoke.

"We are going tomorrow." Tavin said, setting the book on Julia's desk. "She's staying home."

"I thought this was your run."

"I don't wanna run with her." He replied.

"Tavin, she's itching to get outta here."

"Not with me. You two wanna take a day trip, cool. Making a run, no. It's not her place."

"I don't think she'd agree."

"Do you agree?"

"Tavin, she makes her own decisions."

"What are your decisions? She's not part of it for a reason."

"We voted."

"We don't vote on anything that hasn't been tabled by the group. She's part of the table. She knows what went down and she chose not to defend herself. If she had, then she would be sitting there. What's the reason?"

"She asked for that vote?"

"Yes. And he brought it to us and we voted on it as directed by her."

"Why didn't she just step down?"

"Think she could do that? Not without a vote. She wouldn't be able to. It's her fucking table in her fucking house."

"She did that for me?"

"What's her reason for the whole year here?"

"She serious about that?"

"Are you?"

"We can do both. What's her problem?" He shook his head. "Where is she?"

"She's with Chess. Set your limits early with her, Jayson."

The girls finished dinner clean up and everyone scattered away from their table, the five started evening meeting. Jay had brought her books down for her and Julia sat pensive with her notebook. She read over Tavin's notes regarding meds and possible places to locate them. He had his phone books in his room and he'd listed facility names and addresses.

They held meeting, went over the day's notes Chess had already gone over. Before meeting closed, Chess asked if there were any issues.

"I got one." Jay announced.

"What is it?"

"I want to re-vote." He said, looking at his brother.

"Re-vote on what?"

"Julia's place at this table."

"Jayson, it's in capable hands."

"Should be in your hands. I would like to re-vote the issue. Do we need a vote to re-vote?"

"Jay, why?"

"My brother stood upstairs with me and told me to put you in your place. Basically that you need to be told your place, what your role is here."

"Do that, Jay." Tavin said.

"She knows her place. She knows what her role is. It's whatever she chooses wherever she chooses and she does it better than the rest of us." He said. He looked to Chess. "You, you hate it. I can see that already." He looked to Jody. "You, how many times did you say you would follow her anywhere?" He looked at Tavin. "You gave her credit for saving lives when she wasn't even there. She's right, you all waited for her to show up at ice cream's house to jump your asses out of a bad situation. Just like last time." He looked at Julia. "Put her back where she belongs. No one tells Julia her role. She tells all of us ours. And we liked it that way. She has my vote because she's absolutely miserable. We don't place restrictions on her or any of our other women. I don't want to live like that. I think it's crazy that you would, Julia." The men at the table were quiet. "None of you has anything to say? You all sat and listened to her describe her job description in the future. That is what she does. Give it back to the person that deserves it. Whoever is her second...well, that is up to her. Telling her she needs to earn anything at her table in her house is an insult. And for you to suggest it, Julia, or go along with it is insane."

"I have reasons." Julia looked at Jay.

"We can do both. You can multi task. You function under pressure. You thrive on this. It'll take your mind off her and as for us, that's not up to you, or the rest of you." He looked around the table. "If I know one person in this world, it's my girlfriend. There's no one I would rather ride or die with. My vote is yes."

"Jay, I didn't know you felt like that."

"I always have. Were you listening?"

"The team that bleeds together." Jody smiled.

"This is the team, Jo." Julia said. "It's not two people. It's all of us."

"Red, whatever you want to do."

"Little Hitler." Chess laughed. "Could we have some rules?" He asked seriously.

"Like?" Julia asked.

"If you start to lose it, you step out and let someone else take over for awhile?"

"Please, do not pull your weapon on me and threaten to kill me." Jody added.

"You cannot hit us."

"Or cuss at us."

"Or call us names like fucker or douche bag."

"I find that when I emasculate you, you work harder." She admitted. She blushed a little. "I-um- trained all of you to be like this."

"Julia, stop it." Chess said.

"I did. Do you wanna know the truth? The whole truth?"

"Julia."

"It is a system of give and take and punishments and rewards." She said. "So if you all eliminate the negative, which you all do like...then how is this going to work?"

"What?" Jay asked.

"I learned this with Jesslyn. And you two. I had to use a different approach with Tavin at first."

"I don't understand." Jody announced, leaning back in his chair.

"You wouldn't because you weren't here. They were."

"This will work, everything was already set in place. It should theoretically run smoothly. Tav's up to speed, but he didn't live it like we did. Jay doesn't want the headache. He's not assertive enough and he doesn't like making people feel bad or uncomfortable. That's why I gave it to Napoleon over there."

"I'm so confused." Jay said, leaning forward, placing his head in his hands.

"A system of give and take, punishment and reward. Take that any way you choose to take that."

"There's no pussy in the infantry." Jody said.

"The right one can make men do amazing things. Or two, in your case." She looked at Jay and Chess. "The wrong one, even though it is absolutely amazing, can lead you to New Jersey."

"That is not the way it went down." Jody argued, raising his voice.

"Well, you see how that turned out. If she would have let me handle it, Jody, then you would be where you should be and not here with us. You two have no idea how that man's mind works. I would have taken care of it."

"She had the best interests of a lot of people in mind."

"I am an expert at the best interests of people, Mayers. She was young and dumb, although very idealistic. Like her brothers. See where that got them. The world does not and never will run with humanitarianism in mind. Our people do not think that way. They never have and they never will. Military cleared the states not humanitarians."

"I disagree."

"Your dick got in your way. You tripped and fell over it. Did you even know the plan? Tia's wasn't working. You weren't briefed. I wasn't briefed on what Alex knew but that was not my business. The plan that they had in mind was not gonna pan out either. So we were going to north campus to create one. I was going with my number one, you and Tia were going with the next gen. We are not stupid. We have experience. We were going to combine military and human interest in the same god damn plan. Till you guys went and screwed that all up." She pointed at him. "You could have gone back. Chess made that clear to your brothers and you and the rest of the kids that walked out. That was the agreement. You followed Princess into hell. Literally. Then you got stuck there with the queen."

"Why did you go then? You and him went right along with us."

"Chess gave Tia the benefit of the doubt. We were young once, believed in the idea of it."  She answered " Plus, we were bored, wanted to party with your brothers. It looked like fun. "

"Fun."

"See who walked away from that don't you? Old school faired much better than new school and the only reason new school survived is because you all were paired up with old school. You had your brothers. I had D. Every kid that walked away from that school lived. Warring with humans is different than warring with the dead. Fighting a losing battle on two fronts. It was insanity. Those people in Jersey lost sight of whose side they were on and to be honest, knowing what I learned after I arrived, they deserved every thing that was brought down on them. You go on and on about New York, but I feel that way about New Jersey. I will take the dead over the living any day. They're easier."

"Easier? That was not easy."

"Jody, learn to love it or it will eat you alive."

"We lost people. Good people."

"It is part of war and it is part of life. It isn't even a life, it's a lifestyle. It is the chance you take. You know that signing up."

"We slaughtered innocent human beings, Julia."

"They killed my brother, and as you pointed out, other good people. So, yes, slaughter is the appropriate word."

"You left your child."

"Getting personal? If that makes you feel better about losing Princess, then fine." She rolled her eyes at him. "I was leaving Antonia anyway. I left her in good hands. It was my time to wake up and come home. I left behind what I could. My memories of her dad and of us and that's all I could do. It is cold and it is unfair and it is agonizing at times, but it is life. I left Julia the most beautiful gift in the world and she is alive and with her mother where she belongs."

Jody quieted down, letting the conversation cool off.

"Furthermore, you aren't calling out the men that left their children to go to Jersey. Just the one woman. I know my fucking place, Mayers. My place was alongside him. He knew it. It's why he took me. So having children is not an opt out for infantry. Once you're in, male or female, you are in for life. Let's make that perfectly clear."

"Yes, Morgan." He replied.

"Furthermore, Alexander was young and slightly less dumb than his sister. And even though I love the kid, he was a little off on his intel. He didn't like to rely on his senses."

"Yes, Morgan."

"Furthermore, there is a chain of command for a reason. To prevent you people from doing what you all did. If they weren't related we would have jailed them. And you."

"Understood."

"That was a fun night. Remember, Chess?"

"No, I wasn't there, Julia."

"I was and-"

"Mayers, let's not."

Jay looked overwhelmed. "So let me get this straight, boss. You fucked us to get us to do what you wanted us to do?"

"Yes."

"And if we were bad, you treated us like shit?"

"Yes. And then at the right time, I did what I do best and all was right with zombie fucking world."

"What about the others?"

"They listened to you guys and followed your lead."

"Simple as that?"

"Most of the time, yes. Tavin was more difficult. Kelly got out of hand there for a minute." She answered. "So, hey, I can't like do that this time around that's why I handed it over to Napoleon."

"Why can't you?" Ray asked.

"Because I really don't want to. I was serious when I said I wanted to make things right with Jay. We were pretty cool till you all showed up. Chess took over and I haven't felt the need to step in yet and deal with any of you. It is a little awkward that the parents are here too. My poor dad doesn't know 90% of this and I would like to keep it that way. Chess's parents know enough."

"What about when we went home? What was that shit all about?"

"We flipped the script. I adapted to this for so long and then it all went back to normal. Everyone went off on their own and I literally lost control. Drugs happened and all kinds of other shit I couldn't deal with. I can't train myself, so I self medicated."

"Do you even love us at all?" Jay asked.

"Don't question that. Don't you ever question that." She snapped at him. "I did what I thought I had to do to make this work and I had every single female you all messed with doing it too."

"You knew all of this?" Jay asked Chess.

"Yes. I know everything." He answered. "Past, present and future."

"Must be nice, Chess." Jay sighed.

"I kinda knew too." Tavin admitted. "I had no idea it was this deep, but it does make sense if you think about it."

"You used us and manipulated us." Jay stated.

"Kinda, but my intentions were good. None of you complained."

"I complained for years." Jay corrected her.

"After, not during. I do have a conscience in here somewhere." She replied, pointing at her head with her pen. "I do know the difference between right and wrong. I do have basic morals and values. But I did what I had to do to make this work."

"It would not have worked otherwise?" Jody questioned her skeptically.

"Um, no. We were heading to a cabin in the woods, not a farmhouse if I recall. In fact no one knew what we were doing while we were at that first house. When me and Jess hooked up, you all paid attention."

"To Tom. We paid attention to Tom."

"No. It was me. Tom found the place and I had to beg plead and fuck Tom's vision into reality. It worked. You two were easy. That one, not so much. The universe helped him along. We spent the night here in front of the fire place."

"You did fuck him that night."

"No. I did not. I told you what we did that night. We may have connected. I am not 100% sure on that."

"Nah, we didn't mess around till we got here."

"How would you know?"

"Chess told me."

"You knew. You were with Hayley anyway. Not like there was anything really holding us together there, Jay."

"I was with Hayley twice. Two times. The same night if I remember."

"Why, Jay?"

"Why? You want an answer and I have been asking you why for years."

"I just told you why." Julia replied.

"Before that though?"

"In the beginning? Um, he was nice and I felt like I knew him. He was totally hot. I fell for him. I told you that."

"We had issues with our moms." Tavin added. "Our conversations started out about our moms, Julia."

"Yeah, cause he was so closed off about it."

"Oh, no. I was there for you when Rose was sick. Every step of the way. Don't you dare go there. I was there when she died, too."

"After though?"

"After what? You stopped talking about her. You didn't want to talk about it. You were the one that picked up and moved on. Like you do with everything."

"I was talking about it with him. You didn't even like the word mother let alone talking about them. I understand the bitter there. Tavin was so open about it. Like it was part of his recovery. You were there through it and he got me through the after. I trusted him."

"You never fucking said anything. Nothing at all."

"Well that's how it started. Think she died and everything was ok afterward? No. I wasn't ok."

"That's not your fault, though, Jayson." Tavin said. "It's what we were thinking about at the time. Then to meet her and come face to face with this really thoughtful and sweet person. Wow. She was like the first girl in a long fucking time that didn't say fuck off when I started talking about my demons. That's a turn off to most girls."

"Where was he at the time?" Jody asked, looking to Chess. "Where were you?"

"Uh, where was I? Getting high. Drinking, chasing girls, having fun, hooking up with Hayley."

"Which brings us back to Hayley." Julia shook her head.

"I am sorry. I learned my lesson. I will never ever have sex with her again."

"Why?"

"She wanted to have sex with someone. She didn't mess with Kevin here. Think you were bad, damn she was a mess. Talk about traumatized."

"She isn't exactly traumatized at home." Julia smiled, looking at Tavin.

"Is this normal table and meeting conversation?" Ray asked. "Cause this is taking a long time and-"

"It needs to happen." Julia cut him off. "Would you like to leave? You got nothing to do with this."

"Yes."

"Vote, Ray."

"Yes, I think." Ray replied, getting up from his seat. He tucked it beneath the table and went outside through the front door.

"Can I leave too?" Jody asked, looking back toward the addition.

"No, you should know the history. Plus, princess three isn't going anywhere."

"Is Jess a problem?"

"Not with me." Tavin replied. "I got nothing to do with Jess."

Julia, Jay and Chess hesitated on an answer. "Sometimes Jess and I can be flirty together."

"Flirty? Is that what you're calling it?" Jay shook his head in disbelief. "Flirty is an understatement."

"Um. well, it might be in the future. Just warning you."

"Do you have any intentions of-"

"Not currently, but that could change." Julia replied. "Depends on a bunch of factors. Me, her, him."

"Don't let them get drunk together. You should be fine." Chess informed him.

"Don't let them get drunk together. You should be fine." Julia smirked. "She may be a problem for both of us or all of us, which may make that your problem."

"She is not a problem for me." Chess said. "Like I said there's a whole world of other people out there. She is not a problem."

"Well, I am not lying." Julia looked at Jody. "Enter the princess at your own risk."

"She is a nice girl."

"Yes, she is. We all agree with that."

"What does Jess think?" Tavin asked.

"I think Jess would agree with me. That's a safe bet."

"I have an idea. How about you don't eat the ice cream?"

"Why do you call her ice cream?"

"Tavin?"

"Julia is cake and Jess is ice cream. Ice cream is a good reference, believe me."

"That hurt my feelings, too."

"She didn't eat my ice cream, but she had her fingers all in it."

"Quit complaining. You're the one that wanted me to fuck her that night. You were the one with the pictures on the phone. You were-"

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. But what pictures?" Tavin asked.

"That's not relevant to this conversation." Jay answered. "And they were not my pictures. She forwarded them from my phone to hers, so they were hers."

"Wasn't that the night you broke up?" Julia asked him.

"I think it was the night we all broke up."

"What pictures?" Chess asked.

"I can't say I'll never do that again. So, like I said, enter at your own risk."

"Leave her alone, Julia."

"I will if she wants me to. But if she doesn't want me to, then what? Are girls an issue now?"

"Not for me." Tavin announced. "Never was an issue for me. In fact none of this is an issue. I loved all of it. Every horrible, disgusting, fun, sexy thing you have ever done to me or for me. I am cool with it all."

"Me too." Chess agreed. "Are we voting?"

"Yes." Tavin answered.

"Yes, me too."

"Mayers?"

"Yes. I didn't wanna vote no in the first place. He ordered it." Mayers smiled.

The three of them got up and left Julia and Jayson at the table. 

"Was that some kind of group fucking therapy?" He asked her.

"I think so." She agreed, dropping the pen on her notebook. "Come over here." She requested.

Jayson did as she asked and sat beside her. He held her hand and looked down at the table.

"You really, really need to let me do whatever the hell I wanna do, Jayson. If you want this to work, we can make it work, but I gotta be me. It can be the best time of your life. We can do this. Me and you. Whatever we do, we do it together. Whether it's walking, talking, running, fighting, fucking. It's gotta be us, together and on the same page."

"I don't want you fucking them. It's a rule. There's no other rule. It's all I want from you."

"Ok. It's what I want."

"You lead and I follow."

"It'll be fun, Jayson. I promise you that."

"Ok."

"Good. You sure you can do this."

"Yes. I can do anything." He nodded. Julia stood up and started walking away. "Where you going?"

"I'm going to get my girlfriend and we're taking her to bed."

"Ok."

"Go upstairs and wait." She smiled, holding her hands on her hips. He got out of his chair and she caught him when he passed to go to the steps. "I'm kidding, baby." She laughed. "Good start though, Jay. Good start."

Julia sat on the edge of the bed and she untied his left wrist from the bed frame. He removed his blindfold and then untied his other wrist. Jay was speechless as he rubbed his wrists and then his eyes as they adjusted to the ambient light in the room. She leaned over him and kissed him, which was well received. She had warned him. I may say things that will surprise you...he doubted it. He thought he'd heard everything. I may do things that will surprise you, relax and allow it...He doubted that too. He thought she had already done everything possible to his body. He was wrong. He wondered what the purpose to the blindfold was. She could just turn out the lights, but it became quite clear that the blindfold was not for him, rather it was for her. His entire body tingled. Every nerve ending was on fire. He had no idea she could do what she had just done.

"Julia." He said, finding his voice. He wasn't sure he was still breathing by the time she finished him off. She waited. She had practiced with Mia under Chess's instruction, but she didn't know what to expect with Jayson. When she advised him to let her do what ever the hell she wanted to do, then he let her, she was surprised and satisfied. She had never enjoyed her Jayson more than she had when he was tied and helpless beneath her. "That." He said, trying like hell to find the right words. He couldn't. "That." She found this amusing.

"Relax, baby. It'll come to you." She smiled as she rubbed his belly.

"Was the best sex I ever had."

She leaned to his ear. "It gets better." She breathed heavily as she gave his ponytail a light tug.

"Can I do that to you?"

"You may do whatever you want to me."

"Whatever?" He asked, rubbing her back.

"Yes." She replied. 

He had a feeling that whatever he did to her in the future would somehow dull in comparison. He was just not that creative. He had felt her and he had enjoyed her, the way she touched him with her mouth and her hands and her fingers. He even liked when she inserted her fingers...he shuddered to think of it when it wasn't being performed on him. He wouldn't and he couldn't bring himself to ask where she learned that or under what circumstances she had experienced that. He didn't want to know, but he had a feeling he could guess. What on earth were they doing in that stone castle of theirs? When she said they were bored, they took it to the extreme with their activities to occupy their time. 

He watched as she washed herself. The water in that basin couldn't have been very warm. He watched as she placed the curtain ties back on the hooks on the window frame. She was unusually quiet for her and as he went to the basin when she was finished, Julia stopped him and she cleaned him herself. The water was chilly. Once the fire place was in use, they would have warm water for this. He hated not having plumbing. Why'd they choose a farm with no plumbing? They could have thought up a way to use plumbing. If the Romans centuries ago could have a plumbing system, then why couldn't they? 

Julia wrapped in her robe and when Jay was tucked into bed, she opened the door a little. She peeked into the hall way and when she got to the bed she took her robe off. She did this every night. Opened the door for Ray. If he needed her, he would come get her. She left her robe over the end of the bed, then settled in next to Jayson. She should, he thought, get up and go over her notebooks, which was a regular routine. Anytime he went to bed, Julia never stayed long beside him if she got next to him at all. She spent most of her free time writing in one book or another. Now that fall and winter were upon them, she would pick up with the notebooks. When the rest of them were bored out of their minds, Julia would get lost in her books. God forbid anyone complained too heavy about boredom, because she could find a hundred things for idle hands to accomplish for her.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"Punishment." She replied softly.

"That was no punishment." He laughed.

"You're right about that." She agreed.

Early in the morning as the sun rose, Julia was already up, wrapped in her blanket. She had her RAY notebook open in front of her on her desk. She looked over the list of possible meds that Tavin wrote down for her and the addresses of the various facilities that may have them. She circled several to start with and then looked at her map, determining where these places were and how far they were from the farmhouse. She circled them in pencil so she could erase them later. Caleb Downing's PA map came in handy on more than one occasion. This map they specifically used for runs like this. They would use this map for good not evil. As she held the map, though, all it did was drum up memories. The further away from Caleb Downing and that night, the easier it was to think about it. 

Jayson lay on the bed and watched her as she worked. She had a system down for sure.

"You're cold." He startled her, drawing her attention away from her book.

"Yes." She answered, closing the book. "Chilly. I'm chilly a lot. Tav said I looked a little pale."

"No more than usual."

"Well, he added iron to the list of meds and it isn't for Ray."

"Ok. We going?"

"Yes. After breakfast. This might take all fucking day depending on what we do or don't find."

"Is he even gonna take them? Are we wasting our time?" Jay asked, getting out of bed. He pulled on a pair of jeans.

"I have an idea. If it doesn't work, Sandy will put it in his food."

"We gotta find it first." He crossed to her, kissed her good morning. "You'd be warmer if you had clothes on." He advised her, peeking under her blanket.

"You told me not to wear clothing to bed anymore." She replied, pulling the blanket tighter around herself.

"Weather permitting, babe. Geeze, it's not summer anymore." He laughed. "Get dressed."

Jayson head downstairs, wasn't down there long before he returned to his dressing girlfriend. She pulled the old hoodie over her head and the look on Jay's face said there was a problem. She didn't ask, had a feeling she already knew what it was. The same problem they had every other morning. No matter how many discussions they had, it fell on deaf ears. She crossed to the window and looked out, Jody was up and on the fence. She glanced to the left and the barn door was open, so she knew Chess was up and he was processing the tobacco and the weed. Her eyes panned right, over Jody and to the still. No. She thought. No. I can't.

"I started coffee." He said awkwardly.

"Thanks, Jayson." She replied, stuffing her feet in her boots. She needed to have a talk with her number two or her number one, depending on the day and the problem. Considering Sandy was his mother, then this would fall onto him, not her.

"I can gather up-"

"No, thank you." She cut him off before he even suggested it.

"It'll only take a bit, not long. I have figured out how to do breakfast. It's rather easy." He argued, sensing her anger even though she was masking it.

"You'd like to do that?" She asked.

"Hell, no. But I will." He answered, turning away and heading back to the first floor.

Julia left her door ajar and she head outside through the addition, peeking into the rooms as she passed. Someone had figured out how to light the wood stove as it was much warmer in there than it was in the rest of the house. She looked at Tavin as he held Tarin.

"You light that?" She asked.

"You act like we're paying for gas and electric."

"Um, Jay hasn't cleaned them yet. You'd like to die of carbon monoxide poisoning?" She asked.

"We're ok. I didn't know though." He replied.

"No problem. There's reasons why-never mind." She shrugged. They were going to do what they wanted to do no matter what she said. Pulling an extra blanket around them somehow didn't make sense in this new world. They were so used to turning a dial and having heat or AC, that they just didn't know. It was unfair expecting Tavin to know these things like he did before. It was a learning process. She caught Jay gathering eggs.

"Stoves." She mumbled.

"I'll get to it."

"Show Tavin, Jay, when you do it."

"It's my job though."

"Well, they lit the stove last night."

"There's blankets though, Jules."

Julia walked past him to the barn and found Chess.

"I was wondering where my hoodie went." He said, looking at her as she stood in the barn doorway. "I like this hoodie." She answered. All honesty, it still smelled like Chess.

"What's up?" He asked. He lit a joint. He took a hit and he handed it to her.

"Your mother." She replied, taking a long drag. "She's not up. Damn it, Chess."

"I'll talk to her again."

"Maybe your dad should talk to her?" Julia suggested. "She's got one job, Chess. One job."

"She isn't a morning person."

"I am?" She whined. "I'll do it myself. I will. It won't be pretty."

"She's my mom, Julia."

"She doesn't cook, she doesn't eat. Make it clear, Chess." Julia snapped at him, then returned to the kitchen with Jayson where he was managing to whip up a palatable breakfast. 

"Calm down, babe." Jay said under his breath.

"You know exactly how I feel on this subject. I finally get away from there, where I don't have to do this shit anymore and where the fuck do I wind up? Back in the fuckin kitchen." She complained.

"Calm down, Julia." He repeated.

"Don't tell me to calm down." She mumbled. She and Jayson whipped up a meal and as they cooked, the house awoke and started heading toward the kitchen. She wouldn't get out of bed to feed them, because she knew someone else would do it. This was not modern day and age where there were boxes of cereal and boxes of pop tarts laying around. Each meal had some level of preparation. If someone else was preparing that meal, then that someone wasn't completing their own job. Jay had his own morning routine. She was detracting from that, which meant no one else was picking up his slack. Punishment...Julia thought. Their parents, especially of the female persuasion, were difficult. Karen was mouthy and rude, but as long as she was as active as the males, then she was pleased and distracted. She was adapting to the lifestyle as was Uncle John. Cal and Sandy were having a rough time. They were spoiled with the modern ways of life. She needed to unspoil them. Despite the weed she had smoked, the agitation level was high. She didn't appreciate the resistance that she was getting.

Sandy did come downstairs dressed for the day. She helped herself to a plate and Julia pulled it away from her.

"You didn't make it, you don't eat it." She said, handing her plate to the next person in line.

"But-"

"But nothing. Go talk with your son." She demanded. "He's in the barn. Tell him he may eat."

"Julia, that wasn't right." Jay whispered to her. "There's enough."

"I know that there's enough. Not the fuckin point." She replied. "We should have already eaten and left by now."

"We have all day though. Julia, don't get all fucked up over this."

"Luz never fucking did this to us."

"She's not Luz." He argued.

"Do you remember the bread, Jay? Do you remember what it tasted like? I could bake it again." She warned as he made her a plate.

"Please, no." He smiled.

"I could do lunch and dinner, too."

"I learned my way around this kitchen because of your excellent chef skills."

" In fact take Sandy with you today. Please, take all the fucking Morgans with you on the run, Jay."

"That would still include you." He poked her arm with his fork.

"They don't have a clue what's out there. Spoiled fucking people." Julia snarled. Jayson poked at her plate with his fork and he jabbed a piece of scrambled egg. He poked it in her mouth before she started rambling again. Her voice. Years, he'd been listening to little Hitler for years. As she tried to speak, he fed her more. "These eggs are good, babe." She complimented him.

Chess brought Sandy back inside crying. He sat her at the table and he made her a plate. He set it in front of her. He then fixed his own, watching Jay feed her, sensing he was keeping her mouth full so he wouldn't have to listen to her. "You cannot starve mommy."

"Pussy." Julia mumbled as Jay poked at some potatoes.

"Julia, rules, Julia." Jay reminded her.

"I'm sorry I called you a pussy, Chess." She rolled her eyes and took the fork off Jayson. "So you're just ok with this?"

"We cannot starve my mom." He said so matter of fact. As if it was even an option.

"Put the parents in a car today and drive them around. Take them home. Show them what they don't see here. Anyone who hasn't seen it first hand should go."

"Julia, why?"

"What's that got to do with breakfast? It makes no sense."

"It will. Cause I will throw them all out. Then what? There are simple rules in place."

"Maybe this is one of those step down moments?" Chess smiled at her. "Cause you are crazy if you think I will put my mom onto the street with 3 days of supplies and a gun she can't shoot."

"Give her a reason to make some fucking breakfast. I guarantee this meal is easier than that street."

"Who cooked this? This is good? It wasn't you."

"I did." Jay answered, sounding proud of himself.

"Then you cook." Chess suggested.

"I can. Jules says no."

"Well, who's doing your stuff if you're in here slaving away over a hot hearth?" She laughed.

"Alex." He answered.

Julia kept quiet, thinking she would have to think about it. Chess had a point. Starvation was never a valid option for anyone at the house. She still ordered he take them home for the afternoon. "You wanna run the streets as much as I do." She told Chess.

"I do wanna get outta here." He admitted. "I am so bored." He further admitted. "So you're hired for the day, Jayson."

"I got a run with Jules this morning." Jay replied.

"I'll take Tav." She sighed. "He knows what we're looking for."

"He doesn't wanna run with you." Jay informed her.

"I'll keep him safe." She whined.

"It's not that." Jay shook his head. "I think he's trying to make Kelly happy. Running with you would piss her off."

"Jody is itching to get outta here, too." Chess added. "The brother needs more training yet. He's not ready."

"He is too." Julia argued.

"He's not the same Tavin that was here last time. I'm telling you, he's not ready. He lacks confidence."

"Awe, Chess, really. What about a couple weeks ago? He was right there with you and Ben."

"He can run fast, that's for sure. He was out there trying to get us killed."

"It was a nest."

"It was old virus first and I am telling you he's scared."

"Fuck. Fine. Me and Jo will take the brother on a road trip."

"Me and Ray will take the parents for a ride."

"That ok, Jay?"

"That's cool. I don't wanna go anywhere. I am happy right here with the girls. And since you're emptying out the entire house, we'll have a light lunch."