CHAPTER NINETEEN-OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.

This girlfriend of his shared the same internal clock, waking religiously at 4am. He needn't ask himself why, he'd ingrained the hour of the morning into her on the flipside in the school. Their days started early there. Here, not so much. There wasn't much to do at 4am and he had a routine down pat. He would wake, then jerk off if alone or fuck whoever lay beside him, then read through the news online for awhile before the world woke up. Julia laying next to him meant he was jerking off in the bathroom, then reading through the news with her till the world woke up. When she said she was cutting him off, Julia meant that.

The apartment was close quarters for two men. Adding Julia and her accessories into the mix made for closer quarters. She had cleaned his room for him. He hadn't since her look-a-like had cleaned it before her. She got along fabulously with Ben and he set her straight as to the state of their relationship. Chess had already ended things with Ben, so the two of them could share their woes.

"Julia, how long are you making me wait?" He asked her every day and each day he didn't get a response. She had already told him once, 'when I am good and damn ready, Chess'. Turned out Julia was not a fan of repeating herself either. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out why the girl was so bitter.

"Who are you texting?" She asked as she heard the keys on his phone as he pressed out a message.

"Macy." He answered.

Macy, another problem for Julia Fry, but he never once viewed his Macy as a problem to be solved. On that, he was firm with her. She brought up traveling to another time and place before graduation and a conversation he had with Julia Morgan and Macy Monroe. A night he had spent with two girls and a boy named Andy that he had tucked away in a drunken memory vault and had evidently not only been unlocked by him, but for Julia as well.

"How is the wife, Morgan?" She asked dryly.

He'd about had enough from all his females. Ben never gave him any shit for anything he'd ever done. Honesty helped that along. He'd always told Ben, from the beginning in fact, that they could never be more than bed buddies and friends. When he asked why, the girl stood clearly between them in one form or another. "That girl right there." The one he'd divorced, the one he had never married. Recently the mood and the negativity, though, he swore they were one in the same. She had adjusted back into normal, modern life easily. She adapted to any surrounding with ease and if anything bothered her about the flip side, then Fry never let on about it. She could roll with the punches.

She shadowed him whenever he had work to do or business to accomplish, but he always kept her from particular associates unless they'd tag along for a future ride. Some people she would need to know and some were on a need to know basis. Having a little partner in crime took some getting used to. Julia always tagged along with Jay on the flipside, or vice versa. Like those two were made to work well with each other in some shape or form. She and Jay got along and understood each other in a way he could not manage with her. He didn't have to explain himself or his actions or his business to anyone, then she popped up from an alternate timeline and there he sat explaining why he carried and why he did what he did and spoke to whom he spoke. He had no choice when she came across the bag of drugs and cash in the bottom drawer of his dresser and neither belonged necessarily to him. He wasn't about to start explaining drug trafficking to the girl. "Babe, did you live in Philly with me or not?"

"I never saw anything like this when we were in Philadelphia."

"I kept that from her." Chess replied. "You, not so much. So when I say, stay here, or I drop you off somewhere and then come back for you, that's the reason, so quit asking."

"Quit asking..."

"I will deal with this. Babe, enjoy the little time you got while you got it."

"Like a vacation?"

"Yes, think of it like a vacation." He agreed to which she flipped him off. That was also a problem.

"Do it again, I will break your finger."

"Sorry, Chess. It seems appropriate when you get secretive with me. But you have been secretive since we got together. I'm just something on the side like the rest of what you do."

She was baiting him. He prided himself on not giving in and taking the bait. It didn't do much to diffuse her, but he picked his battles with his small ally. She knew that statement to be false as much as he did. He didn't have to prove anything to her. He'd already done it. She needed to get on board with the way things worked when people jumped around timelines. She would eventually come to understand what applied and what did not apply and realize that underneath all the bullshit, he felt the same about her no matter where he stood. No matter what their circumstance. He also knew he was grateful to have her even if she was moody and angry and confused.

As soon as the sun rose and he had completed his morning routine, he sured up plans with Jesslyn and then set out for a drive to Maverick where he would deposit his little honey with her twin and get a few hours of down time from her. As for taking care of Jesslyn like Julia had suggested, he doubted that there would be any sexual relationship between them. As long as Julia Fry's two feet were on the same soil as his, then the answer would be a resounding no. He'd learned that lesson. He would not be unfaithful to his girlfriend. He wouldn't risk that in real time. If that meant hurting Jess's feelings, then so be it. He did not want an intimate future with the girl from his past outside the realm of his unborn child. It was the mature and respectable route to take. In time, Jess would grow to understand that.

"Where are we going?" Julia asked as she slipped into her sundress.

"Home for awhile. I got stuff to do with Jess and Julia wants to see you."

"Jess? Like what?"

"An ultrasound and a doctor's appointment. That's what. I gotta be there by 830, so we should move along."

"What's Julia want with me? I don't speak with her."

"She's gonna beat your ass." He replied easily. "Remember, Jess is her friend. Remember, you threatened her?"

"Yeah, but I won't. I was mad." She shrugged, stepping into her underwear.

"Explain that to her, not me." He caught her before she pulled them up and brought her little body against his. She left out a little gasp from surprise. "Jules, I need this." He said, holding her ass in his hands.

"Chess," She whined as he spun he body and backed her against the wall.

"I need this." He turned her around and he lifted the sundress, peeking at her pale butt. "Please," He added nicely as he bit her shoulder, leaving a slight impression of his teeth on her flesh. "Babe, you know it's only you. I'll do as you wish. I have since the beginning of this."

"Will you fuck her if I don't?" She asked softly, feeling him pressing against her.

"No, I have everything I need right here in front of me. Julia, why don't you believe me?" His voice sounding so pleading at that moment. He hated it, but he let himself weaken for her. She like honest and she liked when he opened up to her. "I'll wait." He said, kissing her shoulder where he'd bitten her a moment ago. He loosened his grip on her and he held her, inhaling that juicy couture scent she'd spritzed on her dress and her chest and her hair and all her other parts. "I love you."

"I am angry about this baby." She admitted. "I will not share you with Jesslyn." 

"I don't wanna be shared with Jesslyn." He agreed. He'd already done that and he honestly didn't want to share her with Jesslyn either. "I didn't plan on sharing you either. That was always the plan, Julia. No sharing unless we agreed on it. I still believe that."

"Including Macy." She added.

He hesitated. "When Mace is ready, I want you to meet her and get to know her. Then you can decide. I'll leave that up to you. Is that fair? It's more than a compromise on my part."

Julia turned beneath him and faced him. "I never agreed to share you with anyone. She did. I am not ready to entertain that thought."

"Understood, Julia."

"Chess, I want us. Not us and someone else. I don't think that's selfish. I think it's normal."

"Under the circumstances, yeah."

"What circumstances?"

"You being normal and all." He paused. "You're waiting till I say the right thing?"

"Nothing specific." She giggled, putting her hands on his hips.

"Virgin." He looked down at her. "Is it the virginity thing? I-"

She shrugged, because she hadn't thought about it. "I just don't wanna feel like I made the wrong decision."

"You haven't. I never want you to feel like you have."

"No," She shook her head.

"I am so sorry you got dragged into this, Julia. But I am so glad you got dragged into this."

"We need to leave. You're gonna be late." She said, separating from him. She found her panties and pulled them on. She stuck flip flops on her feet and she took her cell. "Come. I'm hungry, too. I need coffee."

He followed his pale, little red head as she walked away, grabbing his keys and wallet from the top of the TV on the way. 

They drove through McDonald's for breakfast and coffee, ate in the truck on the ride. Julia seemed happier, lighter, in a better mood. She had always liked his words, the way he spoke when he was honest and open with her. Once on the highway, Julia unhooked her seat belt and slid closer to him on the seat.

"Julia, put your seat belt back on."

"No. I can't reach you from over there." She said as she placed her hand on his pants. She unbuttoned and unzipped him and reached inside, wrapping her small hand around him, getting him hard. "Can you focus on the road and not get us killed?" She asked him.

As if he'd never done this before. He didn't mention that to her. "Yeah, I can multitask." Any first she ever accomplished was never his first time for anything. Last person to give him road head had been Ben and Julia did her best Ben impression as they drove 55mph toward home.

He dropped her at the house and left to get Jesslyn. He was running late at this point, having pulled off the road and parked the truck because, as Julia said, road head only served to arouse her, so they parked at the nearest rest stop, hopped in the back seat and she finished what she had started. He had a feeling she was worried about him hooking up with Jess and the sex was a purpose driven reminder of who he belonged with.

He had invited his mother for this appointment and she was ready and waiting with Jess and Louann. His and Jess's daughter now had a fan club. Both moms were excited about going for the ultrasound, wanting to see 'their' baby. Sandy had warmed up to the idea of being a grandmother considerably. Jess looked glad to see him, had been worried when he was late that he wouldn't show at all and had blamed traffic on the highway.

Jess checked in and they were invited back to the ultrasound room a few minutes after arriving. At 21 weeks, her small belly protruded off her abdomen and the four of them sat in awe as the ultrasound probe glided over the jelly on Jess's abdomen. The black and white screen across from them showed blurry images as they had to be told what they were seeing. A spine was clearly visible and then the head. The sex of the child was clearly visible, at least for Chess. He'd witnessed Julia's ultrasounds enough to know he saw no indication of a penis. The tech asked whether they wanted to know the sex of the baby and the excitement erupted from the grandmothers when they all heard 'girl' in response to an eager yes. The tears flowed and little cheers of joy. They left with pictures for each person, printed on soft paper.

"Layla, Chess." Jesslyn whispered as the grandmothers walked ahead of them to the cafeteria as they turned off to go to the doc's office for Jess's five month appointment. "Why Layla, Chess?"

"I don't know, Jesslyn. I like the name is all."

"Ok, Layla it is."

He sat through a doctor appointment next to Jess and an exam. He'd been through a handful of these with Julia. They got all good news. They had all the positivity surrounding this pregnancy. No negativity. He wanted her to be happy and not have to worry about anything. He told her as much as she dressed after the doc left them in the room together.

"Ok, I got it." She replied as she redressed. "Thanks, Chess."

"Anything else you need? Let me know, ok."

"Yes, Chess. Just keep doing what you're doing."

"You, too." He handed her the purse and she hesitated to leave the room.

"Um, should I make an appointment for next month?" She waited by the door for an answer. "If it happens, then I won't need one."

"Yeah, do that. Like usual."

"How will I do this if we don't have a doctor, Chess?" She rubbed her belly and she looked nervous.

He didn't want to be insensitive, but women gave birth naturally all the time. He debated waiting to respond on this or whether to burst her bubble now and let it sink in. Julia gave birth a year ago with Jayson alone in the farmhouse. If they could manage that, then Jess..."We'll manage." He answered.

"What's that mean exactly? Do you have a plan for this?"

"Tentative plans, Jess." He was thinking about that among all other things he had to think about. "I can't do this for you." And I wouldn't want to... He felt fairly sure he had some level of pain tolerance, but the births he'd witnessed at the farmhouse were excruciating. Jay had given him a blow by blow of Caroline's painful entrance into the world. Jules was the strongest girl he knew and Jay said she was strong, but the pain was described as intolerable. "I'll, uh, be there though."

"I won't have a hospital or drugs or comfort or anything like that."

"You will have people with you. You will not be alone." That was the best he could offer.

"It's going to hurt though." She whined, pulling the door open. 

"Yeah, it will." He agreed. "Hungry. Wanna go to breakfast with the grand moms?"

"Sure." She smiled. She walked ahead of him and she made an appointment for August just in case the world didn't fall apart.

Jay and Julia went in the house, his hands all over her up the walk to the door and then once inside the door, they dropped to the floor fumbling with clothes as they lay on the carpet. "Um, excuse me." Julia said aloud from the kitchen. She peeked around the counter at them on the carpet.

"Well, Jayson, this could go a couple ways." Julia smiled, tilting her head back to look at her twin. "Wanna join us?" Julia asked as she pulled her sundress back up over her bare chest.

"Not particularly, no." She answered, getting up from the table. She walked to the two of them where they stayed on the floor. She hovered above and looked at Julia. "Chess said you have a problem with me."

"I do." She answered, her arms pushing at Jay's shoulders to get off her. He stayed put on purpose. He wasn't letting her get up yet.

"Well, what's the problem?" She folded her arms over her chest and she waited as she looked down at Julia.

She gave up pushing at Jay's shoulders and focused on the attitude above her. She wore the same sundress and as far as Julia could see up her dress, the same underwear.

"I don't have an issue with you and you should mind your own business."

"Jesslyn is my business, Julia."

"I'm not gonna bother her or go after her, if that's what you're worried about. So drop it."

"Girls, stop." Jay said.

"Nothing to start." Julia replied. "Not with you stuck under him."

"Oh, I am not stuck under anybody." Julia grinned. "Right, Jayson?"

"Probably. But there's not gonna be any problems here either."

"Nope." Julia answered as she relaxed beneath Jay.

She's lying...Jay thought.

"Nope, cause Chess explained how this works." She shrugged, backing away from the happy couple.

"What are you doing here?"

"She knew I was coming. Where have you been? I was alone here for like an hour."

"Running errands." Julia answered.

"I let you up, I won't have any problems?" He asked, looking down at her. She smiled a soft smile. "Evil." He smoothed her dress over her legs as he got up and then offered her a hand, assisting her off the carpet.

"As long as we have an understanding where Jess is concerned, we will not have any future problems." Julia said to her.

"We will not." Her eyes looked Julia over and she noticed they wore the same outfit. "What the heck? You cut off our hair?"

"My hair, not yours. Obviously he never left you get chased through a horde or you wouldn't have any either."

"I've seen my fair share of zoms." She muttered as she walked through the kitchen. She picked up the med bottles off the counter and she read the names off the bottles.

If not for medication...Julia thought, smiling as she watched her twin explore her home. "You can go now."

"Where?" She asked, setting the bottles down. "You're stuck with me, guys, till Chess comes for me. So where have you been?" She spied the ring on Julia's finger. She smiled and said nothing, but Julia had a feeling that her thoughts were laced with sarcasm. "Mrs. Keller." She smiled softly.

"Are you two just gonna stare each other down? Stop it. It's creepy."

Getting the two of them comfortable in the same room took some time. Neither was used to looking at their reflection like this. Jay admitted he would find it disturbing if the roles were reversed. As they spent an awkward couple of hours together, the more they spoke, the more they realized they had nothing in common. No shared interests. Neither wished to speak of the flip side and neither enjoyed the comfort of reality. Both seemed jittery and uncomfortable and speculated on the end and then the new beginning, what roles they would play and what they learned that would help them as they moved forward. What they could agree on was that neither wished to start over at the beginning.

Julia Morgan hid from the sun under the patio umbrella across from Julia Fry who soaked up the sun's rays on her skin.

"Eh, this time around I go in eyes wide open." Julia said, feeling the sting on her shoulders.

"As opposed to legs wide open." Julia responded dryly, scanning the scars on Julia Fry's arm. They'd healed nicely, but they scar tissue glistened in the sun. If she wasn't sun burned, she would have blushed. Julia didn't openly speak of her intimate side. Modest, still, after all these months. "I know what you do." Julia whispered.

"I know what you've done as well, sister." Julia Fry reached across the table and she took Julia's hands in hers. Julia felt a familiar zap, a spark of energy and Julia broke through it, reaching upward with a vaccinated energy that neither tickled nor burned. It just was, a salve for her wounds. Her febrile warmth made her palms sweat, too.

"What is that?"

"I call it light. I fill you with light." She replied.

"How can you do this? You're vaxxed. How did you open this?"

"Chess opened more than my legs, sister." She smirked as Julia let her explore. As the moments passed, Julia nosily picked around her brain.

"It was you, not me, holding us there."

"Yes." She nodded. "You planned on leaving me alone. I couldn't do it alone. I didn't know how."

Julia's eye brows perked up, surprised she had admitted that to her. "And now?"

"I don't have to. We survive. We put our survival ahead of others." She whispered, glancing toward the door, spoke under her breath. "Always."

"He put my survival first." Julia replied, feeling uncomfortable. "Always has."

"Good luck with him. I know you want the best. Can you deliver?"

"I am not pliable. I am stuck in my ways."

"Find some new ways." She left her hands go and withdrew from her.

Her energy attached to her brain matter like glue. She did feel different, good. Whatever the light was, she was full of it. "What was that? I feel fantastic. That light...you filled me with light."

"I call it purity." She smiled. "There's lots of names for it. Happiness, truth. It's been so long since you felt it, you don't remember what it feels like, sister."

"Huh?"

"It's what you've been looking for in the needle, the bottle, the pill, and the bed since Caleb Downing held you down and raped you."

"Awe, shit." She mumbled, then laughed aloud. "I do feel great, Julia."

"Yes, you should." She nodded, laying her head down on the table in front of her. "It's an even exchange, though. What I gave you, I lost, and in exchange, I absorbed a ton of that negativity. So I feel like shit as you would say."

"Take it back then." Julia said, putting her hands out to her. "Go on. It's not a good place to be."

"It feels like it. How do you walk around with this poison inside you?" She pushed her hands away and she righted herself. "I'll be cool. I wanted this. I wanted to know what pain feels like anyway."

"Pain."

"I can handle the most extreme physical pain imaginable, you know. That cut you got on your hand taking out that nest at Shades' ballroom, the pain you felt from it, that's nothing." She smirked. "But emotional pain. The pain that comes from the most horrible experiences and then to live through it, that's a whole different pain." Julia was speechless. "Yes, I wanted this. Any advice?"

"Well, you don't drink or smoke or do drugs, so I would say go to bed for a month and cry or you could do the only thing that you and I do that we have in common."

"What's that?"

"Chess Morgan. The rage, the darkness. Pain begets pain."

"I'll remember that."

"Any ideas?"

"I'll come up with something." She grinned. "I always do. So does he. He's very...sexual."

"In so many ways, sister. Let me count the ways."

"He still loves you."

"I know. I love him, too." She replied. "Be patient. You want it all and you want it now. It takes time and trial and error and...just love him. It's all he wants."

"I could say the same to you. Just love him. It's all he wants." Julia spied the ring again and took Julia's hand. She looked at the purple stone, the silver beaded band. "It's pretty. I like this. It's tasteful."

Julia laughed, pulling her hand away. Just love him...it's all he wants.

She glanced at the door and he stood quietly watching them. "Hey, you guys aren't fist fighting. That's a good sign."

He's a good choice. I made a good choice. Always go with your gut...she thought. She admired the way the sun shined on Jay's face. His big, soft smile. The way his brown eyes smiled along with his mouth. His hair in braids, no length to it. She glanced at her ring. Where had he found it? It had been bugging her since he placed it on her finger. She had seen it before and admired it before, but couldn't place where or when.

She was distracted from staring at Jay when Chess arrived. He made himself at home and slid his pack of cigarettes to Julia. "Thanks." She said, taking one. "How's Layla?"

"Normal." He answered. "She's all good." He slid the ultrasound pic across the table to her.

"Sweet, Chess." Julia smiled, studying the grainy, black and white picture. "3D is so much clearer though." Julia remarked as she recalled that fine piece of technology that imaged Caroline every month. "Cool. I'm happy for her. You. You know." She said, sliding the paper across to Jay who had come outside.

"Wanna tell me what I need for the birth?" He asked her. "I didn't plan that part and you and Tav were all over the babies, you know."

Jay took the ultrasound pic and sat next to her. "Is she gonna be the one who delivers the baby?"

Chess looked nervous about responding. "She delivers them with Tavin." He paused. "You don't have to, but what do I need for it?" Julia looked mortified. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm, uh, not upset." She replied. "Of course, she's my girl. I'll do this for her."

"Yeah, whatever she needs." Jay agreed.

"How about good drugs?"

Julia laughed out loud. "Awe, that's funny." She said, still laughing. "I'll start an epidural while I'm at it." She laughed. "No, Chess. It's the old fashioned way." She stopped laughing.

"I promised her I would do everything I could."

She didn't like his tone of voice. Seeing Layla had an effect on him. Suddenly it all felt too real. He couldn't really appreciate the belly till he saw what grew inside it. He couldn't really grasp the idea that he was going to be a parent until Layla's picture was cast on a screen and printed out for him to carry around. Forever.

"And you will." Julia assured him. "It's different when it's your own, isn't it?"

"Yes, Julia. I didn't understand."

"Geeze, can I get that in writing, Sir?" She teased him.

Chess got up and walked away from them. "Jay, you wanna take this or do you want me to?"

"I think he's feeling guilty again."

Julia scooted back on the bench and emerged from the shade of her umbrella. She followed him down the drive way to his truck where he was smoking another cigarette alone. "Hey, come back, Chess."

"I fucked up, didn't I?"

"Fucked up what? Layla is a gift."

"With you and Care. I'm-"

She stopped him before he uttered those words again. "Don't say you're sorry one more time, please."

She took another cigarette from him.

"But this whole year was my fault. Everything you did to yourself was my fault."

"No, it wasn't. It was my reaction to the loss of my daughter. Not the healthiest one, but it is what it is." She argued with him. "It would be easy to blame you. If I was gonna blame you, I would. But I am responsible for myself, Chess."

"It wasn't my decision to make, what I did."

"It wasn't." She replied. Just forgive him...it's all he wants..."We all have choices to make. Sometimes we make the wrong ones." She tugged his hand. "I forgive you." He looked like a weight had been lifted off him as they smoked on the lawn together. "Layla will be ok. So will Jesslyn. I get that you're scared. I understand that fear. You're worrying and she's not even here yet."

"I'm trying hard, Julia, to do the right thing with her."

"Ha, imagine how Jess is feeling right now."

"I'm trying to, Jules. I went through it with you, so I kinda understand her. I'm trying to be there. I call her everyday. I make all the appointments. I have-"

"You don't have to tell me. Is she happy?"

"I think so. Moms are, too. I spent the morning with the three of them."

"What's your problem then, if you are doing what you're supposed to do?"

"Not a good time to start a family, Julia."

"There never is. It's what I'm trying to tell you." She said, taking his hand. "Chess, I met Layla. She's gonna be ok. You're with her more than your boys. And then Kyra, you love your girls and your girls love you." She paused. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk about it, but I witnessed it with my own eyes."

"Kids, though, Julia, I-"

"Is this because of the kids at the school? You didn't make them sick or make them turn. That's not your fault either."

"But that's not saving lives, Julia."

"Yeah, it was. How many lived because of you that day? You guys secured a school and you prevented the entire school from turning, confining it to one classroom. Chess, you saved more kids than you lost. You sent how many home to their parents that night that would not have gone home if your team wasn't there?"

"I guess you have a point, Julia."

"Have you been back there?"

"No." He shook his head.

"Take a drive, then. Go back. Make peace with it somehow, Chess. Have you seen the memorial?"

"I haven't seen it, but I donated to it." He answered. "How are you making peace with all this, Julia?"

"That's between me and Jay." She answered.

"You're gonna marry him?" He asked, lifting her hand to look at her ring.

"May I? Do I have permission?" She asked half joking and half serious as he looked over her ring.

"Sure, I think it's a great idea." He answered half joking and half serious. "It's pretty." He smiled. "How many dead did he have to kill to find the right one?"

"Oooh, you stop that. I love it. It's perfect for me."

"You sure about this?"

"As sure as I was with you." She smiled at him. "It feels like the right thing to do, Chess."

Tavin held her hand in his and he looked at the ring on her finger, mouth hanging open over his dinner plate. He let her hand go and he was speechless for awhile. A couple times he almost spoke, but held back, not wanting to hurt their feelings, his or hers. When Julia left the table and played with Tarin in the yard, he gave Jay an earful.

"Are you crazy? Did she rub her crazy off on you?"

"I love her, Tavin."

"Jay, you were fucking Jenn two days ago." He paused. "She knows about Jennifer."

"Not details, but yeah."

"But-" Tavin tried wrapping his head around the pending union and he couldn't. "Jay, I love her. I get it. But-" He paused, trying to come up with the nicest words he could. "I don't think you have thought this through. And she agreed to this?"

"There's a million reasons why we shouldn't and I have thought about and lived through every reason."

"Ugh, Jay. What are you doing?"

"You don't agree."

"Do what you want. I'll support you like I always do, but Jayson you know how she is."

"I know exactly how she is."

"Jay, I know how it feels when she connects, but-"

"Tavin, I can hear you." Julia said, looking around the ladder on the sliding board. "I am standing right here."

"Don't make her feel bad."

"You have a couple deep conversations and then this?"

"Think positive." Jay smiled.

"Think with your brain, bro."

"Tavin." Julia hushed him.

"I am thinking with my brain."

"You're as excited as a pet at the door when the master comes home."

"Jay, don't." Julia yelled at him. "Get up and walk away." She suggested, hoisting Tarin onto her hip.

"I'm not gonna hit him." Jay said, looking at her across the yard.

Why the hell not? She thought...I would have...

"Do you want me to?" He asked.

"No." She shook her head. I would have gone over the table if he'd said that to me...they'd have to pry me off him...I'd scratch him up with my nails and bite him and hit him...that comment went too far.

"He's not asking your permission, Tavin. He doesn't have to explain himself either."

"Marrying you isn't gonna solve any problem, it's gonna create them or make them worse."

Hold onto the baby. Hold onto the baby. She repeated that to herself. She held him tight even when he demanded to be placed on the grass. If I put this baby down there will be a fight. I'm getting angry.

"Jules, put him down." Jay said.

"No." She answered. "I-I can't." She replied, loosening her grip on the boy a bit.

"Yes, you can. He wants down." Tavin said.

She set him on the grass a moment later and he ran to the ladder on the slide. She stuck with him as he climbed and then watched him slide. She felt the pressure building in her head, behind her eyes and she let the tears roll over her cheeks while they played. Tavin quit talking and Jay watched them play.

"Oh, no, no, no, no." Tarin's small voice sang when she leaned to pick him up for the swing.

"No?" She asked as he ran from her. "Ok, then." She laughed a little. He had clearly indicated he wanted the swing. His little body maneuvered the steps holding onto the rail and then he pointed and grunted to the napkins on the table. Jay handed him one, knowing where he was going. He kicked Tavin's leg under the table to get his attention off his cell phone.

"Hmm, what?" He asked, watching Tarin go back to Julia in the yard. He reached for her and she picked him up, holding him against her as the baby dabbed that napkin on her moist cheeks.

"No, no, no, no, no." He repeated, looking so concerned and his big brown eyes gazed into hers.

"Ok, ok, ok, ok." She laughed, kissing his cheek.

"She has feelings, Tavin."

"Where on earth are we driving, Chess?" Julia asked as she realized they head the opposite direction of home.

"Relax, it's gonna be awhile." He said as the Navi indicated they'd be on this highway for at least an hour. "Gonna tell you a story." He lit a cigarette and he reached into his memory. He started at the beginning, from the time they received the call until the time they wrapped up the incident and left the school's small suburban campus. She listened quietly for an hour and a couple times he checked to make sure she was awake, because she entertained him so quietly and without interruption. When he finished his version of the Rochester incident, having left no detail omitted, he further checked to make sure she didn't have ear buds in her ears, because she had no comments or observations. Not even a 'wow' or 'awe' or 'that sucks'. "Nothing? I told you all that and I get nothing from you?"

"What would you like me to add to that? It's depressing." She took a drink from her bottle of iced tea. "Ironic how you plan on spending the rest of your life on a school campus and raising the next gen of infantry. Is that like your way of paying it forward?"

"Huh? I never thought of that."

"Makes sense, Chess, locking us all up on the school grounds and not allowing us to leave. The way you make the children a priority, as well they should be, but from what I have heard, long after the streets are free and clear, you stay locked down."

"I think I make a few enemies along the way."

They quieted for nearly another hour, having switched onto another route.

"So how far away is this school?"

"5 hours." He answered her. "So chill, babe."

"I am quite chill, babe." She mimicked him.

"How did your talk with Julia go?"

"Well. I cleared up Jess for her and she did the same. No fights. I confronted her though. I am not scared of her."

"Ok." He smiled.

"Jayson restrained her, but I did confront her."

"Would you have if she wasn't restrained?"

"Sure, I would." She sounded more confident than she felt. "How was your morning?"

"I took the grandmothers with us, Julia." He said. "Lay's my daughter and you're going to be a part of her life." She remained quiet, watching the road pass. "I mean that. I want you to be a part of her life."

"Yes, Chess. I can help raise your daughter. Be a step mom. Sure."

"There is nothing wrong with that, Julia. If I had known, Julia-"

"Do not start explaining the difference between there and here again. I completely understand it as you have explained it."

"It doesn't hurt any less. I've been there."

"As you have explained."

"What is wrong with you today? You were happy this morning, if I remember correctly."

"I filled her up with light." She wiggled her hands and fingers in the air. "In exchange for filling her up with light, I was filled up with dark."

"Eww, why?"

"It's an exchange, not a donation." She snapped at him. "As I explained to her, I can tolerate physical pain, but emotional pain, I am unfamiliar with it."

"Why would you do that?"

"I figure in small doses, I can build a tolerance to that as well."

"I like your emotion. I like that you can be vulnerable, Julia. It makes the two of you stand apart."

"She needed to feel it again. I felt charitable."

"How do you feel?"

"Yucky."

He laughed at her choice of words, but wasn't surprised. "Yucky." He repeated.

She elaborated for him. "Unstable. Full of doubt. Lost. Afraid. Numb. Sad. Like that feeling after you throw up and your body is trying to adjust to being sick. Poisoned. Toxic."

"Ok, I think I got it."

"Dirty. Rejected. Used. and that's skimming her surface. I don't know how she walks around feeling like this." She paused. "I feel uncomfortable in my skin. Like if I could scratch it off, I would. And I have a very strong desire to escape."

"Energy."

"Negative, spoiled and rotten energy. It's very dark. Violent. Rage. I-there are not words. She's learned to thrive like this. Like a dead flower that someone keeps around cause it meant something once or used to be pretty. That is how she feels."

"Fuck, Julia. That's just not true."

"That may not be how you all feel about her, but it is how she feels when you look at her. It is very difficult to separate myself from it."

"You get all that from some energy? I have had her energy."

"She gives you what she allows you to have." She extended her hand and waited for him to take it. "A glimpse?" He didn't take her hand. "Maybe later." She shrugged. She remained silent the rest of the ride to Rochester. Alone in her own thoughts, but with feelings that belonged to someone else.

Chess pulled into the lot at the elementary school and he and Julia walked along the sidewalk in front of the main entrance and around the building to the side where the memorial stood. Not what he had pictured in his mind's eye. A small stone wall with bright flowers planted around it. On this wall each child's name was inscribed. He read over the names on one side as she did the same on the opposite side of the wall.

"Hey, Chess. Come look at this." She said as she crouched by the base of the gray wall. A name plate at the bottom had caught her attention. He squatted beside her and the name on the plate jumped at his eyes.

"Layla Morgan." He said under his breath. He sat back on the grass and he stared at the name plate. His eyes glanced above the plate to the next one. "Kyra Morgan." He could barely hear his own voice. "Julia, they are my daughters' names."

"This can't be a coincidence, Chess."

"I killed Layla and Kyra Morgan. I must have that in my head somewhere to name my own girls..."

"Girls." Julia repeated.

"Kyra is my daughter with Macy. A long time from now." He answered before she got mad at him. "We have four boys, but she will name all of them." He took his cell from his pocket and he snapped a pic of the name plates. "They're twins." He said, taking note of their birthday. "Wonder what they looked like?" He asked. Turned zombie kids all blurred into one strange looking zombie kid when they're bloody and dead and trying to eat you. "Only two of us were willing to go in." He said as he put his phone away. "Me and Henderson. The burn was the worst. We shot them all, a couple hadn't turned yet. We placed them on the reading carpet and we lit them on fire. We contained the fire to one room and then the clean up came through. We were done." He felt her hand on his shoulder and he swore it was Julia Morgan. She gripped him the same, pulled him against her as wifey would and she held him against her chest as he cried.

"It's not done though." She whispered. "Is it, Chess?"

"For now it is, yes." He pulled away and wiped his tears and he made himself get up. "The girls who hid under the teacher's desk. Layla and Kyra...they were the girls who hid."

"Were they bit?"

He nodded as he took her hand and he walked off the grass. "I killed Layla and Kyra." He said again. "I gotta get outta here."

"Well, let's go home then. Want me to drive?"

"Nah, I'm ok. I don't know if I feel any better, but it explains some things."

They went to dinner where he gradually came back to normal. He lightened up, talked and handed her the phone. He instructed her to find them a suitable hotel for overnight and then went to the bathroom. She had everything set up for their over night by the time he returned to the table. Basic room and a decent price, he brought in a bag from the truck and dropped it on the floor.

"Did you plan this ahead or something?"

"I always have a go bag in the truck, Julia. Just in case."

"Got one for me?" She asked.

"It's in there." He motioned to the bag. He'd added her things in after she arrived from the flipside.

They both showered and watched TV awhile. Chess wanted a drink and thought about going for something or down to the bar on the corner for a six pack, when she told him no. "Please don't get drunk because of this day, Chess."

"Alright. It was only a thought. You don't drink anyway." He reminded her. He went to the vending machine instead and bought some sodas and snacks. The modernity of the vending machine business amazed him as he swiped his debit card and got all the snacks he desired without any cash at all. He took his cache of munchies back to their room and smoked once he got outside their door. His eyes scanned the vicinity. Total quiet and heat of an August night. He didn't like being six damn hours away from home. If the shit hit the fan, then he'd be five hours behind schedule and have to make it back...he stopped himself, reminiscent of Julia and her anxieties. There wasn't anything he and his sidekick couldn't handle together and he would deal with whatever happened, if anything at all happened. He was ready no matter where he stood. The truck alone...he flicked the cigarette butt and gathered up his snacks and went to Julia who occupied the same spot and held the remote.

"Hey, you." She smiled. "Wanna play a game with me?"

"Cards. I have some in the bag." He grinned. He hadn't played poker with her in some time.

"Not quite." She shook her head. "Can I be honest with you, Chess?"

"Yeah." He opened the soda he bought, thinking 'this should be interesting'.

"Well, all that energy I took from her..." Julia blushed

"Yeah,"

'Wanna fuck?" She asked.

"You just say fuck?" He laughed.

"I certainly did."

"Ok. You don't have to ask."

"Um, so the game..."

"Spit it out, babe."

"I want to wear the ring. I have so much of her energy that I wanna pretend to be her. You treat me like her."

"Julia, I already do."

"Nah, no you don't. You're lying to me."

"Uh, I assure you, it's a little different. You're worse." He said. "Not worse, but you're stronger in that aspect and I can do what I want with you and you don't complain."

"Gimme the ring."

"She wouldn't say it like that."

"Where's my ring, Chess?" She asked with an appropriate tone of voice.

He felt chills as she was looking at her ring-less fingers. "Well, that's more like it."

"Do I need to earn my ring?"

"This is weird. Stop it." He smiled.

"Oh, so I am close to her."

"Get dirtier and you gotta talk different. You gotta cuss, which you don't do."

"Gimme my ring, babe." She cooed sweetly.

He sighed as he leaned over the bag and he opened a small inside pocket. She's gonna kill me for this...he thought...if she knew I was playing games with her ring...with this one of all people...but this could be fun. He withdrew a glassine baggy that contained the ring. He'd had it cleaned and the stone shined bright through the bag. "Julia, can I ask one thing before we do this?"

"What's that?" She asked, sitting up on the bed. She got to her knees and she left her hair flow down over her shoulders and chest. No longer under the cover, he saw her pink skin, flat stomach, all the familiar curves. He stepped forward and he positioned her. Legs apart, only slightly. He set her palms face down on her thighs. He fixed her hair, exposing her breasts.

"When it hurts, you have to act like it. You gotta tell me. You can't enjoy it. She doesn't like pain, so I'll-there's ways around it." He explained. "Um, you'll see that we are normally very rough and I am not with her."

"Cause she was raped and I wasn't."

"Mmm, maybe. I don't know. All I do know is I don't hurt her."

"Oh, so no stinging or hair pulling."

"I am not allowed to touch her hair. No restraint at all whatsoever. I will not hold you down or anything. You'll see."

"Kinda like my first time."

"No." He laughed. "I pounded the fuck out of you your first time."

"Is what we do weird?"

"Depends on who you ask, babe." He shrugged, because their sex verged on abuse. He'd become quite skilled at hurting her without leaving marks. He paused before he slid the ring on her finger. "Let's get one more thing straight. She makes love to her husband and I fuck my wife."

"Ok."

"This game is your idea. What I say to you, Julia, that might hurt. You sure?" He asked again, touching her face.

"I am."

He took the ring back and placed it in his pocket. "Does Tylenol work on your fever?"

"Yeah, but I never take it because it damages the liver in large amounts and around the clock it would-"

"One dose won't kill you." He said, tossing the bottle of Tylenol her way from his first aid kit. "As soon as that fever comes down, I'll fuck my wife."

She took three pills down with her drink of iced tea from the vending machine. "What about my scars?"

"Can't hide them. But the fever, we can. She's not hot."

"We look just alike."

"So? It's an attitude and a mood. You own this. It's yours. The ring seals it, it has the magic inside it. I don't know if that's necessarily true, but she believes that. She loves her ring. She loves me. It doesn't matter whether we go at it everyday or once a year or once a decade, she is my wife and she will always be my wife. I don't fucking care if there's a divorce or not. When she speaks of her husband, then she thinks of me."

Julia watched him as he spoke. He meant every word he was saying. "You love Julia."

"I love Julia. You'll see. So there's still time to change your mind."

"But-"

"Not to say I don't have feelings for you. I tell you all the time. I say things to you that I only have said and would say to you. When we're in relationships with people, we take on the persona they want and vice versa. There's a level of flirtation and interaction and an energy between two people. That energy has a signature, it's a sixth sense, runs deeper than the surface. It is what is unsaid between two people. It is called love. Understand me?"

"Yes, I think so. How come we never talk like this?"

"Think I talked with her like this 9 months in? No. I spent years with her figuring this out."

"Why aren't you with her?"

"Um," He thought about that a moment. "She's in love with Jay."

"No, she's not."

Julia knew it was wrong when she opened the beer. She kept hearing Tarin's voice, 'no, no, no, no'. It was drink or weep and she wondered what happened to all the light her sister filled her with. That hadn't lasted long. She drank the beer as she looked around the downstairs of the house and she couldn't find a suitable bottle of anything worth imbibing. Beer...she drank at the counter and then the light switched back on. It had been Tavin's mouth. If there was a direct reason or cause, then Tavin was the source. Then Tarin's sweet little hand as he wiped away her tears.

"You sure about that?" Jay asked as he sat along side of her. He took a drink from the same bottle. He spied the pill bottles, the lid from the beer sat in front of them. "Good day and a bad day." He commented. The August heat was awful, but the cold beer tasted great. Especially with the dry mouth.

He reeked of pot, Julia sniffed him. "You smell great." She smiled. She took her beer back and finished the bottle. It was all there was in the house.

"Come with me." He said, leading her away from the counter.

"I'm sorry, Jayson." She belched the beer and even that tasted divine. "I love you, babe. You don't understand..."

Once upstairs, he closed them in the bedroom and he handed her what she wanted.

He took a drink from the open bottle and nearly gagged. One shot, two shots, three shots and Julia laid down with him, curled against him and felt the klonipin mixing with the vodka. "Thanks, Jay."

"You're welcome. Go to sleep." He told her.

"I'm not drunk, Jay."

"I know that. I am also not mad at you." He held her hand. "I love you, Julia."

"I'm really sleepy. It's all the klonipin. All the klonipin."

Strange, she thought as she opened her eyes and saw a bright lit room. She was on the bed and on her knees nude. It didn't take long to figure out what on earth was going on and it was not a dream. She covered herself. One arm over her chest and the other over her lower half before she pulled the blanket back around her. Why does this always happen to me?

"What?"

"Fever go away yet?" He asked.

"Why? I feel fine." She replied as he yanked the blanket from her. "I don't have a fever." She covered herself again, pulling her knees to her chest. "Chess, please." She rolled her eyes. He stood up and he approached her, placing kisses on he forehead and around her face. "This is really sweet, but-" He tilted her head upward and he kissed her.

"Did you hear anything I just said to you?" He reached into his pocket and she looked away, thinking he was pulling out a condom, but he flashed her ring in front of her and he took her hand, she gasped.

This has to be a dream...She said as she felt the metal sliding over her finger...wake up...

"I can't do this..."

"Shhh, I love you." He said.

"The ring though, Chess. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Well, you're sounding just like her." He got on the bed with her, separating her legs and laying her back.

She shimmied away from him. "I don't even like you, Chess."

"You sound exactly like her."

"I thought you sold our ring on eBay." She said. He stretched on his arms above her and looked a little puzzled as his hips moved against her. She held her hand up and she looked at the stone. Such a striking light blue. "It's so shiny, you had it cleaned." She commented. "I love this ring."

"I know. I killed bitches for that ring."

"I miss you, Chess. But I can't do this. It's not fair to Jayson."

"Well, damn, you're going to far with this little fantasy of yours. Tone it down a little."

"Fantasy." She grinned. Fry had some juice in her after all. She was giving him his wife. "You two are sick, twisted people." She informed him. "Using my ring to get off."

"This was your idea."

"You need wifey that bad, Chess?"

"No. I told you...fuck, babe, you're arguing just like her. Getting on my damn nerves."

"Which part of the wife do you want exactly, because the mouth comes right along with the pussy. Or did you just want the pussy?"

"Oh, this is just weird, Julia. I can't." He got to his knees and he reached for her hand.

"Leave my ring alone. This ring belongs to me. I am not taking it off." She balled up her fist and she refused to open it for him.

"Huh?" He asked.

"You, weirdo. Her pussy is the same thing. Only so much hotter. You melt in it, remember? How is mine any better?"

"It isn't the pussy. I told you that. It's her. See, you're getting jealous. I explained this to you. It's a game to you. But to me, Julia is not a game. The ring is not a toy. So when you play this game, looking and feeling exactly alike, those scars...I don't see them. When you speak to me, I will hear her. When you move for me, I will feel her. When you come for me, it will be her. When I speak to you, I will speak to her. The words I say and the feelings I feel will be for her and her alone. Can you handle this or not?"

"I would like very much to make love to my husband. Hear all those things you like to say to me." She placed her hands on his face, holding his cheeks softly. "Is this the universe telling me I need to hear them? From someone who means them? Do you mean them? Does anyone really truly mean the words they say? Can I love more than one fucking person at a time? Why do I always wind up with you, holding onto you?" She looked at her ring on her hand attached to an arm that had scars on it. She felt hair against her skin that did not belong to her. She felt a man between her legs that she divorced. "I love you. Get off me before we make a huge fuckin mistake here." She held her hand out to him as tears filled her eyes. "I need to call Jayson." She said as tears streamed out of her eyes and over the side of her face. "Please, Chess." She sobbed. "Or take me home. That's a better idea. Please, take me home."

"Why does this happen?" He backed off her and he placed a blanket over her.

"I don't know." She answered. "Please." She sat up with the blanket over her parts that he'd witnessed a million times. "Take me home."

"We're five hours away from home, Julia."

"Huh? Where are we?" She knew she was in a hotel room, but how they got five hours away, she couldn't grasp.

"Rochester." He replied.

"Oh, the school. Did you go?"

"Yeah." He nodded and he took his phone and sat next to her. He showed her the picture of the wall and the memorial and the name plates on said wall.

"Makes sense."

"Did you know about this?"

She nodded. "The kids names were online. It's not a coincidence that you name your girls after these twins. I didn't think it was anyway. So, I figured you'd remember whatever you forgot when you saw it." She opened google and she typed in the name of the school's website. She showed him the twins' picture. "Layla and Kyra Morgan."

"I could have remembered all this at home too. I didn't have to drive five hours away to remember or deal with it." He closed the phone and handed it back to her. "You know I am not driving home now, right." She nodded, tears started drying up.

"No more drinking. I don't know what happened."

"You connected with my girlfriend and then drank and passed out. Your use has something to do with it."

"It happened at the school when we took out the nest. We were connected then too. Once it fades, we'll be alright."

"What are you drinking for?"

"Tavin said some mean things." She answered as she pulled clothes on her body. "Mean things that made sense, but were insulting as fuck and I didn't fight him, I drank instead."

"What did he say?"

"It doesn't matter." She replied as she took his pack of cigarettes from the table by the door. "Come smoke with me."

"She doesn't smoke."

"She does tonight. Or we drink." She suggested with a frown on her face. "She smoke weed?"

"No."

"What does she do? Other than play out weird fantasies that involve my ring?"

"You were not supposed to see that."

"It's ok. I don't mind." She propped the door with her flip flop and she sat on the curb in front of their door with him and they shared from his pack of cigarettes. "He said that marrying me will only create more problems or make them worse. He told Jay that he was, um, 'as excited as a puppy at the door whose master just came home'."

"Ugh, but it's possible and that's true. Jay's excited."

"But it hurt him. I don't like people hurting Jay's feelings. It made me sad and then angry and I wanted to hit him so bad. I love Tav, but he was such a dick."

He started laughing. "I could add him to the list."

"Stop it." She smiled. "No list." She nudged him. "Chess, I was pleasantly passed out on klonipin and vodka. What the fuck?" She mumbled. She paused, feeling her heartbeat pick up. "Klonipin." She said under her breath. "Oh, fuck, the klonipin."

"What about it?"

She jumped off the curb and flew through the door into the room. She dialed Jay's phone and begged him to answer.

"What's wrong?" He asked. She looked scared as she pressed send call and begged Jay to answer the phone.

"He's not answering."

"So."

She flipped through the phone contact list and looked for Tavin's name. "Where's Tav?"

"Under the brother."

She shot him a look as she pressed send. "Tavin. It's Jules. Go get Julia. Go wake her up."

"What? What time is it?"

"Klonipin, she took the bottle of klonipin."

"The whole bottle?"

"With a beer." She looked at Chess. "She tried to...she's dying, Tav."

"Is this a joke?"

"No." She said calmly. "Oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God." She started crying again. "Oh, shit, Chess. I took all the klonipin."

"That's like Xanax."

"Kinda sorta."

Chess took his phone off Julia who was near panic by this point. "Oh, my God. We switched. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What have I done to her?"

"Tavin." Chess said calmly. "What the hell's going on?"

"How many did she take?"

"The fucking bottle." Chess replied, looking at Julia who paced and cried across from him.

"It's her, not me. Oh, fuck. Is she alive?" Julia asked. "Chess, is she ok? Oh, my God."

The phone disconnected.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Chess asked, looking at the cell screen. "Julia, that's my girlfriend..." I love her... He felt like the floor was dropping from beneath him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know this would happen. I'm sorry. Chess, I can't go back or I would." She cried. "Chess, call back. Call them back." Julia needed one of those klonipin at that point in time. "Home, we have to go home."

"Shut up." He said calmly, slumping back on the bed. "Please, shut up."

Julia stood by the TV and cried, her body shaking and her insides churning. Her body felt wretched and her head was aching from crying. "Chess, I-" He looked at her and his face was horrified. How could he remain so calm? "Call th-them bbback pppleeasse." She was starting to stutter at this point.

"You took the entire bottle of klonipin."

"It was supposed to be me."

"Next to Jay. You were just going out like that with him. He was gonna find you or-Julia, you will turn."

"He's immune." She whispered.

"He would not put you down." He yelled. "I don't want to put you down. What on earth will we do with your body?"

"Incidddddentt."

"Fuck you." He yelled at her. "Why? Cause of Tav?"

"Bbabbyy."

"Care?"

"Tarin." She replied. "no, no, no, no, no. I should bbbbee wwith heerrrrr." She wept as he had never seen her weep before. Between the guilt she felt for Julia Fry and the baby and then Jayson laying next to her...

"Fuck you." Chess mumbled, taking his pistol from the bag and tucking it behind his back. "I ain't losing two of you in one night." He looked at her, eyes sad. "Calm down." He ordered. He thought as he sat there, minutes seemed like an eternity. He started putting on his shoes. "Either way, we gotta go home." He pulled a tee over his head. He tossed her an outfit as all she wore had been the blanket from the bed. "Julia, it's gonna be ok."

"No, it's not."

"Jesus, if anything happens to her." Julia started sobbing again. "Julia, baby, please calm your ass down." She followed him out to the truck when he finished packing. He opened the door for her and she climbed inside. Chess started the long drive home and when the cell screen lighted up, he pulled off the highway and he answered. "Tavin, tell me good news, please."

"You should come home. Where are you?"

"Four hours, maybe 3 no traffic." He answered. "You need me?"

"Yeah." He answered and he hung up.

"Chess, is she-"

He put the truck into drive and he pulled back onto an empty highway. He would take his time. Julia no longer functioned on the world's clock. And it was all he could do not to kill the one that sat to his right.

Julia woke up when he parked the truck. The lights were on inside the house and Tavin and Jayson were both awake and sitting at the kitchen counter. For the first time in a long time, Julia was scared. He dragged her in the house despite that fear and he made her stand with them at the counter.

"Where is Tarin?"

"I took him to Kelly."

"Alex."

Tavin looked at the basement doorway.

"He knows."

Tavin nodded.

"He alright?"

"What do you think?" Tavin asked sadly. "Are you?"

"I will be." He looked at Julia. "Ready?"

She nodded and didn't look at any of them. "Mmm-hmm." She answered quietly and she walked away from them and she went upstairs. Every light in the house was on.

"Did you all say what you need to say to her?"

"I don't have anything to say." Tavin answered honestly although he was visibly shaken up.

"Alex?"

"He did."

"You?"

Jay nodded. "Julia's gonna-"

She's going to see what the hell she's done. She's going to face it and she's going to live with it and she's going to watch her body burn. She is responsible for this..."Help me, yes."

Jay opened his mouth to speak and Chess cut him off. "Defend her and I will shoot you."

"I just wanted to know where you're going?"

"The cabin." He answered. "Did anyone tell Jody?" Tavin and Jayson didn't respond. "I will. He was close to her."

"I want to go." Jay said through red, puffy eyes.

"No, Jayson." Tavin answered for Chess. "You don't need to see that, no."

"Take Caroline with her."

It's not your fucking loss. It's not our loss. It's mine. I will clean this mess up with person responsible for it. "I will."

He turned from them and walked upstairs as calmly as he ever walked. He was angry, not sad or emotional. Julia sat on the side of the bed and she looked at herself. Cool skin, blue lips, empty eyes. She had already felt for the pulse that wasn't present. She held her own hand and she cried quietly. "I haven't turned yet." She said, her voice a whisper. He set the bag down on the floor and he knelt beside the bed. Cold as ice, Chess took her hands and bound them. He crossed her ankles and he bound them. He pulled a roll of duct tape from his bag and he tore off a piece big enough to cover her mouth. "But-"

"She'll bite." He said calmly. "Jesus Christ, babe, think."

Julia held her own hand and she looked at the stone tattoo. She left the ring on her finger. When he untucked the sheets from the bed, she stood up and he rolled and tucked till her body was wrapped tight and then they stood staring at her. He glanced at the clock. "We gotta get outta here." He said. "Thank God it's the middle of the night."

He lifted Julia up and he carried her outside to the truck and slid her into the rear and set her on the floor. No one was in the kitchen when they passed through and they didn't tell anyone they were leaving.

Chess handed her his cell. "Call Jody."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

"And tell him what?"

"The fucking truth."

Julia hit send as they exited onto 222 north to make their way to the turnpike. Jody didn't answer, so she texted him to call when he got the message. As the sun rose and Chess marked his 25th hour being awake, he turned the truck off the turnpike and followed signs to Christmas Lake, pulling up to the cabin a short while later. Neither of them had been at the lake since their weekend and neither mentioned that as Chess removed Julia from the truck and he set her by the fire pit. He took Julia by the arm, realizing she was probably in a state of shock and then set her down with her sister and the cell phone.

"You answer this for Jody or Jesslyn. No one else. Wake me when she turns."

"Sh-should I tell him where we are?"

"Yes. Please. Tell him to call me when he's near home. There's things I want." He said, walking off toward the cabin.

"I'm freezing cold, Chess." She said, her teeth chattering as she spoke.

"I don't care." He replied coldly as she sat in a sundress with a fever as the sun rose above her. But he did care, because he brought her a hoodie from his bag and a pair of pants to pull on. "I love you." He mumbled, walking back to the cabin.

She stared tiredly at the cell as it buzzed in her hand. A half hour after Chess went in to the cabin, Jody called. "Jo." She said, her voice tired and hoarse. "Jody,"

"What's wrong, Julia?"

"Chess said to come here." She gave him the exit for the cabin off the turnpike. "He said call when you're near home, there's things he wants."

"Why are you at a cabin?"

"I can't tell you on the cell phone."

"Is everything ok?"

"N-no. I fucked up, Jody. I-"

"Which Julia is this?"

"Morgan."

"You're with Chess?"

"Uh huh, yeah." She cried.

"Tell me what happened."

"I can't over the cell. Come here, Jo. Call when you're near home. He wants things."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

Julia sat next to her own dead body by a fire pit and she waited an eternity for the turn. She was beginning to doubt she would turn. She spent the time going through the last 24 hours in her head and reminding herself that she was alive somehow. She had survived. "It's what we do. We put our survival before anyone else's." How many times had she tricked death? How many times could she manage to successfully evade the reaper? As she looked over the blue and white striped sheets in front of her, she realized how lucky she was. 9 lives. She thought. A bottle of klonipin and four shots of vodka to chase one beer and that was all she wrote. I should be with Care right now...I should be holding my daughters' hands right now. I should be...dead. Rather permanent adventure she had chosen, thus avoiding the end of the world and more death and killing and watching people die. I don't want to be a witness anymore. I didn't.

"I'm home." He texted her. The message lit bright across the screen and she panicked, hit send and scrambled to her feet as her body jolted to life before her eyes, thrashing and kicking and snarling. She left out a little scream as Jody answered the phone and she stumbled back and fell onto her ass.

"I'm home, Morgan. What's he want?"

"Home where?"

"The house." He answered as she heard the door shut on the car.

"Get out." She yelled. "Jo, get out. Turn around and leave now."

"Awe, come on. I just got here."

"It is an order. Turn around and get out of my house." She said calmly.

"Ok, ok. I stopped to see Tia."

"She is not there." She heard the door close and she heard him walking. He follows orders..."Drive away. I'm gonna put Chess on."

"Ok. I want to know what's going on. I don't like this."

Julia pushed through the door to the cabin and she woke him where he slept on the couch. "Jody."

"You tell him."

"I can't." She shook her head.

He rolled his eyes and snatched the phone from her. He rattled off a list of things he wanted and hung up. "Thanks." He said, handing her the cell. "Has she turned?"

"Yes. Just now. When Jody called."

Chess had had all of two or three hours sleep when he got up and walked out to the fire pit with her. They could hear Julia from the porch. The familiar growl that all zoms had, signaling hunger. He arrived first and he unwrapped her gently. He left the sheets around her open like she'd been un-swaddled. No life in her eyes. No recognition of him. Her mouth remained covered with the silver duct tape, so she couldn't bite or snap. "You're an angry little one." He commented as he smoothed her hair down and he straightened her shirt for her. "Shhh, shh." He hushed her. "I know you're hungry." Julia stood back and watched as he interacted with her. "You, sit down." He ordered. "30 klonipin later. 40 maybe?"

"Bout that." She replied.

"Worth it?"

"Wasn't supposed to be her, Chess." She said as she felt his arm go around her.

"You know, I am glad it wasn't you and I am mad it wasn't you." He told her. "Was it worth it?"

"It would have been. I would have been with Care and Jayla. I would have been at peace. I would not feel like this anymore."

"She told me how you feel. She said that when she gave you light, and obviously not enough, that she got an even exchange of dark. She was funny about it. She said it wasn't a donation, but an exchange."

"I felt fantastic for an hour, then it faded."

"She planned on giving you more light and absorbing the dark. She wanted to take it in small doses, learn to tolerate mental stress like she could tolerate physical stress. I think she admired it about you. The ability to survive and adapt despite all the negativity, put others first, stay strong in the face of adversity and hardship. Blah, blah, blah." He explained. "When we were riding up to Rochester, me and her, she described you to me. Her feelings, the residual that she had taken from you. I don't know why, but I should have realized you were thinking about it then. You were thinking about it when you were sitting with her."

"I was."

"So, it's how you feel all the time?"

"Depends on what she said?" Julia replied, placing her hand over his. He showed her what she had said, watching her sit in the truck and listening to the words being spoken in her own voice. "I feel like this all the time. More so since Caroline died, Chess. Tarin...after Tavin said those mean things. He got this napkin off the table from Jay and he came to me and that one year old understood my pain. He put it on my face and he wiped my tears and said no, no, no, no, no. Like he sees it and no one else did. I'll get over it. I'll deal with it, well I can't."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"How many times can I say the same thing and have no one understand what I am fucking talking about?"

"I understand what you're talking about. I do. You sent me five hours away from you to realize the same fucking thing. No, they were not my children, but they were children. Layla and Kyra were children. I shot two very living and breathing children in the head."

"Welcome to my brain. How many times did I tell all of you to let me die?"

"We do not want that for you or her."

"Who cares? It's my decision."

"You killed her."

"Not on purpose and yes, I did. I took my life. I ended my pain and suffering."

"You started mine." He argued. "Jayson. Did you think about him?"

"He saw the bottle and the lid was off. He took me to bed and told me he loved me and he laid with me while I fell asleep."

Chess sat in stunned silence. "So he wasn't upset because he expected this."

"Yes. He asked if I was sure."

Chess pulled his gun and he aimed it at Julia. He fired a single bullet into her head and her body ceased moving. Her growling voice quieted. Blood oozed from the hole in her head and the skull blew out the back of her head onto the gravel.

Julia jumped beside him, startled at the sudden gun fire. "Damn it, Chess. You scared me."

"Had to do that before Jody got here." He said. He loosened his grip on the weapon and he set it between them. "So, you still wanna die? Remember what happened the last time our asses all died? Where we're going could be a hell of a lot worse than this." He cautioned her that much. "Want me to do it or do you want to? I will put you down. There's a million types of pain and suffering out there." He pointed at zombie Julia. "That's only one of them. So, like I said, are you doing it or am I?"

"No, Chess."

"Why didn't you eat the gun a year ago? Cause you still had hope." He got off the ground as Jody pulled into the drive and parked next to the truck. "Explain this to Jody." He said, tucking his gun against his back.

"Ok. Is that why you didn't shoot me?"

"I am not going to shoot you. For fuck sake."

"What are you doing with me?"

"I honestly have no idea."

Chess met Jo at the car as he got out of the driver seat. "Have a talk with my wife." He took the keys off Jody and opened the trunk of the car. 

Jody looked across the expanse of gravel to the body laying next to the fire pit and the girl sitting next to the body. "Morgan,"

"Jo," She said, her voice hoarse.

"Oh, no. No, no, no. What happened to Morgan?"

"She'll explain." Chess replied as he lifted bags out of the trunk. He carried them away from the car to the cabin and then Jody stood in a state of shock by the car.

Jody eventually made his way to them. One laying dead with a bullet in her head and one crying quietly beside her. He listened as Morgan described her day and her afternoon and her night. He listened as she cried and tried to put words to what she had felt as she took handfuls of small pills and swallowed them with beer. He tried to understand when she said she still felt that way. He held Morgan's small hand in his, the rock on the face of her hand read witness. He rubbed his thumb over the word witness and he could not fathom the taking of one's own life. She had so much to live for and he told her as much.

"You don't understand."

"You are correct. I do not understand any of this, Morgan. She had as much to live for as you. She wanted to live."

"This was not my intention, Jody. I wanted to fall asleep and be with my girls."

"Us? Me and Chess? Jayson and Tavin? The kids?"

"You have her. You didn't need me."

"She's my friend, Julia."

"This is not what I wanted, Jody. I just told you it's not what I wanted."

"Why didn't you call me? Any one of us? You were with Jayson. Why didn't you tell him? Any one of us would have-"

"Jayson understood me for the first time in a long time. It was a sober decision. I was determined. I could go at peace with him or leave and go alone. He wouldn't let me go alone and he couldn't help me. None of you could help me. He understood that."

"Is he going too?"

She shook her head. "He doesn't want to. He appreciates this life. He has learned to appreciate it somehow. I never could. I haven't been able to handle life since I was raped, Jody. His death didn't resolve anything for me whether Jay killed him or someone else did. Nothing made that right. It's an impossibility, then it all unfolded into this. Nothing ever works out and nothing ever resolves, it's a revolving door of madness. I am hurt. I am always hurting."

"Julia, I have seen you hold it together. I have witnessed you strong and sober and loving and all the things you say you are not."

"I thrive in those extreme circumstances. It's a rush. It's the ultimate high. It's the thrill of it. It's an outlet for the rage that I cannot let out here. I can funnel all my anger and my madness into a goal and I don't dwell on the pain, I bring it onto others. I can save those worthy of saving and then eliminate those who do not deserve it." She tried to explain that to him. "It is our job. And I am unemployed."

"Two weeks though, Julia. You would be gainfully employed in two weeks."

"I don't wanna do it anymore either." She responded dully. "Look at my arm. What kind of life is this? This is my out." She cried again. "Look at her back and her arm." She cried, pulling up a sleeve. "Look at us."

"I love this girl next to me in all ways possible and it is not acceptable to live this life without her in it."

"I love you too, Jody. This was not about love or lack of love for anyone in my life." 

"What on earth happens now?" He asked, removing the duct tape from Julia's mouth and then removing the bindings from her wrists and ankles. He covered her with the sheet and stood up.

"Leave me your weapon, Mayers."

"Absolutely not."

"She was innocent, Jody. She didn't do anything wrong. I have. Do I live with the fact I took another soul from this place and these people?  " She asked, rising to her feet behind him. "They think I am dead, Jo. Am I supposed to live as Julia Fry and pretend nothing happened? I still live with these thoughts and this guilt?"

"I don't know, Morgan."

"Jody, please." She screamed at him.

"We don't kill the living."

"Unless they deserve it." She spat back at him. "Do I not deserve this?" She asked. "Jody!" 

Chess dialed Jayson and when he answered, he explained the course of events that took place that morning. He had brought Julia to the cabin. They waited for her to turn, which she did do many hours after her original death. Chess fired a single bullet through her head and she was at rest. Rather than being emotional or breakdown or cry, Jayson sounded relieved. "Thank you." 

"Are you Ok, Jayson?"

"No. I am not Ok. No, no. I don't have words for how I am right now. But I love her and I understand her decision. How did you know?"

"Julia said a dream."

"Ok. She didn't want anyone intervening though."

"I actually think I understand this." Chess said solemnly. 

Jay ended that phone call as simply and as easily as Julia had ended her life.

Chess plugged the charger into the cell and he fought off the tears that would come when he was alone. He was startled as Jody came into the cabin. The wooden door made noise as it closed against the frame.

"What-" Jody started to speak but he couldn't find the words. He sat in the chair at the end of the sofa and he held his head in his hands. "What just happened?" He asked despite the fact Julia had explained this ordeal to him.

"Jo, I am going to be completely honest with you." Chess replied. "I have no fucking clue."

"What do you want me to do?"

"You are here to keep me from killing her. That's your goal. I will let you know when the desire to kill her passes."

"That's not funny."

"I am not joking."

"Gimme the gun?" He suggested.

Chess complied, setting his weapon on the coffee table next to his feet. "You won't let me hurt her."

"I will not."

"I nearly shot her. I put her down instead." Chess sighed, wiping his tears from his cheeks.

"Jayson agreed to this." He said quietly.

"Jody, leave me alone, please."

"I'm sorry, Chess."

"Yep, I need to think."

Chess thought himself back to sleep.

Julia laid at the fire pit on gravel she didn't feel and slept with her head on Jody's hoodie as a pillow.

He woke to the smell of the grill and food cooking. Jody must have gotten hungry, used some of the supplies he brought on the way to the cabin. Sleeping off problems always seemed to help him and he woke with a fresh mind and a tired body. He hadn't had a night like that since his days on incidents. Misery and long hours. He could fix his train of thought with ample rest and then refocus once he awoke.

The hard part had been accomplished. The decision had been made. He chose his wife and he always would choose his wife. He walked to the fire pit, the gravel crunching beneath his feet and he looked at identical bodies beneath him. There were few ride or dies left for her. He left her rest. Sometimes a good night's sleep made all the difference in the world and maybe when she woke up, reality would set in. It wouldn't be a dream and then she'd understand or think differently or change the view she had. He honestly had no idea what he was going to do with her? Take her back to Jay, explain this madness and move on? Should he let Jody run with her or should she stick with him. Anyway the game played out, she'd need eyes on her till this depression passed. A depression that medication couldn't help, a desperation that she could not resolve. The last option would be to allow her to finish the task she'd started and burn two bodies before the night ended. That decision would not be left with her. Was the decision on his shoulders and should he have any right to make that decision? He knew that he had spent time and money to keep her alive at the end because the woman had purpose.

He and Jody ate in silence and she aroused when they were finishing up. He made her a plate and then brought her to the table to eat near the grill and they sat in more morbid silence. She stared at her plate and she couldn't look at either of them. She had no words. She felt numb and sad. On top of that, the guilt for taking out Julia Fry and causing Chess's hurt and sadness overwhelmed her.

"Turn it off, Julia." He said as he saw the tears again.

She was silent and she tried to turn it off. She tried to act as if the tears weren't there. The three sat still and quietly tried to process what happened. They'd yet to come up with a solution, but the incident of her own making hadn't completely been resolved. A body lay in sheets by the pit. Ashes to ashes...Chess thought as he looked across the yard to the pit.

""Does she die?" Chess announced. Julia was startled by his voice and jumped a little.

"No." Jody stated.

"No." Chess stated. He glanced across the picnic table to her. "We have heard your arguments, the answer is no." He paused before he asked the next question, knowing he was still on the fence in regards to her life. "An eye for an eye. Should we kill her?"

"No." Jody raised his voice.

"Yes." Julia answered. "If you killed a member of my family, then yes, I advocate violence. You do not kill a member of my family and walk away." 

"These are special circumstances. I vote no."

"She was expendable?" Julia asked Jody.

"Julia, no. That is not what I am saying. I am saying you are valuable, not that she was expendable." Chess argued. "Do you think I like this? What the fuck do we do? Cause I don't fucking know. I am trying to rationalize this."

"Just shoot me and burn me along with her. You cannot control me once we leave here. You have no control over what I say or do. I have-" Julia quieted, tiring of advocating for her death. She felt Chess's eyes burning into her and she knew what he was thinking before she could object. There was no withdrawing that statement. She had sealed her own fate.

"Oh, yes. I believe I do." He stood from his seat and he gathered the trash from their meal.

"Chess, please do not consider it."

"I don't know if I want it." He snapped at her over his shoulder as he dropped the trash into the fire pit.

"What are you talking about?" Jody asked.

"It's genius and I should have done it months ago. Why I didn't is beyond me." He looked directly at the body that lay on the ground in sheets. He could not appreciate the peace she sought. What was peace? Internal or external peace. "Jo, do you want to leave or do you want to watch her burn?"

"What are we doing with Julia?"

Chess crossed back to the picnic table and he reached in his pocket. He set the ring on the table in front of her.

"Chess, do not do it." She whined.

"Put your fucking ring on, Mrs. Morgan." He said calmly. "I rescind." He watched as she put the ring on her finger. Her entire posture changed and her mood along with it. "Turn off those tears."

"Yes, Chess." She replied, wiping her eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie.

His focus turned to Jody. "Problem?"

"No."

"Got any better ideas right now? Say the word."

Jody couldn't think of an answer quick enough.

"If this is a problem, let me know now."

"What about the truth, Chess? Honesty and all."

"No lies in the family, Jody, but secrets are an entirely different story." Julia offered him that much as an excuse for the lie. He'd heard it before. Tia had told him the exact same thing.

"Same function, same respect, same everything. Her role doesn't change. Julia is Julia."

"She'll need to tone it down a little, soften around the edges."

"She will."

"Do you agree with this?" Jody asked her, looking over Chess's head.

Julia opened her mouth to speak, but Chess intervened. "Do not answer that." Chess stated.

"Are you staying for the burn?" He asked as he crossed to Julia Morgan's body. He hated the burn, but this burn was necessary. He had taken this responsibility and he would see it through, releasing Julia Fry's essence and soul into the sky above them, returning the energy into the universe from which it came.

"We bury our dead." Julia spoke up, rising from the table.

"Julia Fry would want to be released." Jody said, approaching Chess and standing at his side.

"She liked watching the burn. The funeral for those who had no one to claim them."

Chess picked up the gas can at the foot end of the body and then doused her. He lit a single match and then dropped it onto the striped sheets. Julia joined them quietly standing to the side of them and she watched Julia Fry's release.

"I'm sorry." She said, her voice hoarse, and choking up.

Chess took her hand as the three stood witness for Julia Fry. "You may cry."