CHAPTER TWELVE-HEADS OR TAILS

"Chess, are you crying?" She asked as she entered the war room.

It's a better alternative than eating my gun. "Close the door, please, Julia."

He had never felt more useless and unproductive than he did the last month. He sat in semi darkness at a desk in his chair with a monster headache. Tears escaped his eyes and he couldn't control it. It took a month and he finally broke the hell down. His gut instinct said to stick with it, but his brain said run. Pack it in, take this warm little red head and leave. He had a constant argument with himself. Leave, stay, leave, stay. Walk away, hold the course. He needed help, more than he had currently. He had overworked and underappreciated people. He had a handful of capable people and his parents and her parent and women. This group of his was small. They could only accomplish so much in a day. He was overworking the men and the women were miserable. The list of needs grew longer and longer on a daily basis. They'd accomplish one thing and then fail at another. Julia sat on his desk in front of him and he put his head in her lap and he cried like a baby. She may look like her, may smell like her and comfort him unlike her, but she could not motivate him like he needed to be motivated.

"Chess, it's ok." She murmured, patting his back and rubbing his back.

"It's not ok." He denied this because it was true. She had no idea what she was talking about. She had no way of gauging how ok they were on a scale of disaster to getting by to truly ok. And they were just hanging on by the skin of their teeth. The cold was his biggest complaint. These people did not only complain to him, they all complained to others who brought their complaints directly to him. He had lost his right hand and he had lost his hardest worker. He had lost the one that could put this fuckery into perspective for him.

They had cleaned the place up and they had cleaned the place out. He had his people in dorms instead of an addition. They were safe because of the fence. They had no overwhelming or pressing issues. They had numerous projects started, the major one underway was the solar power. Jayson was working on it with Alex under his wing. A small team had gone out and gathered up what they needed for the job, but getting the job done with minimal know how was taxing on them. Tavin and Cal had procured diesel fuel and they used the generator sparingly. They were either freezing or overheated because they only ran the generator when it got too cold to stand the cold. Everyone was bundled up and complaining.

"It is not going to be easy, but we are ok." Julia said softly. "What can I do, Chess?"

He lifted his head and he saw her cold in multiple layers of clothes, fuzzy gloves on her hands that caressed him. Ugh...if she asked one more time...the all knowing had left the compound a month before and he was left with the blank slate of endless optimism. Through no fault of her own, Julia needed constant direction. She was self-starting, self motivating and self-sufficient, but in all the wrong areas. She had been successful keeping people happy, but that had never been Julia's intended purpose. He needed someone with ideas and know how. He needed people.

"Julia, can you do anything, anything that could help me?"

She pulled her hands off him and stopped comforting him. He'd hurt her feelings. Again. She was not used to his short temper yet and she always took it personally. "I read the binder like you said and I think we are ok." She said, her voice breaking like always when he made her cry.

"I am sorry. I am not mad at you. I am frustrated." He admitted, thinking he could never be angry or cross with her.

She pushed him off her lap. "Have I not accomplished everything you have asked me to accomplish?"

"Yes, Julia. I'm sorry."

If he had a dollar for every time he had apologized to this girl over the course of a month, he'd be a rich man in a poor world. She had to be tired of hearing it. She was as frustrated as he, but she never let it out and never criticized or lashed out at him.

Normally so accepting and..."Tell me what to do." She said, taking his hands in hers. "Please. I do not like to see you cry."

He leaned back in his seat and wiped salty tears from his red face. "I would like you to find me someone who will call me a pussy and tell me to suck it up. Can you find that person?" He was being smart and laughed a bit, telling himself the words he needed to hear.

"Oh, sure." She answered. "I will not say those things, because I feel like you are the strongest man I know and I love you." She smiled as she slid off the desk to her feet.

"Awe, baby. I love you, too." He smiled, because she was easy to love, so easy to love. "Where you going?"

"To find the person." She left his office, pulling her hood over her head.

He wondered whether she was serious or just fucking with him. He could never tell. He wondered who she would send.

It did not take her a long time to find said person. She located him with his brothers in the caf as they looked over books on how to install solar panels. "Tavin." She called, stepping in the open doorway.

"Awe, fuck little red. What's he want now?"

"Oh, this is going to be fun. I think you will enjoy this."

Tavin grinned ear to ear. "The possibilities are endless, little Red."

"I think you will be perfect for this. Of all the souls living or dead, no one will appreciate this more than you." She announced from the doorway. She stuffed her gloved hands into her hoodie pocket and fidgeted awkwardly. "I am waiting."

"Get your mind out of the gutter." Alex chided him.

"Dairy queen." Jay muttered. He avoided looking at Julia as he looked over his book. He avoided her period. He couldn't stand her voice or the sight of her. Through no fault of her own, every time Jay looked at her, listened to her, his brain shut down, reminiscent of the girl he had wanted to shoot a month before. Every time he thought of her, he regretted ever having done that. He never wanted to get to that point in his head again. The funny part was, the part he kept to himself, is he didn't want to die that night. He only wanted to kill her for every fucked up thing she ever said or ever did. She was crazy if she ever thought he'd walk away from his family with her. That night, a perfect storm cumulated in his head and it ended with her on the opposite end of his gun. Again. He felt like shit. He felt horrible. He only apologized a hundred times to only one he could apologize to and she still was not convinced his mental state was stable. The girl carried weapons with her everywhere and even told him she regretted not having them on her that night or she would have shot him herself. It was the most ballsy thing she had said to him

"A man can hope." He said, nudging Alex and ignoring Jay as he rose. He met her in the doorway and the brothers watched as they spoke back and forth a moment.

She sent Tavin on his way and then joined them at the caf table. She plopped next to Jay and decided to try to heal a wound between them.

She smiled as she looked at the book. She smelled good. Just like her. Juicy couture. It had never been his favorite scent, too perfumy for his taste, but it still reminded him of her. He always preferred Happy on her clothes, her body. He always bought that scent for her birthday. Perfume, Jay thought, was more for him to appreciate than for her to appreciate and Happy drove him nuts. The very situation in the caf sent his memory back to high school and sitting next to a red haired girl with open books while they did homework over a quick meal.

"How's Jess?" She asked, knowing she hadn't bounced back from the departure either. She had thought Jess and Jay would be able to work through that together.

"Ask her." Jay replied. He'd given Jesslyn up as well. If he was dumping one girl, dammit he was dumping all of them. He let her go, let her try to find someone else or get over it on her own. Someone like Mayers who wanted to get to know her. He had a long wait for the princess and Jess would bide some time, but Jess had no interest in him at the moment. They both waited day to day for her to return.

"Ok, so what do you need? I can help you with this. Maybe we can figure it out?"

"Is Hilda making the turkeys?" Jay asked, closing the book. He didn't want her help. He had noticed across the room the set up for the meal. Julia's table settings, decorations, her creativity shined.

"Oh, Jay, yes. Thank you so much. I appreciate it." She oozed excitement over the birds he bagged. "I think it's so miserable right now and if we could all sit down and have a dinner and be like a family, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad."

"You aren't part of our family." Jay said. "You think you can take her place?"

"No. I didn't mean-Jayson, I know I am not- I thought it would be nice. I'm trying, Jay."

"That's all you two ever do. Try." He criticized.

"I'm sorry she left you, Jayson."

"You could quit apologizing for her."

"Ok. I will quit apologizing. I'm a constant reminder. Is there anything I can do?"

"Disappear." Jay replied coldly.

She fought back more tears and as each day passed she felt more and more like the black sheep. She felt she had done nothing to deserve it. She tried, that much was true. If anyone needed anything, she found it. If anyone needed help, she gave it. She worked tirelessly from the time Chess woke her at 4am everyday till she collapsed at night. Through the caf from the outside courtyard, the odor of cooking food wafted inside. The turkeys. Hilda was working hard. Trudy was assisting.

She was spent. She was sad, but put on a brave face and carried on, moving away from Jayson and out the door to the next group of people who would insult her in someone else's name. She hoisted Tarin off Kelly's lap and carried him around with her awhile to give her a break. Here, in this fortress, she had learned about Kelly and she had gained a new friend. They were gradually getting to know one another, but Kell always looked at her with some level of suspicion every time she and Tavin had a conversation or stood near each other. God forbid she caught Tavin looking her way, he would pay for that. Julia fell harder for Chess Morgan every day and Kelly swore she was one foot in bed with Tavin when she clearly had no interest in the Keller brother.

Julia had only scratched the surface of getting to know these people despite Chess having divulged to her every last detail of their past. He droned on for hours about a stalker-rapist-murderer named Caleb Downing and the back story that had Jay pointing a gun at her sissy's head that night a month ago. It was too much to bear, listening to it all. No wonder she was so fucked up and she had issues beyond some zombie world. When she had said she got off easy with a bite and a vax, she hadn't been kidding. Julia wouldn't want to walk a mile in her worn shoes. Philly was only the icing on the Julia Morgan cake.

"Hilda, how can I help? Anything I can do? I want you to enjoy it too."

"I want you to eat, miss Julia. That's all." She replied. The boys had accomplished a brick layered stove for her, a hearth outside in the courtyard similar to that of a pizza brick oven. Their turkeys roasted and it smelled delicious.

"Hey, you." He couldn't even say her name most days. Jayson tracked her as she wandered through the courtyard and tried unlatching the gate to get to the dorms. He unlatched it for her. "Julia, I apologize for saying those things to you. It's your face."

"Jay, I understand, but I didn't hurt you." She said softly as he held the gate for her. "I didn't hurt you." She repeated. "Please remember that."

"I'll try." He sighed. "Where ya heading?" He asked as she switched Tarin from one arm to the other.

"To round up the troops to eat, Jay. Listen, you all sit and eat and please enjoy it."

Julia carried on and called everyone to eat from the bottom floor of the dorms. She walked with the crowd and instead of joining everyone, she climbed up to the war room with Tarin and sat in Chess's chair at his desk. She spun the chair and propped her feet on another chair while she stared at the sky and enjoyed the company of the only living soul who could not complain about her or to her, Tarin Keller. He didn't need anything from her other than unconditional love. He was warm and cuddly and smelled so good. When he fussed, she changed him and mixed him a bottle of formula from the supplies that she had on the shelf in the bedroom/war room. They called it the war room, but the truth be known it was their bedroom. No meetings took place there and no one ever visited unless Chess requested it. Even then they were not allowed to cross to the bedroom, which he'd sectioned off with accordion dividers. Why they slept so far away from everyone else was also a mystery.

"Julia,"

She had been startled by his voice as she and Tarin dozed off in Chess's chair. "Hmm, yes. I'm awake."

"No one said you couldn't sleep. What are you doing up here?"

"Hanging out with my favorite Keller." She replied, spinning the chair toward him.

Chess broke into a smile. Her favorite Keller was 5 months old.  He thanked the heavens and stars above for that one comment. It made his day, his year, his life. I gotta wife this girl...he thought as he looked at her in his seat. He went to her, kissed her forehead. A breath of fresh air in a rotten world.

"You are not eating?" He asked curiously. The damn turkeys. He listened to her for two weeks straight talk about birds they didn't have. One more item he had to add to the list of demands and it pleased her to have them. His mind drifted back to telling her the news that Jay had bagged the birds. She was so very grateful that night and when she asked him, 'what would you like me to do?' as she lay him back on their bed, he answered and she indulged, giving him a slice of heaven in the midst of hell.

This whole Thanksgiving meal had been her idea. She planned it out and had spent a portion of the morning making the little area of the caf look festive and fun. When she had said she was a crafter and had taken classes, she had not lied. She had the whole spread set out in the corner of the caf. In her spare time, had made name cards for each place setting. She and Chess had taken a trip to the local neighborhood and she went through other people's stuff to get the supplies that she needed to make that damn table of hers look as homey and holiday specific as possible. She even had a special kid's setting for Tia and Catherine.

"No." She answered. "Bring me something later, please."

"Julia, the whole place looks nicer than any holiday I ever had. I want you to come and have dinner."

"No." She replied. He opened his mouth to say speak, but she continued. "Go and enjoy it with your family."

"My family?" He asked. "You are part of my family."

"I am no one's family here." She said as she let the tears fall from her eyes. She dripped onto the baby's cheek and she wiped it away with her sleeve.

"You don't isolate and hide. What is wrong?"

"Everything and nothing, Chess. I'm trying so hard. I'm trying to do everything, but I am not good enough. I can't help you or Jayson-"

"Jayson? What's Jay got to do with this? What did he say now?" Chess asked. He was growing tired of Jay's mouth. He was unfair and he had spoken to him a couple times. He had Tavin talk with him a couple times. He couldn't keep taking his pain out on Julia Fry. Julia Fry hadn't done a damn thing wrong and through all the smart ass comments she still tried to make every single person happy.

"He apologized."

"Again? What did he say?"

"That I am not part of this family and that I will never be her."

"Bring you and your favorite Keller to the dinner table now." He demanded.

She stood up next to Chess. She looked up at him with sad eyes. "But I understand, Chess. It has to be hard to see me and hear me. Maybe if I ugly myself up some or maybe if I cut off my hair?"

"You do not need to change one sweet thing about you." Chess said as he put an arm over her shoulder. "You gotta stick up for yourself, Julia. Don't let anyone tread on you."

"Ok." She sniffled a bit as he wiped the tears off her moist face.

"You planned this. It's your meal, too, Julia."

"It's the only thing I know how to plan from the looks of it."

"Hey, you go on ahead. I'll be a minute."

"Yes, Chess."

Chess stayed behind his desk and he looked at the binder that sat held the plan for Phase I and the beginning of Phase II. It is written. Follow the plan. Chess felt something inside him stir that he hadn't felt since she walked off the campus a month ago. Anger. He had let Jayson suck him into a depression right alongside him. Jody was right, she'll eventually return. Until then...fuck your plan. He scooped up the binder and the notebook that held the rough draft of phase II and he stomped out of the war room and on down three very tedious flights of stairs to the main floor. He held the books in his hands and he walked through the main floor to the caf.

"My table. Outside in the courtyard now." He had spoken and all hell would break loose if they didn't follow. He stomped to the oven that Hilda had used to cook the birds...the fucking birds...and he waited as the table filed outside and saw him standing there angry and a shade of red that would rival that of Julia's.

Jody, Tavin, Ray and Jay stood looking at him. Alex lurked in the background, being nosy.

"Come out, Alex." He said as he opened the oven door.

Alex crept outside and stood between his brothers. None of them were surprised when he tossed the binder and the notebook inside. "Fuck this plan." Jody stared at the oven, the smoke that puffed out of the chimney. He felt like Chess threw his future in there. "Chess, that's not the infantry and the protocols is it?"

"No. Only phase one and two." He answered. "I like the protocols and the infantry plans." Jay had made more of the protocol plan than Julia had and he and Jody had worked on the infantry plan in their spare time.

 "Jay." Chess was unsure about the course he was about to take. "You know I love you like my brother, right?"

"Yeah. So do I." He answered.

"And I talked to you a couple times and so has Tavin."

"Chess, not here, not now." Tavin said to him.

"I apologized. Chess, you don't understand."

Chess's hands moved faster than he thought they would as he snatched his closest friend-cousin-brother by his shirt. He felt he had to move quick. He knew his brother would get involved. His fist connected to Jayson's face without even a warning. "Do you understand that?" He asked as Jay stumbled backward. Chess moved with him. He hit him again and then a third time. "One more fucking word and I will smash your scull on the ground and break it into a million little pieces. Quit fucking with my girl."

"Fuck, Chess." He winced. Chess had quite a strong punch and he didn't hit him back or even try to because he felt like he deserved it.

Tavin's hands caught him before the fourth hit connected to Jay's body and he threw him back into Jody and Ray.

"She ain't your girlfriend, our girlfriend or my wife. We don't fight about her and we never will, but the girl in there at that fucking table, I will. Don't disrespect her again." Chess shook himself free from Jody and Ray. Jay was alive and bloodied, but he wasn't mad. "Damn it, Jay, why'd you make me do that?" He asked, flexing and extending his fingers on his right hand. His knuckles hurt. Jay sat up and true to form, he started crying.

"Awe, Jay, man, don't fuckin cry." Tavin groaned, pulling his brother off the ground. "Jay, man, she's not worth crying over."

Chess felt more like a bully at that moment than a man sticking up for his girlfriend who couldn't stick up for herself.

"What happened?" Julia asked, stepping outside after Chess. She saw Jay as she approached. "Chess, why would you do this to him?"

"We do this at all our family dinners." Jay replied, still sitting on the ground. "I'm fine. Leave me go." Tavin left him go as he steadied himself. He started walking toward the caf. "We eating or what?"

"But you're bleeding. Don't bleed all over my table."

The meal came off without a hitch. Had it not been so glaringly obvious that they were in a cafeteria, the overall mood would have reminded him of the farmhouse on its most tense day. The elephant in the room was Jayson's lumpy face as he sat on the bench sulking.

"That wasn't necessary." Tavin said.

"I decide what's necessary." Chess stated over his turkey, which tasted so perfectly smoked. He complimented Hilda and thanked her, which was ineffective at changing the subject.

"Don't put your hands on my brother again." Tavin said as he looked at the cut on Jay's cheek. He debated stitching it.

"Boys," Sandy hissed.

"Sucker punched him over some bullshit that you two shoulda handled years ago."

"Not about that anything that happened years ago." Jay responded dryly.

"Are you next? If we're going there..." Chess asked impatiently.

Julia watched the exchange and felt embarrassed. They were speaking of her, but not speaking of her. Julia wasn't there to defend herself or offer any words in her own defense.

"Try me, Chess. I won't wind up looking like that." Tavin pointed at Jayson with a fork.

"Stop it." Julia said softly.

"Yeah, stop it." Kelly added, nudging Tavin.

"She's hanging like dark cloud over this whole place. You kids need to move on." Karen said, spooning mashed potatoes in her mouth. Julia thought that was the wisest thing Karen ever uttered. "Should have a long time ago. I can't believe she's that big of a damn deal."

"Everything is going to be ok. We're doing what we're supposed to be doing and we're right on track." Julia said quietly to Chess. She had only been trying to convince Chess to follow the binder, read the plan and carry it out.

"On track to what? Where we going and why are we here?" Julia, too asked from her seat next to Alex.

"How would you know?" Chess asked her, ignoring Julia, too. "I'm not being smart, Julia, but how do you know that?"

"Cause it was written in the binder you just burned up." She replied, motioning to the courtyard. "In fact we're ahead of schedule. If you think about it, we're a year ahead of schedule."

"You don't understand." Chess shook his head.

"Explain it to me."

"You explain it, Julia." Chess mumbled.

"I-uh-um, I just said that..."

"Speak. Why do you do this? You say something and you sound so sure, then you get all tongue tied when someone actually wants to hear your voice."

"Well, honestly, um, nothing is going to get done unless you plan on going out and hunting down some more live human beings-"

"Which I wanted to do from the outset..." Jody interjected. "Which we need to do before the nests overtake the countryside. Julia wanted to form an alliance and then things moved slow and you all took a different direction."

"A different direction? We're here aren't we?"

"Yeah, but your personal got in the way of getting anything done. If I may speak freely, it still is."

"I am doing the best I can." Julia frowned, tearing up one more time.

"I didn't say you were not. You are not in the way." Jody said. "When me and you visited this place the first time, you had the ideas and you had the enthusiasm. I believe you still do. It's them, not you."

"Jody,"

"She asked me where my loyalties lie before she walked out and left us here. She left us with the one who is supposed to be here."

"Jody, she doesn't know much. She hasn't gone through it."

"Neither have I. I watched it, but I didn't participate. All I did was get some training in infantry and go through hell over the river, which she led me through. The morale is lower than when we were at war. And war sucks."

"There's a war over the river." Sandy stated, pushing her plate away. "Which river? The Susquehanna?"

"The Delaware." Jody replied dryly.

"What should we do then, Mayers?"

"Without offending anyone?"

"Speak." Chess sighed. "Don't hold back."

"These women need to start pulling their weight." He replied. "You need to stop running around doing everything for them." He told Julia flat out. "They don't make life easier, they are using you and you are letting them."

"I told her that." Chess agreed.

"I have too." Alex added.

"We need to get into the community and find like minded individuals." Julia said, taking Jody's lead.

"And bring them in?"

"No." Julia replied before Jody could. "No. No." She shook her head. "We need to trust these people before we let anyone come in here, but we should meet on some common ground and-"

"How? There's no communication."

Julia muted at that point because she didn't know, but Jody did. "I can take care of it." He said confidently.

Chess looked at Jody. He was skeptical as was he till Tavin spoke up. "May be a good idea to start up a clinic too. If we're going to war with the dead, then we're going to need healthy people."

"Yes, that's where I can help. I have been reading up on the protocol book that she left here. I think that there are going to be extra people."

"Extra people." Chess repeated.

"Sure. Like I was. Alone in a house living on canned goods. Yes. Established groups need to absorb these extra people. Get them safe and get them strong again."

Jayson looked at Chess. "We have room." He said through a swollen eye. "We go get all the Julia's out of their houses and we give them a chance. There's small packs of people out there struggling along to survive and here we are with left overs, Chess."

"I am not against it, Jay. You think it'll work?"

"We can try. Get this year and make it right. Get everyone ready. Get ready for the winter. It's going to be a long winter without you guys."

"This winter-"

"Next winter. Maybe the one after that. It's up to mama nature." Julia explained this so simply like she knew what she was talking about, but her idea was generally well accepted. She rose from her seat and she started collecting the dirty dishes and utensils and loaded them in a cart. She leaned and whispered in Kay's ear as she passed her by and Kay got up and slipped into the kitchen. She had Tia and Cass accompany her and she head into the kitchen with her companions. Each returned to the table with a pie, the girls balancing them carefully in their small hands. She set one at the head of the table, the middle and the far end.

"Are these apple?" Chess smiled.

"Yes." Kay replied. "Apple crumb. The girls helped me make them." She cut a slice and handed one to Jayson first. "The dough roller helped with the crusts." She blushed as she glanced at Jayson. Once at the fortress and out of her Amish attire, she looked much like any other female at the table. As Tavin had said on her second day there, she cleaned up well, having jumped from the very covered and traditional to the modern covered and cold. She felt normal in clothes and less like she was wearing a costume. She missed her farm and her land, but she couldn't handle being alone there. They absorbed her animals and her tools and the belongings she had there and picked the place clean. Had she and Chess taken a different route together, they could have lived there without a doubt. She was 100% safe, but she wouldn't make it on her own with her sister. As the days and weeks had passed on the farm, she found it increasingly difficult to keep up with the daily routine on her own and tend to Catherine.

Once dinner was done and the family cleared out, the kids rode around on tricycles and roller blades in the empty cafeteria. They'd moved all the tables aside and cleared the area for that purpose. Outside some days the weather didn't permit the normal child's play. Having them confined to a closed area seemed the sensible way to go. Eventually when it warmed up, they'd all move into the courtyard to play. Jayson had plans for the courtyard. Already enclosed, they'd be penned in and unable to wander far. Not that they were necessarily in danger, but one incident and it wouldn't be pretty. Chess had put all new safety protocols and drills in place, having a new bug out plan just in case. It never hurt to have a plan B.

"This pie is great, Kay." Jay said, eating his second slice and the last one that was left.

"Thanks. I had a lot of help." She smiled, moving a little closer to him. "Your face is messed up." She said softly.

"It's ok. I'll be alright. We do that from time to time."

"Really. That's how you guys handle things?"

"Uh, sometimes. The last time I think I was strangling him in his kitchen at home."

"Why?"

"It was about a girl." He answered. "Always about a girl."

"Speaking of girls." She turned to the rollerblader going in circles with Tia on a bike with training wheels. "Cass, let's go get ready for bed."

"Yes, T. It's time."

"Only cause we're tired. Not because they are." She laughed.

They let the girls walk ahead of them toward the dorms and followed as they entered the rear entrance and bolted up the steps to the second floor. "Jay." Kay said, walking ahead of him.

"Huh, yeah?"

"Would you like some company?" She asked as he held the door to the second floor open.

"I got T. Why?" He asked, stepping in behind her and following her to their room, which was across from his own.

"I meant we could put the girls in together and we could keep each other company."

Jay felt like his head was about to explode off the top of his body and Kay was looking for company, which sounded like a good idea, but in the back of his mind he believed she would come back and he wouldn't hurt her by picking up with some other girl. The random girl maybe, not one that he liked on a personal level and not one he could develop an attachment to and he learned his lesson with Stef.

"No." Jay shook his head.

"No?" She asked him. "Ok." She hadn't expected a negative response and he had been about the sweetest and most approachable of any guy she had ever met before and during the apocalypse. She thought he was feeling similar. She felt the attraction and she hadn't had a friend since Ohio. "Is it too soon?"

"Yes." Yes, that was it. He agreed with her enthusiastically. "I'm still thinking about her and, yes, it is too soon."

It takes more than a month...Jay felt like he was aching inside as he gathered up his sister from running through the hall and guided her into the dorm room. Pajamas and a story or two later, Tia fell asleep on the bed across from him and he sat awake by the window, listening to the iPod. One headlight...he could understand the similarities, but at the end of the day he felt that was a clue to where she had gone and Jay swore it had something to do with the song. He initially thought his girl had gone home, so once everyone had cleared out of the farmhouse and the move was complete, he had gone back there. He'd left her belongings there on purpose. They'd left supplies on purpose for her. Nothing had been touched or moved. He swore he knew her and when she had said it was a big world and she could go anywhere she chose, he swore it would be home to Caroline, to the memories and the ghosts. When nothing had been touched or moved, he began to worry and he had been worrying since that day a week after she had departed.

"The county line bridge..." Jay said aloud. "All is good and nothingness is dead..." One particular line from one particular song. He zipped back and listened again. "It's just her window ledge." He whispered. Jay felt like a light bulb switched on above his head. "She went home." He sighed, thinking back to the only place the girl ever called home. A place she never wanted to leave to begin with. He turned the iPod off, feeling some sense of relief. What would she find there? What was there for her now? Did she expect to find some peace of mind? Jay looked across the courtyard and up a level or two and he spied the dim light that cast shadows on the wall of the war room.

He listened to his brother and Kelly argue one more time. The more he listened to those two go around with each other, he wondered why they even stayed together. Did it really work in zombie world? Did it really even matter? The walls weren't as thin as the walls at the farmhouse, but voices echoed through the empty halls of the dorm. He wasn't deaf and neither was anyone else. Kelly was paranoid. For someone so psychic, why was she so concerned? The one time that she actually had his brother all to herself, she doubted him. She pulled the past out into the present and crucified him for it. It wasn't often he interfered and he never would intentionally say that was what he was doing, but he went anyway. If not for his own ears, than for his brother's ears.

He knocked on the door and when Kelly opened it, he didn't know what to say at first. "Motrin." Was all he could come up with. He did have a headache. He did have a bruised and swollen eye. Was there Motrin for the bruised and swollen ego? "My vision is blurry, too." Jay added for flavor. Jay gave him an out and when he followed half dressed and simmering mad, Jay turned left into his dorm room.

"Your head?"

"Is fine. It was getting loud again." He replied, crawling into the bed next to Tia, who took up most of the space on the mattress.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Good, I got my own problems. iPod is on the sill." 

"I know the music you listen to and-"

"It's Julia's music, Tavin."  Jay corrected him. He and Julia never shared similar musical tastes. His brother and Julia, on the other hand, did just that. They shared a lot of similar interests.

"You miss her, Jay. It's ok to miss the girl."

Jay muted himself and wrapped up with the only girl that loved him. His favorite girl, the girl he made his life miserable for. This girl had him from day one rearranging his life. His sister. "I got a girl." Jay said, swiping Tia's hair out of his face. "She's warm and happy and she doesn't treat me like shit and I don't treat her like shit either."

"The baby." Tavin laughed, plugging the ear buds in his ears.

"Yeah, the baby. I'm gonna stick with her."

She wasn't exactly shy. She spent nights in dim light with him and she seemed for all intents and purposes, comfortable with him in the nude. She still blushed at his touch. She still occasionally covered after sex and that had to do with the ambient temperature of the room. He'd seen to it that the old kerosene heater was full at all times and it was his only goal some days to keep the ever cold ever warm enough to keep that body bare. Short of installing a wood stove in their war room-bedroom, he had the heater on. He would perspire and she would be comfortable.

Their holiday meal and the fucking turkeys had paid off in more ways than one. As they had gone through several of the houses in the nearest neighborhood in search of crafts for this dinner table, Chess wandered and cleared out the stuff he wanted. A couple items in particular caught his attention and he put them in his pack as opposed to a bin for the group to pick through.

"Lay on the bed." He instructed her. When would sex cross from instruction to indulgence? Although guiding her was quite satisfying, he decided to let her guide herself for once. She had told him she enjoyed touching herself and she was fairly expert in flying solo. Much like the other, she could orgasm on command and with very little work on his part. For that he was thankful, but there was a multitude of sins she had not explored. She lay on the bed nude, that orange patch of hair between her legs neat and trimmed as he saw fit.

He opened a drawer on their bedside table and he stood over her. He had no idea how much battery life was left in the thing, but when he had turned the dial at the bottom of the toy it had vibrated in his hand. He had no idea who it belonged to and he didn't care. He brought it home in his bag and he scrubbed the hell out of it till it and others till they looked brand new. Whoever lived in that crafty fucking house sure had a keen eye for sexual aids. Chess placed it in her delicate hand, the silicone phallic shaped possibly 6 inch vibrator. He guestimated as the thing was smaller than what he carried around in his pants on a daily basis. She thought she knew her body, but she thought wrong. "Pleasure yourself." Julia studied the vibrator and she felt slightly strange.

"What am I supposed to do with it?"

"Whatever you like." He answered as he moved to the end of the bed and sat in a chair. He propped up his feet and he took a drink of water and he waited while she felt it and bent it in her hands. "I would start by turning it on." He suggested. "There's a dial speed on the bottom if you turn it."

He sat and enjoyed the view. At first she was awkward with the device, never having held one or used one. She confessed that as she giggled a bit and went straight between her legs with the thing. She talked away her nerves and once it started to feel good, she shut up and she left herself get comfortable and soon it was like he wasn't there at all.

"Do you like that, Miss?" He asked as she trembled and shook from the power of one single double A battery.

"I prefer you." She answered. He believed that though as her body calmed and she moved the bright purple vibrator over her very wet patch of trimmed orange hair.

"Again." He said.

"I do like it a lot."

"You like it. Do it again."

"It's small." She observed as she arched her back. Short arms could barely reach with the vibrator to stroke in and out of her.

"I am large."  Chess rose and took her left hand and placed it between her legs. "Try that, Miss." He suggested. "Two hands." He smiled. "For when mine are not available." He sat beside her on the bed and he watched as she reached her pleasure, her face as she came. He placed his mouth over her nipple, sucking softly as she cried out another orgasm provided by her very own hands. "When I am away, this is how you will play, Julia." His tongue crossed her chest to the opposite nipple and he sucked her while she continued to cry out below him. "Do you hear me, Miss?"

"Yes, Chess." She answered.

"I will leave you. I will be gone for some time. This is how you will be pleased and you will think about me while you do it. Do you understand me, Julia?"

"Yes, Chess."

"In our bed, in our place, you will crave, Julia. You will wait, Julia. Will you wait for me?"

"Yes, Chess." She turned her body toward him. "Please, Chess. Make love to me."

"No." He answered, sliding off the bed and back to his chair. He propped his feet up again and took another drink of water. "Do it again. Start all over. Get off your back." He demanded. "Show me how you will do this when I am away. Learn your body and how to please it like I would."

"But Chess." She whined, switching to her knees to face him.

"Again, Miss. Play with your toy."

Julia pleasured herself on her knees in front of him, her eyes locking to Chess's then her eyes watching as he rubbed himself with his hand over his sweats. He lowered the waistline, taking himself out in front of her, his length long and firm off his body in his hand. He momentarily thought of Ben. How Ben had enjoyed looking at his dick while sat nude with him. How Ben would please him with his mouth before turning him and fucking him.

"Julia, get that good and wet please." He said, rising from his seat.

"It is." She told him. She looked down over her body to the bed, the round wet spot that had grown between her open legs.

"I never told you what I like." He said as he moved to the foot end of the bed. He let the sweats fall to the floor and he decided to test the waters with her. She trusted him, it was time for him to trust her. She scooted closer to him.

"Please, tell me. I would like to know." She smiled.

Uh, you probably don't. Was a month in too soon for this? He asked himself.

"Tell me, please." She asked as he took her hand and he held the vibrator, still on a mild vibrate setting to his balls. He turned the dial and turned it off.

"It feels really good." He told her. "I love it." He admitted. "And it would please me."

"Hmm, ok."

"Use that on me." He said, holding her waist against his.

"How?"

Ugh...he didn't wanna explain it. He didn't want to explain another thing to her. "Julia Fry." He groaned. He swallowed his desire for his wife. His unpleasant whore of a wife. "Fuck me with it." Plain, clear and concise English.

"You'd like for me to fuck you." She smiled as she moved her toy over his belly to his chest. She poked him with it.

"Yeah."

She drew the toy over his chest to his chin and to her surprise, he dipped his mouth over the purple, lifeless vibrator and he throated the thing like he would Ben's dick. Ben was smaller than the vibe, but she got the idea as he tongued and sucked her moisture off it.

"Say please." She grinned, moving off the bed to her feet. "Oh, Chess, please say please."

"I don't know about that, Julia."

"Would you like me to fuck you with my toy or not? Say please." She poked him with her vibrator.

"Please, woman." He rolled his eyes as she moved behind him. She kissed his shoulder and drew over his flesh the vibrator to the base of his spine.

"This game can be played two ways. Cause that's what this is." She turned the dial and she put the vibrator on low speed as she separated his cute little butt cheeks. She held it in place. "You've bent me over, Chess, and had me. So I may do the same."

"Yes, Julia."

He felt her lips on his skin, moving lower and lower as she got to her knees. She worked him first with her fingers and then her mouth, which he hadn't asked her to do. She came up with that on her own.

"Julia," He moaned as he took himself in his hand and stroked himself.

"Say please, Chess."

He felt the vibrator turn off and he felt her pressing it into him. "Julia-"

"It's a game. I play. You play." She reminded him as she worked it inside slowly like he would for her. As she had learned, it was a delicate and tight area. She heard him as she pleased him and he enjoyed himself at her hands.

"A little faster, Julia. Please." She did as he asked and she felt as he worked his hand on himself. He could feel her rise behind him as her hand moved the vibrator. She dialed it on, vibrating and fucking him and as she never let go of it, she reached around him and placed her left hand over his as he pleasured himself. "Your mouth. Your mouth." He said as his hand moved faster over his length. Chess took hold of her toy and held it in place and she moved in front of him, bending and taking him in her mouth. His hand held her hair and her head in place and he put his full length down her throat and came. If only to allow her to breathe, he released his grip on her head. She stayed over him and sucking him as he liked her to do, looking up at him with big blue-green eyes.

"Did I do it right, Chess?" She asked as she pulled off.

"Sure. Yeah. Never did that before." Truth be known he hadn't ever let a girl anywhere near his ass let alone fuck him.

"Never? How did you know you like it then?"

"I have done that before, but not-" Shut up, Chester Morgan...he caught himself. She shot him a most confused look. "I'm bi, Julia."

"Bi as in sexual?" She asked.

"There any other way to be bi?" He asked her, removing the vibrator carefully and stepping behind the divider.

"I suppose, no." She called. "You have made love to boys?" She asked, staying put, allowing him to clean himself unseen.

"Not boys. Eww, that sounds wrong. One guy. Well, if I were to be honest, two sexually and one other, no penetration though." She peeked around the divider at him. "I prefer pussy. I mean, I love pussy. If I had a choice, pussy."

"So what do you like about...you know." She asked.

"You know? Just say it."

"Guys?"

"Why do you like it when my dick is inside you?" He asked, leaning to her. He kissed her forehead. He wrapped up and dried off her clean vibrator in a towel.

"It feels good."

"Exactly." He shrugged, setting it aside. He took another rag and wrung it out over the basin. He knelt in front of her and cleaned her. She moved with him and for him as she was used to this ritual. He set the rag back in the basin and reached for a towel to dry her. "Ask your questions. I know you have them." He said as he patted her dry between her legs.

"I have never been with another man, and-"

"And you will never be with another man." He finished her sentence and then quickly kissed the triangle of hair between her legs. 

"Yes, Chess. I understand. You made that clear. But will you? Will you ever want another man?"

"Perhaps. We'll talk before it becomes an issue."

"Another woman?"

"Perhaps. We'll talk before it becomes an issue."

"But I may not?"

"No." He answered. "I will give you all the love and attention and hard dick you need. If you want it, it will be yours. I make that promise to you."

"Another female?"

Chess rolled his eyes. "We'll see. Under controlled circumstances, maybe." He allowed that much. "Another man, however. I will beat your ass raw and shoot him dead. Do you understand this?"

"Of course. I will not want the company of another male. I have told you that."

"Other males may want your company, little one."

"I could state the same of you." She giggled as he led her around the divider to the bed. He set her on the end and he reached for her cami. "Chess, I would like to make love."

"You would, huh?" He asked.

"I would. Like the other night when you turned the lights low and went slow and kind. I enjoyed that a lot."

"You have become a very horny girl."

"I am a girl in love, Chess." She giggled again. "I don't think I ever came like that. It felt so awesome."

"It's because I know your spot and I tease that spot on purpose."

"It works."

"It works here and here." He smiled, poking her head and her chest over her heart. "The pussy feels, but the brain and the heart, they connect very strong emotions."

"Strong, I agree. How do I connect here and here..." She poked him back. "To create such strong emotions."

"You have." He answered, wedging between her semi-parted knees. He draped his arms around her waist and he kissed her belly. "You do all the little things to make this shitty place special for me. You, Miss, are the flowers on this grave I call home." He kissed her belly again, then leaned back on his heels. He took her hands in his and interlaced their fingers. He waited to feel it and he only felt heat on the palms of his hands. A small spark pinched each palm and he held her hands gently in his before leaving go.

"You shocked me." She said, smiling as the goose bumps erupted on her flesh.

"It was the other way around." He reached for her cami and stretched it over her head, then smoothed it over her slight curves. He reached for the tee shirt and applied the next layer. He held panties for her and she stepped inside them, then a pair of extra small sweats. She stood and he pulled them up for her. He pulled on his own sweats and then got the weed bag from his desk. He normally didn't smoke inside the room, usually she would complain, but he went to the window that overlooked the dorms and he opened it. "Come sit and smoke with me." He called.

"I don't smoke, Chess."

"Come sit and smoke, I said, then we'll talk some more." She rounded the divider and hoisted herself onto the sill. He held the joint and she inhaled. He told her to do it again and then a third time. "Enough. Go to our bed. I'll be right there."

"I'll change the blanket." She said as she left him.

"No. I like your smell. Fetch water bottles for us." The dry mouth was a bitch.

"K." She hummed. He heard her moving and he watched her silhouette through the divider as her movements slowed and she stood still.

"Feeling high."

"Yes."

He put the joint out in his ash tray and he went to her, physically moving her small body to the mattress. True to form, her body was numb and her brain was open and worry free. He sat her down and he started the talk about the universe. He had a feeling she'd understand because she was not a stupid girl and all the talk about connecting the feelings between head and heart indicated she was ready or he was ready or both. Jules had given her a glimpse of it when she showed her what her night vision looked like. She had it inside her somewhere, he knew it when she had sparked him the first morning at the farmhouse and he knew it when she cried for him while he spoke when they made love the other night. She wasn't there yet, but she was open enough to pry inside a little bit more. He needed to hear her story. He needed to know what shaped her, molded her into the girl she was, precisely what made her tick. It could take anywhere from a moment to a day to a month, depending on her trust. She said she trusted, but did she know the true meaning of the word? Was she a ride or die or just a girl to bide the time till the wife came back? He had a deep feeling he knew the answer already. He wouldn't be sitting across from her otherwise.

Jody crossed the courtyard and left himself into the dorm. The whole area was dark and he couldn't believe he had spent the entire day on the outside of the fence and then somehow made it back in the dark of night. There were pockets of dead, some a hundred thick that were currently rampaging the countryside. He drove through them, around them and occasionally he had to drive over them. Park and run...he hadn't run in ages. He used to do laps. He used to endure it as a punishment, never enjoying it. It had kept him fit and he had no idea of what fitness was anymore.

That rag tag group of deviants had pushed him out into the night, into the pitch dark and closed their doors on him. No newcomers, which made perfect sense. No one trusted anyone anymore. Jody didn't have a flair for words and he didn't have the desire to make the fuss and convince. Joining forces with other bands of survivors and fighting off the dead, exterminating the nests was a necessary evil. Who wouldn't be interested in that? Who wouldn't want to work toward a free zone where people could walk freely and live without fear of being slaughtered by monsters. Perhaps people were scared? Perhaps people were overwhelmed by just getting by and had no extra energy or motivation. Perhaps they could not see the end result. He tried to convince them. He had lived the end result, but couldn't explain it that way. He would have sounded crazy. He'd been in front of three separate groups of people who had no desire to allow him to step on their strongholds let alone discuss any alliance of living souls. His last stop had been the nursing home where they had scored the meds for Ray. Daniel had been ousted and the two men that he and Julia had encountered in the street had taken over that group. They had heard Julia's words and had made the move to make the alliance, but when they did not get a response, they had abandoned that notion. Their enthusiasm had dwindled and they went back to living day to day trying to survive and stay warm and fed like everyone else. The two men had told him to leave and return with the red head. They had heard her clearly when she said she didn't send her men out in the field to do her dirty work or to speak for her. Julia represented herself and her interests.

Jody climbed tiredly to the second floor and walked the length of the hall to his dorm room, the very same dorm room that he had inhabited during his couple years in the junior infantry. He could look across the courtyard from his window and look clearly into the second floor of the main building. He lingered by the window a moment, thinking back to Tia. He could stand in that window and he would watch her fine body move around with those male cousins of hers. She didn't know about that. He'd never told her. He used to stand in that window and watch as she crossed the walkway with Leo at night and make out in the dark. He knew then that getting involved with the princess wasn't smart, but Leo didn't seem to mind the risk. He didn't mind the risk when it was presented to him, that invitation to enter the main house. 

"Jody." He heard the whisper and it scared him from his memories, the room returning to dark and the dorm quiet behind him.

"Yeah." He answered as Kay stood in his doorway. "What's up? Everything ok?"

"Yes." She replied.

He looked at her, a shadow of a girl in the door way. Well, what do you want? He asked himself. "What's up then?" He asked, because this girl never gave him a second thought. A nice girl. Another girl who made eyes for Jay like Julia Fry had before her. Julia Fry...he needed Julia Fry first thing in the morning. He'd make the girl stop running around for the others and take her out with him to the streets, to that old nursing home and she'd talk for her predecessor and she better say the right thing. "Kay, what?" He asked, sounding a little too short.

"I wanted to know how you made out today."

"I didn't." He replied, sitting on his bed. He unlaced the boots and kicked them off.

He had replied the truth. He needed Morgan. The one group who would have considered forming an alliance waited for Morgan. Not Mayers. He knew it was getting dark when he went there and he knew that the shit would hit the fan if he lingered there any length of time and then when they told him where to go, he went through a special kind of hell getting back to the school and then an even worse hell getting back inside. No one manned the gates. No one stood guard. No one was willing to stand outside that long in the cold and do it let alone be willing to open the gate with nests on the ground chasing him. He had to ditch the car and run to the hatch, then get inside the hatch and then close the hatch before the zoms caught him. How he managed to do it was a mystery and thankfully the headlights lit his path and he had limited time to make it across that field before they turned out all on their own. Somehow he had made it. If those lights had turned off before he made it to the hatch he would have been done for. He'd still be running and when they caught him he would have been killed. If he had to, he could have climbed and risked getting cut up on the barbed wire or hung there till dawn. That would have made for a long night.

"Are you alright then?"

"Yes." He answered, laying back on his bed. "You need something?" He could have been more pleasant, but to what end? He had just spent the first night of possibly many running for his life. He'd collapsed into a heap when he got into the dark tunnel. He hadn't run that fast since New Jersey. Kay was quiet. "You wanna come in or not?" He asked, sounding more grumpy than he should.

"I heard the gun shots." She said, standing next to the bed. "Was that you?"

"That was me." He replied, taking her hand. He pulled her down on the bed and laid her down. "Were you scared?"

"Kinda. Were you?"

"No," He lied as he rolled from his back on top of the girl. He didn't ask as he tugged down the fleece pajama bottoms and panties. She didn't say anything either as he made himself welcome between her legs. She opened them, which he took as an invitation. "You done this before." He thought he'd ask just in case. One never knew with girls from this side of the apocalypse.  Her response determined his actions. He pushed his jeans over his hips.

"At home, yes, before..."

Before what, he didn't care and he didn't need her to elaborate for him. It was the last thing he needed or wanted to hear. He received an affirmative and he went in on 'yes', which took her by surprise. A slight gasp, breathing in heavy and she adjusted as he moved his hips between her legs. His arms slipped around her waist, holding her still when he got close. Her hands gripped his shoulders tight and he wondered for a fleeting moment whether she had lied to him about doing this before. If she had, she did infrequently. Kay had no idea what to do other than lay beneath him with her legs open. He felt himself about to come and he moved faster and harder inside her as he held her waist still.

"Ow, Jo. It hurts." She complained. But at that moment of complaint, he pulled out and came between her legs. He thought back to the days when his sex was as simple and easy as remembering what day it was on T's calendar.

"Thanks, Kay." He said, pulling his pants back up. He'd only pushed them past his ass and it was freezing cold in the dorm.

"Uh, sure, Jo." She answered. She sounded disappointed, but he honestly could have cared less.

"Come back sometime, if you want." He handed her clothes back to her, the soft and fuzzy fleece of the pajama bottoms reminded him of the feel of stuffed animals. He sent the girl on her way half nude and pulled blankets over him.

First thing in the morning he was up and out. The sun was barely in the sky. He had the best night's sleep he had in weeks despite the cold. He head outside, cutting across the courtyard to the main building where he climbed three flights of stairs to the war room. He knocked on the door and he waited an unending amount of time before he knocked louder. His growing impatience bothered him more than anyone else.

"Hey," Julia smiled, opening the door for him. "What's up, Jody?"

"I need you." He said simply, looking over the girl who looked fresh and warm layered in clothes and a hoodie and gloves. She had obviously been getting ready to start her morning and he caught her at the right time. Unfortunately, he caught Chess right alongside of her. He wished for Morgan. She made her own decisions. This one, Jody had to go through her representative. Chess was way too overprotective and smothering of her.

"What's up, Jo? Rough night?"

"You could say that." He replied, looking toward the window. He crossed the room and looked out the window behind the desk and meeting table. The nests had abandoned the fence and the car. The car sat askew in the road none the worse for wear.

"You led the nests here, Jody."

"Not on purpose. It's ugly out there after dark."

"Heard the gun shots. You alright?"

"I can run fast, Chess." He replied. He paused and thought before approaching the subject of taking the queen off the premises. "I want Julia to head out with me." Jody announced, turning from the window. He looked left and peeked behind the divider. Only a bed and a table with a lamp on it. Nothing special. The divider kept anyone from seeing into the room through the door. A modicum of privacy. He gave Chess a run down of what he had found on the street. The places he had been and the people he had met.

"No." Chess answered.

"These guys have a large compound that clearly outnumbers ours. They have the strongest people and the-"

"No." He repeated.

"They wanna speak with the red haired leader. Not me."

Chess glanced at Julia as she leaned against the wall and listened. "She's not the red haired leader."

"They want the red head and I have one that looks and sounds just like her."

"Yeah, I will go. I will do what I can." The thought of leaving the premises and going into the streets to find people excited her. They needed people. She wanted to help.

"No." Chess laughed. "You do not have one."

"I would protect her just like Morgan. You know that." Jody tried to explain this to him. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. "We've been out before." He added only he didn't care when he wasn't emotionally attached to the girl.

"I can protect myself." She said, trying to break into this conversation about her.

Chess semi growled as Julia looked too excited by the doorway. "Take Jayson."

"If we can't use Morgan, we should use her. They can think alike."

"No." Chess replied.

"You gotta see the similarities when she gets fired up about something." Jody stressed this point in the past and he still felt strongly that Fry and Morgan were interchangeable. Jody felt that with some experience, they could be one in the same. It needed to start somewhere, so why not right then and there? Julia Fry had no bad attitude and Chess wanted to keep it that way, but Jody saw things differently. He had seen the bigger picture form day one on the flipside. "I can keep her safe."

"Not about safe."

"Is it a personal thing?" He asked. "I don't want her any more than I wanted Morgan." He pretended to scoff at the idea although he and Julia had shared a drunken night and some fun times at the farm house, that never went anywhere. And if he hadn't backed off when Chess had asked him to, it would be him and queenie running the dorm halls not him and queenie in the war room. Chess looked skeptically at him. "It ain't me you need to trust, Chess."

"You don't trust me? Why?" Julia asked curiously. "With Jody?"

"With anyone." Jody added.

"But why? I haven't done...it's because of her. Darn it, Chess. I am not her." She looked hurt and the tears...the damn tears again.

He pointed at her. "That. You can't do that. Quit crying."

"Quit crying? I am so mad right now. It's always a Julia slept with someone else thing, so you'll never trust me because of she had half of Maverick."

"No, she didn't." Jody shook his head. He looked pissed, but quieted down. "I'm out. I'll find Jayson."

"No, I wanna go, Jody." She cried.

"Well?" He looked at Chess. "Are you her dad, too?"

"Fuck you, Jo."

Jody looked to Julia. "She would never ask his or anyone else's permission to go anywhere. She didn't cry when someone told her no. She got mad and said fuck off, then did whatever she chose to do. She wasn't scared of anything. She had balls, Julia. Do you got any?"

"Um, I -"

"Um, what?" Jody asked. "Julia, what are you here for? A boyfriend?" She looked nervously from Jody to Chess and back to the floor. Her hands fidgeted in her hoodie pocket. "You can do both." She didn't answer. "I was wrong about you and so was she. Fuck." Jody left the war room and slammed the door behind him.

Mad was not the appropriate word for his mood. As he stood outside in the courtyard in what would be the place that had the most influence over the course of his life, he felt daunted. The future was right there in front of them and none of them were willing to reach out and take it. They were still in the mind set of the farmhouse only at a different location. At the rate they were going, they'd make out better going back there for the winter and then ramping the move up again for the spring and the planting season. The planting season, which he dreaded. No one even knew how to accomplish that. No one understood the undertaking that went along with the feeding of a group this size or larger. They were grossly unprepared for fall and winter let alone spring. He built a fire in the stove and he built a fire in the can across from it. Then he hovered near it and warmed his hands. As the morning progressed, his admirer from the night before brought her sister to the caf and then deposited her there with a breakfast plate. She approached him once Catherine was settled.

"Jody,"

"You seen Jayson?" He asked before she got into some conversation about the night before. Seeing her in the morning light by the fire made him horny again. Bundled in her jacket and beanie cap, she looked pretty in a plain way.

"He's running." She answered.

Jody walked away from her without another word and he rounded the dorms to the lawn that over looked the empty field. He spied Jay moving along the field toward the tree line and he thought about heading out there after him. His legs still ached in the thighs from last night's run and his abs still ached from last night's fuck. His arms were sort of sore as well from moving the girl when appropriate and then holding the girl still. As he watched Jay run, he looked over to his left and saw her approaching. She had a purpose and she handed him off a cup of something hot. When he tasted it, the warm chocolate flavor coated his mouth.

"Jody, did you eat yet?" She asked, sipping from her cup too.

"Nah, not yet. I thought about it."

"Wanna come with me, eat with me I mean?"

"No." He replied without hesitation.

"Oh, well, ok. Uh, enjoy your hot chocolate then." She frowned. She looked disappointed. He didn't particularly care about her feelings though. He didn't care about much lately. Having Morgan walk out on this project disturbed him. Although Julia tried her best, it wasn't the same. "What's wrong, Jody?"

"Uh, just a lot on my mind is all."

"You said we need to start pulling our weight around here, so-"

"Just keep doing what you did last night and that's all the weight you need to pull."

"Oh, I was thinking something different."

He handed her the empty cup and he took off at a slow pace to catch up with the runner, which had him moving faster than he wanted at that hour of the morning. Keeping up with Forrest was no small feat. Since they'd arrived to the fortress, Jay had taken up running again. Nothing to kill, Jo...he had said. Since Julia had left, he was all nerves and miserable. Morgan had always said Jay ran for the mental not the physical.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Jay asked as Jody fell in alongside him.

"Not really."

"Builds stamina and strength."

Jody disagreed. He had both without running around in circles. He much preferred lifting and sparring to this early morning nonsense.

"Could you slow the fuck down, Jayson?" He asked.

"I did." Jay replied. "Lucky I am even speaking. I don't like being bothered on my run."

"Yeah, I know. I need Morgan. Where the fuck is she?" He asked, feeling the muscles in his legs tense up beneath him. He had a feeling he'd pay for this run in the coming days.

"Don't know, Jo. You saw her last, let her walk out. Where did she say she was going?"

"She didn't." Jo answered. "She'll be back though. I would like her sooner than later."

"What do you want her for? The alliance shit?"

"Yes, Jay, the alliance shit."

"Take the other one." Jay said. "She's in there."

"He won't let me."

"Won't permit her is more like it."

"Come with me to talk with them. They don't like my approach much."

"Take her." Jay pointed across the field where Julia Fry stood next to Kay chatting. When she saw Jody and Jay, she waved her pink gloved hand at them. She gave Jody a thumbs up and her body language said it all as she was visibly excited in her Goth boots instead of her Uggs. She lifted her worn hoodie and showed him her belt, wiggling her small hips. "Fuck. Why she doing that to me?"

"She's waving, Jay." Jody answered.

"She's wiggling like that. She's-"

"Excited."

"Exactly." Jay raised his voice. "She used to wiggle like that when-" His voice trailed off somewhere in his memory. "Ugh, this is torture. Get her out of my sight."

"She is just like her only she doesn't know it yet?" Jody assumed as Julia turned from them and spoke with Kay.

"Awe, look at that cute ass."

"What ass? Jay, there is no ass."

"Oh, yes there is. It's small and round and-one hand can lift her up. Light as a feather. Always has been. And tastes like gold, if gold had a taste, then that is what she tastes like. And so juicy and-"

"Jay," Jody halted his oral dissertation on Julia Morgan.

"You don't know. You don't know." Jay mumbled.

"I do. Different girl is all. She tasted like berries. You know, almost fruity. An amazing pussy. And a fat ass, wide hips...hips and legs for days. But the tits, Jay, handfuls of titties and she smelled like fucking roses. She had skin as soft-"

"Are we talking about my sister?"

"I am." He nodded. "You know who runs a close second?" He asked Jay as they started the walk back across the field. "Your mom. She has a shitty personality, but the body, the tits, the hair, that smile, Jayson."

"My mom." Jay repeated. "You wanna bang mommy."

"I would, Jay. If she was to oblige me. I would. I would wreck that. She fine, Jayson. Think you're the only one with a type."

Jay and Jody jogged off toward the girls and met up with Tavin on the inside of the courtyard. "Yo, Keller, ride out with us." Jody invited the brother along.

"Is that ok, Jay?" He asked.

"Yeah, go. I'll grab dad and work on the solar."

"Get it working. We're cold and dark." Tavin told him as he and Jody head out with Julia toward the front gate.

Steven Miller eyed her strangely whereas his cohort, Andrew last name unknown looked on her suspiciously. Tall and lanky, Steven appeared comfortable with her across from him. An easy smile and relaxed. He was at least 6 foot tall, layered as everyone else for the cold. Flannel beneath a leather coat, heavy jeans and boots. A beanie cap on his head and gloves on his hands. He had a thick brown beard and if times were different he would look like a hippie on a commune as opposed to a survivor on a wintry campus of barren trees and bushes.

"You nervous?" Steven asked her, watching her body shake. Her hands were trembling.

"No. I'm cold." She shivered in the early December cold. There were not enough layers or gloves or scarves or hats for her. She longed for summer warmth. She used to say winter was her favorite season until she was outside in the winter. Shivers and chills shot through her small frame.

"That is not Elena Gilbert." Andrew sounded accusing.

Julia looked at Jody quizzically. "Never said I was." Unsure what the hell this man even meant. He stood stiff alongside his cohort, Steven, hand on the butt end of the pistol. She replied the truth. She had no idea who Elena was.

"You can come in." Steven invited her, but only her as he wasn't familiar with her male friends.

"I cannot. Thank you. Not alone."

"You could invite us over your place." Andrew suggested.

"Look. I do not play games like this. You may, but I do not." She smirked, stepping back to her spot between Tavin and Jody. "Let's go. These are not the right people. We will find others." Julia said as she turned away from them.

"You are not the same girl from the street." Steven told her.

"You wanted the red head, we brought you the red head."

"That's not the right red head." Steven shook his head. "Not the one we saw anyway. She was here a couple weeks ago."

"What?" Tavin asked, stepping closer to the wrought iron gate that separated them. "Why?"

"Percocet." He answered.

"They do look real similar, but they are not the same girl." Andrew added. "Wanted percs."

"Percocet." Tavin repeated, feeling his stomach drop.

"Yeah, did I stutter?"

Tavin hopped the gate and infiltrated the personal space of these two so called leaders, grabbing the one by his shirt and disarming him in the same movement. A gun was then aimed at Andrew's head. He nearly pulled the trigger until he heard Julia screaming at him from the car.

"Tavin, no. What is wrong with you?" She screamed as she flung the car door open.

"Where did she go?" Tavin asked, applying a finger on the trigger.

Jody hopped the gate next and aimed at Steven who had yet to draw a weapon. He never intended on drawing a weapon on any of them. They were clearly outnumbered and he had people on the roof behind him just for this purpose.

"Tav, brother, this is not the way to make friends, man." Jo said sternly. This was not the best way to form any alliances.

"Whose side are you fuckin on, Jo?" He asked. He looked back to Andrew. "You, explain."

"Elena has a habit, Tav." Jody reminded him.

"We traded. Just like last time."

"Traded what for what?"

"Rum for percs. But she was wounded. Spent a couple days here. She got better and she left. Said she would be back when it was time. That girl ain't her." Steven explained. "Wanna put the gun down?"

"Where did she go? How was she wounded? What-"

"She's your leader, you should know." Andrew snapped at him as Tavin started to lower the gun, then trained the weapon again on his smart mouth. 

"You're gonna get us shot, Tav. Put the gun down." Julia yelled as she fidgeted with the gate latch. Once she got it open, she left herself inside and approached these fools on the grass. She reached her hand up to Tavin's and he felt the shock on his K by his thumb. He ignored it. "How is anyone supposed to trust anyone like this? You fools wanna die here today like this? To have made it this far to die here like this?" She wasn't angry and she didn't raise her voice. She was calm and soft spoken. "Please." She said, moving his raised arm to his side.

"Might not be her, but you sound like her."

"I'm sorry. This isn't what I wanted." She said quietly hand on Tavin's forearm, sending soothing energy to him.

"She didn't say where she was going. She was in pain, had her arm wrapped. She was sliced pretty good across her fingers."

"Two weeks ago?"

"Yeah. Gave her a couple days worth of percs, too." Steven looked at his friend. "Hey, he can be a dick."

"So can he obviously." Julia answered.

"What is your name? Unless you're Elena, too."

"Julia Fry." She smiled, extending her hand.

"Steven Miller. Nice to meet ya. If y'all wanna come in, be my guest." He said, taking her small hand in his. He looked at Tavin. "I'll show you around, Julia. What do you guys want with us?"

"Oh, to kill off the dead that are walking the streets."

"We already do that." He said as he took her arm. Julia allowed this and he escorted her through the grounds to the door. He led Julia Fry and explored their humble home. They'd certainly fortified it. All their first floor windows were covered with thick siding they'd pulled off local housing and they insulated well between the windows and the siding. Miller explained that this blocked the light and any noise from the inside making its way outside.

Miller had ideas that surpassed his predecessor's. Daniel was an opportunistic leader and he had the building when the lot of them arrived. It had originally been a small group holed up inside the walls. Over the course of months, their stronghold grew. As they added on, Daniel wasn't looking too far into the future. When he and Andrew had followed Julia, Tavin and Jody that afternoon of the med run, these two had wished to leave and possibly join their group, not stalk and rob as originally thought. Julia Morgan had taken their pursuit the wrong way. She had spoken with them at gun point and had said some very simple things, yet meaningful, especially to Miller. He had a more long term vision. He'd been out longer and had seen first hand the nests, the normal zoms that inhabited their streets, homes and alleys. He'd holed up in some shady spots and met some characters, some crazier than others. He had fought and survived and he had fought and lost people too. He had tired of it. He had wanted more, to reclaim the area like Julia Morgan had said while she visited.

He led them to their door and knocked three times. The normal doors had been covered in metal and welded together, then a smaller entrance had been cut for entrance. He stepped inside and the three followed suit. The work that had been done on this building to fortify it was overwhelming, but they had the extra hands, both male and female to accomplish the job. While one team had been out ripping the shells off the local houses, one or two teams were at the facility insulating and covering. The insulation kept the cold out and the heat in during the fall and winter. During the summer it would keep the heat out and hold the cold inside. Miller had gotten creative. Since he'd been face to face with the destructive nests, he knew to fortify the building. Second floor was left alone for the most part. Women, children and infirm went upstairs and life was fairly normal up there. The first floor was reserved for supplies, the men who were not attached to the women and those with issues as Miller said. Issues could be anything from a cough to an addiction. Miller didn't turn anyone away, rather he had a system for segregating certain individuals from other certain individuals. The old home housed not only people who were off the street during the plague, but those that lived there before the plague hit. Anyone who was alive in that old folks home or whoever worked there was kept inside and safe from the outside elements, both from mother nature and from its living and dead parasites unless they chose to leave. Miller had a very simple view on life and those who lived it. As her very own group of people had allowed her inside their farmhouse as well as Kay and Catherine, those that were inhabiting the school when they arrived to clear the courtyard, Miller had the same idea going there on his land and in his building. He was inclusive not exclusive. When Julia showed up looking for Percocet, he helped rather than turned away. Jody, he remembered from the street with Elena. Jody had a place to go, so he was sent back home rather than allowed inside.

Miller had the lights on. He had the heat on. Tavin and Jody were jealous, but they also had a clock ticking. "Gotta go out further and further to find fuel for the generator. Soon, there won't be any left. Soon we won't have the luxury." He sounded disappointed and said he had alternatives in the works.

"How about solar?" Julia asked.

"In the works. Got a couple men on it, but wiring the place and finding the battery back up is difficult. It's a big place. May look small outside, but it's not."

"Similar to ours. We have someone working on solar as well. We should be up and running by the end of the week."

"How do you keep the lights on?"

"We don't. We have our candles and our lamps, but we are dark. Also the heat is rationed. Only on the coldest of nights do we run the generator. We have no choice. It's two buildings. We're trying to reserve the energy for the tools. For the important stuff. We have things we need to accomplish and if we run the generator and waste our fuel, then we got nothing left."

Tavin and Jody listened as the two walked through the building and chatted. Julia may have led a behind the scenes existence, but she knew everything and anything that they had going on in the fortress. She may not have sat at the table, but the girl had obviously been listening, overhearing or having Chess explain things to her.

"I hear ya." Miller said, escorting her through the long hallway to the fire exit. "This is the biggest thing we have done yet." He sounded proud of their work as he opened the door into an enclosed yard with fencing and animals. They had limited shelter for the animals as well as limited animals.

"We could help you out with the animals I think." Julia said as she walked the yard.

"Hard finding anything alive out there, Julia."

Julia looked at Jody and Tavin who stood in the doorway with Steven. "What can we spare? We have more than enough."

"I don't do the animals. Dad does."

"You got your parents with you." Steven stated.

"Yeah, my whole family." Tavin added.

"No strangers?"

"A few that we have taken in. Not many though. We all came up together. Grew up together. I got my brothers and sister. My girl and my son. We're all related somehow."

"You're lucky. We got each other, but our families..." His voice trailed off, thinking there were a lot of broken families. "Why'd Elena split?" He asked. "She's a cool girl."

"She chose to leave." Jody stated.

"And you, Julia. Are you Elena's sister or something?"

"Sister." She answered, entering the building as Miller held the door open for her. "Thank you."

"You are a hell of a lot more polite than your sister. She was here two days and got in two fights. She cusses like a man. She plays a good hand of poker. She is a strong woman, but trust is not a word she is familiar with."

"I know that. She has her reasons."

"Habits, he said. She didn't come in here with any habit. She wasn't strung out." He directed that to Jody. "She was in pain."

"I don't understand why she wouldn't come home then." Jody shook his head, thinking Morgan was hurt and in pain somewhere.

"You'd need to ask her that." Miller suggested. He pulled the door firmly shut and then led them back through the halls to their kitchen, which they had half demolished, then rebuilt to make a solid cooking structure that was safe for wood burning. No gas, no electric. They weren't cooking outside. No one wanted to go outside. They completely half assed remodeled the facility's entire kitchen to allow for a less modern form of meal prep. They all ate in a common dining area on the first floor and those that couldn't handle the stairs to come down to eat, they carted meals up on a dumbwaiter. An antiquated system that was already in place but in need of repair as they moved in the building.

"What about medical?"

"What about it? The building came with an old nurse and she was a patient here. Her brain's not all there, but she can bandage a wound and it takes time to get her to focus on a physical. She's a nice old woman, but she's demented. We over work her sometimes. What we would do without her is a mystery."

"Um, you should have someone shadow her and learn hands on." Julia offered.

"That's what Elena said. We had Elena look at some of our kids. She was a bad ass nurse."

"Thanks." Tavin smiled. "She is."

"You must be the medic then? She talked about the medic. Were you the one she broke up with or was that you?" He asked Jody.

"Um, my brother." Tavin answered.

"She misses him." Miller volunteered. "Anyway, sanitation is down here."

"How do you know all this?"

"I spent two days with her. She talks a lot, especially when she mixes rum with the percs. I offered to take her in, especially after she saw the kids. She was great with our kids, then what she did with the horde. That alone, she should have some medal for. If we still did medals."

"She drop another nest?"

"That's what she called it. She's a great shot. Had this awesome weapon."

"What kind of weapon? Automatic rifle like weapon?" Jody asked.

"Yeah. Whoosh-whoosh." Miller grinned, mimicking Julia Morgan's mannerism as he described the sound the gun made. "Wanna see it?"

"Yes, I do." Jody nodded. "Please."

On the way to the sanitation area, which was a fancy word for bathrooms, Miller stepped inside an office and pointed at a rifle hanging on the wall. Jody stared at it.

"She take that with her, Jody? Think she had it stashed?"

"No, all the weapons were at the farmhouse. She didn't even have her belt on the nest clearing."

"She jump again?"

Jody shrugged his response. He had no idea, but the woman who walked out of that compound was not the Morgan he had grown to know and love. It was psycho Morgan, the one he dreaded coming in contact with. He'd still respect her and he'd still listen to her, but he was not a fan of psycho's mood swings and poor attitude. "She was different that morning. Maybe during the night?"

"Maybe when she switched off with me? She jumped me. She put me in the dorm and went in with her husband. The night Jay wanted to shoot her."

"You people have issues." Miller said, leading them away from the office space and out yet another fire exit. He was not as excited about the sanitation. He believed the Johnny on the spots were too close to the building, but they had no choice. No one was willing to walk too far out to use a bathroom. Plus this area was not enclosed or secured. At night they had alternative measures for bathroom use. He turned left at sanitation and led them along the side of the building to the laundry and water system. Large bins, one to wash and one to rinse. Clothes lines. Also, large containers for water catchment. It was screened over to keep out the elements and beneath both tubs an enclosed heating system that kept the water in a liquid form. He explained it was filtered or purified or boiled before eating or drinking. Bathing and dishes and laundry, there was no need for filtration. Being that this was a facility, it had come stocked with a variety of things, including soap and hygiene products, which were used sparingly. There was very little waste nowadays as there was little to no chance of replacing the waste. Call it thrifty or call it sensible, it was simply the truth.

"Where ya from, Miller?"

"Delco. It's near the Delaware line. As the plague hit, we were pushed further and further outta Philly area. Any area that was congested, urban was either evac'd or burned or overrun. It is not safe the further east you go. Any major city is a dead zone."

"So, animals and what else?"

"Weapons and ammo."

"No." Julia and Jody both replied simultaneously. Chess would not have that. "Anything else?"

"Medical." He suggested, looking at Tavin.

"What kind of medical exactly? You'd have to show me."

"No. You don't go up. I'll make a list of needs and when we come to get the animals, I will give it to you." He stated as fact as opposed to a suggestion.

"Sounds fine with me." Julia agreed. "When?"

"Hey, shouldn't you ask Chess about this, Julia?" Jody asked.

"I am his representative."

"Medical is one thing, but treating them is another." Tavin said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "You will need someone for that."

"Yeah, you can. The list will be the problems and you can help solve them. What do you need?"

"Nothing." Julia replied calmly. "Do you know of any others? Are there other places like this and ours? We'd need to speak with them as well."

"Don't expect the same response. I accepted you because of Elena. What's her real name anyway?"

Tavin smirked, "Ask her next time you see her."

"Aye, got it." He nodded. He took Julia again by the arm and led her out the way they came, through halls to the heavy and welded door. Tavin and Jody followed her out. "Hey, Julia Fry." He called as she stepped outside. "You wanna tell me where you live?"

Tav lit a cigarette once on the outside. He handed off one to Jody, then Steven looked at the pack. Tavin rolled his eyes. "Here." He handed over a smoke and then another for later or whenever he chose to light up.

Julia stood aside from them talking with Miller and she told him where they lived. She had her fingers crossed as she told him that they would be alright from this. He trusted Elena Gilbert and he seemed trusting of Julia Fry. Where Andrew had gone, they were not sure as they left and climbed into the car to leave.

"Julia, Chess gonna be cool with this?"

"I don't know." She shrugged.

"You gonna be in trouble, Miss?" Tavin laughed as he drove off the roadside.

"I'll do what I do and make him happy. How do you think I got out today?"

"How did you?" Tavin was curious, opening the thermos and taking a sip of water.

"I can't say." She answered, applying the seat belt taut across her chest. "But I did and that's all that matters."

Chess was pissed. "What are we getting in return?" He asked her. Julia looked at Tavin and Jody. "Julia?" He hung his head in his hands. "Julia, you giving away our shit and get nothing in return."

"Not quite." She answered. "He was nice and he needed stuff."

"People will be nice when they need stuff." Chess shook his head in his hands.

"But they are so much more organized than we are. They have heat, Chess."

"So. We will, too. We have the generators on and we-Julia, what else did you hand the guy?"

"Um, Tavin Keller." She pointed across the table. "Chess, this is how it starts, a give and take. It's a-"

"Give, babe. We're giving and-"

"We can spare it. She was right."

"What's his name again?"

"Miller."

"Jay killed Miller." Chess said.

"One Miller. This one's name is Steven."

"Like the Steve Miller band?" He laughed. "Seriously, Elena Gilbert."

"I am not Elena Gilbert. Who is Elena Gilbert? I don't know who Steven Miller's band is either."

"The Joker. Fly Like An Eagle. Steve Miller." Chess rolled his eyes as these two legendary songs fell on deaf ears.

Jay chuckled as he listened to them go back and forth. "Vampire diaries." He said under his breath. "Not a fan, Jules?"

"No. I didn't have time for silly vampire soap operas."

"Interfered with craft classes, babe?"

"I was too busy trying not to die of a staph infection to care about your trivial TV shows." She snapped at him. She stood up. "Quit making fun of me." She said angrily. "Gosh, I feel like I am back in high school in this stupid cafeteria with these fluorescent lights and boys picking on me."

"Julia, chill. We're kidding."

"Is this how you picked on her? Is it? Cause I am taking it seriously. I am trying." She looked at Jay. "Trying is all we do, right Jayson?"

"Don't drag me into this. I wasn't involved."

"Me and you should have gone-you're the one that wrote the protocol book with her-these two with their damn guns." She complained. "Jay would not have raised a weapon on our new friends. And you know what?"

"What? Please tell us, Julia." Chess asked her as she tried to find the right words to explain herself and her generosity.

"I felt bad. Had to give something, because solutions do not involve fire arms. Can't go around saying you wanna be friends and pull guns out. It's not nice."

"Nice." Chess repeated. "Julia, you can give peace a chance and we'll cover you when it doesn't work."

"Oh, let's form a unity against the dead while we pull weapons on one another." They stared at her as she fidgeted in front of them. Freezing cold..."We should decide right here and now who speaks for this group when it comes to peace. And also who speaks for this group when it comes to...what's the opposite of peace?"

"Conflict." Jay replied. "Those who serve peace and those who serve conflict. Although through peaceful efforts we can prevent or resolve conflict."

"Oh my fucking God. Jay, that's-"

"Awesome." Julia smiled down the table at him. "Tell me more." She sat back down.

"Huh? I was just guessing at what you meant. Act like I never listened to you speak before. I have heard it all outta your mouth from peace to conflict. Both are necessary, but the point is made with a gun...or a knife to the throat of-"

"Eww, no, no, no." She giggled. "Wrong direction, Keller."

"Oh, well...uh...kill em with kindness, then." He grinned, relaxing for the first time in the same room with her.

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

"Alright, Gandhi. My religion is based on truth and non-violence. Truth is my God. Non-violence is the means of realizing Him."

"Nobody can hurt me without my permission."

"That was always her favorite Gandhi quote."

"Mine too." Julia smiled.

Chess laughed at the both of them. "Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet. That was another of her favorites. So it can go either way. We can play either side of the coin."

"Heads or tails." Tavin said.

Julia shrugged. "On this, I don't get a feeling that it's a coin toss."

"We should prepare for both."

"We are prepared for both." Jody said.

"Where else did you go today on this goodwill mission."

Tavin answered. "The Mexicans at the school. That's where Miller sent us. Observed. They're a mess."

"May wanna absorb them." Julia said. "If they want, of course. Didn't go in."

"Where else did Miller send you, Julia?"

"Um, he mentioned a couple places. One was over run and the group was absorbed by the dead, not the living. We found another nest. The other was abandoned and the place was shredded."

"Ok."

"There's a couple places in Maverick and one in Oaks. When we were on the street, we found a couple living who were heading that direction."

"Didn't wish to absorb them."

"I was not feeling absorbent." Julia replied, looking at Jody. "They were rather unfriendly."

"Nomadic." Jody described them differently. "Solitary."

"A lot of people will be. It's not gonna be easy."

"We are not desperate. We're getting by, surviving. We have things and we still have some semblance of a life. What motivates them will be desperation and lack of the basic needs in life."

"Can it get worse out there?"

"Yes." The three all agreed on that. "The nests, Chess, will be the driving force. The motivating factor. There are those that can survive and there are ways of surviving obviously. Those that have nothing. Those that are tired of running. Those people will be the ones to rise." Julia surmised. "I think that they are the people we need. They are the people we need to absorb. Having alliances with the other strongholds is fine, well and good, but those who are at the end of the fight and still hold on...that's who we need. We need to offer a safe haven. All of us do."

"Where are they? How do you do that without any kind of communications? There's no message boards for this."

"Yes, there can be." Jay said, drumming the table with his fingers. "We need to have message boards and places to meet. Ann is one of them. Churches. Old community centers."

"Make signs and hang them and we will go to Ann, to the churches three days a week and if anyone's there, then we do the right thing."

"Who? Us?"

"Who the fuck else? Are you serious about this or not? We should decide that before we move any further." Jay sounded insistent.

"I do, but here is risky."

"Miller has a system. He segregates on purpose."

"Family from stranger or?"

"There is no family as far as I know. We are family, but they are not. Mostly strangers." She looked at Jay as she said it, including herself in that statement. She wondered if it bothered him to hear her include herself in the family. It had prior.

"We will work it out." Jay said. "If that's the direction we are heading. Is it?" Jay paused. "We should decide now and we should all agree on the direction we are heading. If we aren't agreeing then we need to talk about it more."

"Can we live here and be as self sufficient as the farm and not give a fuck about what is out there?" Chess asked. He was on the fence with this course they were taking. Their original intent was never to form a community and make a better life for everyone left on the planet. Their intention had always been a simple and easy life. What Jayson and Julia and Jody were proposing was neither simple nor easy. It benefitted all of humanity. It would rest on their shoulders and the shoulders of those in a similar situation. Could they do it and not fail? He had been informed of the end result and was that a result he truly wanted? Was the result worth it? He could sense a desire for a day where they could leave the gates open and nothing with bared teeth would walk through and bite. He looked forward to a day when no one had to look over their shoulder or around each corner with a gun or knife in hand and ready to do harm to a living soul or the fading remnant of one. He lacked at the table his motivating force. Do the right thing. Who was he to say what the right thing was? Who was he and the rest who sat around him to draw the line in the proverbial sand and say no more or to say this belongs to me.

"Yes." Tavin answered.

"Why would you want that for us?" Jody asked. "It is selfish."

"It is self preservation, Mayers."

"Easy for you to say when your family sits beside you and you have a pretty girl to lay next to every night. The rest of us. I still have family out there in the middle of it right now. Morgan is in it."

"Why is it up to me, Jody?"

"You sit there and not here. That is why. Do you want it or not? I can do it. You do whatever you gotta do here and I can do this. I want to. I have from day one. Getting you people on board is like a damn full time job."

"We don't agree on this. We never have."

"I want my life back. Mine. Here. I do not want to live behind a fence all the days of the rest of my life. Why would you?"

"I can go out any time I want, Jody. So can the rest of you. I am not holding you prisoner here."

"Anyone who can't fire a weapon, run or wield a knife can not leave the premises. Is that fair to us?"

"I don't place those restrictions on anyone though. If someone wants to leave, Jody, I have no right to say yes or no.  It's not up to me."

"It's not?" Julia asked.

"No, Julia. It's not."

"Oh, so I can just get up and pack a bag and leave and no one would say anything if I chose that."

"No. If that was what you wanted."

"That's a fucking lie and you know it." Jody accused him.

"No, it is not." He argued. "If you all wanna walk through those gates and walk away, it's not my choice. It's not smart, and I would tell you all that, but it is not up to me where you live or go."

"Kay-"

"I invited Kay and Catherine. We all tabled this. She made the decision."

"A child."

"Yeah, a child who had to grow up real fast like the rest of us did."

"Hector, Hilda, Trudy, Damon, Mia and Julio."

"Can all walk away. You all can walk away and if that's what was gonna happen then I would walk away. I do not need the fence to stay alive."

"Why are we here then?" Julia whispered.

"I am not the bad guy here. There is no bad guy. It's just all of us in a different situation."

"Who put you in charge?"

"You fools did."

"She did.

"You did, Chess." Jay answered. "Anyone here could do it. You wanted to."

"Have at it, Jay."

"I don't want it."

"Tavin."

"Nah, man, fuck that."

"Well, you have to." Chess shrugged. "Best of luck. I'm gonna stick to weed, tobacco and nailing my girlfriend."

"Chess, no." Julia whispered, tugging on his sleeve.

"Oh, in case you didn't know, boss. They're cold." Chess reminded him. He looked to Julia. "Let me go." He yanked his arm from her and got up.

"Yo, Chess. It's all of us. Not you. You know that. We divide this shit up like we always do and it all gets done." Jay said unconvincingly.

"Fucking divide it." He yelled.

"Jo." Tavin groaned. "All yours."

He shook his head. "It's a lot of work. If I had to, but I don't know what to do."

"Why the fuck do you think I do?" Chess yelled. He turned in the caf doorway. "You all bring this bullshit to me like I know what the fuck I am doing."

"Chess, you do." Julia assured him.

"No, all I can do is shoot a gun and kill shit."

"That's not true." Julia said softly, turning on the seat toward him.

"How would you know?" He asked. "You have known us for what? 2 or 3 months? So you don't know."

"Here we go." Jay said under his breath.

"I know what I have seen so far. You're scared."

"No, I am not scared."

"You don't even know what you're scared of." She accused him. "You may not be scared of shooting things till they're dead, but the living scare you. They have needs you might not be able to deal with and you feel bad for it. It's normal."

"Huh?" He laughed.

"Happens to me all the time. It's why I cry every night. It's why you were crying on Thanksgiving. I know how bad you feel. Like there's not enough time in a day and you can only do so much and they keep wanting more from you. It's a lot of pressure, Chess."

"You are seriously doing this right now, Julia?" He asked, reddening from embarrassment and anger at the same time.

"They know you, right? Can't you let them help? Maybe if you talk about it-"

"Jules, hey. It's cool, just let him go." Tavin said, snapping fingers at her to get her attention. "I know you're trying to help, but stop it."

"K, yeah. You're right. Sorry." She said, sitting back on her seat. "Um, should I come with you or- I don't know. I'm sorry." She watched Chess move out of the doorway and slip into the building. "I- he's very emotional." She whispered.

"Chess? Emotional?" Tavin asked.

She nodded. "Oh, I screwed that up. Didn't I?"

"The words Chess and emotional do not belong in the same sentence. Julia," Tavin shook his head. "That was more private than public. More private than table."

"Since when does anyone's private matter in this place?" She asked.

"True, but I think she pegged the problem." Jay answered. "Can we close this shit? It's depressing and for once I am not depressed."

"You're not?" Tavin asked sarcastically.

"No, I'm not. One day a month I'm chill."

"One day a year you might be chill." Tavin laughed. 

"Today's the day. Wanna smoke? Anyone?"

"Who's in charge?" Jody asked them as meeting closed before any issue was resolved.

"Us." Tavin answered. "He'll come around."

"I will do it." Julia announced loudly. She stood up and she turned to face the three who were goofing off behind her near the exit door. "I will."

"That's the spirit, Red." Tavin smiled warmly as she wandered off in the direction Chess had gone. "Don't know what the rush is. They act like this mess is gonna change or we're not completely fucked or something."

Jody was fuming mad and Tavin's words of wisdom didn't help much. The entire group was miserable and it started at the top and drizzled on down to the bottom. He stayed at the table long after the others had cleared out and he sat in the dark on top of it all. Now was not the time to switch up ranks or assign new leadership. This group had a habit of doing that when they got frustrated or angry or lost. If one part was weak, though, the others picked up the slack. They trudged through loss and despair and sadness and even when times were good, which was few and far between, they still managed to carry on. When was this group of people ever on the right track and enthusiastic about anything? He'd yet to witness it in all the days they had passed with them. Having lost a major member of their table was wearing on them. The glue that held them all together through thick and thin got up and walked away. Now the other one was acting just as rash.

He wished he had a drink. Pot just didn't do anything for him. It never did. He was from a family that didn't partake in substances. Although his brothers worked in a bar, they rarely drank. They couldn't imbibe and keep a troup of boys alive, safe and fed. They stuck out most of their days sober and stressed and at times distressed. Jody felt it wearing on himself, wanting as opposed to needing a drink and then he realized how lucky he was he could choose to do so and not worry. Not care if the nest was on the strong steel fence and not care if zoms were outside. He was safe and that was a blessing.

Perhaps they were all too demanding of Chess. He could only do as much as the people he had at his side. Could they honestly do more? Jody sat thinking and it dawned on him that the answer was a resounding and loud 'no'. They were overstretched as it was. Unskilled, but making due. His group had no advantage over any other group in the world short of a fence. Two groups they'd witnessed that day were larger and had more hands, but his own small skeleton crew had accomplished just as much over the last few months. Julia was right all along. He was unable to provide and everyone was expecting it of him not the group as a whole. Chess was taking responsibility for it all when the responsibility rested on all of their shoulders. With or without Morgan at the table, they'd be in the same situation. If she hadn't departed, she would shoulder the blame and have all eyes on her. She would be only able to rally them when they were down. Julia Fry seemed to be taking that on and tackling it with kindness and empathy and understanding. He'd witnessed her at the compound with Miller. She was confident, poised, well versed in all that they had going on. Whether too many projects at once or not enough to go around to complete them. She knew what she was talking about. Even though she possessed no special, psychic gift, she had an innate ability to read people and their moods and target what was bothering someone. Enablers and people pleasers were prone to that.

Jody watched Chess enter the caf and then forge his way through the kitchen. He had a feeling he knew what he was doing and where he was going. Looking for that out that Julia Morgan had taken a few weeks prior. Jody rose and followed, but this individual he stopped and refused to allow him to set one foot outside the fence.

"Nah, not happening." Jody had his hands on him and yanked the little body out of the pantry and into the kitchen. He hated to physically touch the guy and Chess was not one for personal touching of any kind outside of the girl he was with. Or guy, depending on the decade or state from what Jody had heard more recently about him and Ben. His activity was fairly common knowledge and not really discussed. They'd alluded to the Ben-Chess affair, Jay and Tavin, but he'd never really outed himself. Then there was Damon and Mia, but they and Chess had virtually no interaction in the slightest so far. Mia and Damon were a quiet and distant duo, keeping everyone at arm's length, lacking any bond or trust yet.

"Let me go, Jo." He demanded, but in a noninsistant way. He sounded more annoyed than he sounded angry. Jody gave him a push once he set him down and he stumbled away from the pantry, righting himself. An agile little guy Chess was. 

"What the fuck ya doing, Jo?" He asked.

"Keeping you from making the same mistake she did."

Chess slid himself back onto the counter behind him and he thought about that.

"You don't need her." Jody insisted. "You got one just as good right here. Give her a chance."

"I am. But-"

"You do not need her." Jody repeated. "None of us need her."

"We can do this." Chess stated quietly.

"Yeah, I have been telling you that." Jody repeated that statement. He had said it to Jay. He had said it to Tavin. He had said it to Alex and Julia, too. He hated saying it, because they all didn't believe it. "She will be back. End of story." Jody hated to sound preachy. He hated to sound like he knew how much each person depended on her in some way or another. He was not quite sure how she had managed to cause that dependency, but she had. He had never had a similar dependence. He had formed a friendship, but nothing more. He hadn't been snared by her and as far as he knew, she had never tried or devoted the time to doing it. His relationship with Morgan was not codependent. He didn't need her to survive or tell him how. The only hold that she had over them was the one they allowed her to have. As the days and weeks passed, he realized Jayson may be a lost cause when it came to her, but the rest of them should have been able to let go easily. Tavin had been the one to let it slide and move on as if it didn't affect him at all. Why couldn't Chess?

"Yeah, ok." He said. "Time. It takes time."

"I was thinking about it and I think we are trying to take on too much at once." Jody announced.

"I have been saying that. None of you listens to me."

"But you think we listen to her better."

"Yes." He answered. "I'm sure of it."

"No, I don't think so. Everyone knew everything at home and now that it's here and the time has come, no one knows a fucking thing."

"Oh, well,"

"It's true. Everyone was so excited 3 months ago. You people planned this out, down to the smallest detail. So what's the fucking problem?"

"Doesn't feel right."

"Tweaked the plan to get rid of a street gang."

"Didn't substitute it with anything though."

"That is what me and Julia are trying to do, Chess."

"Hindsight is 20/20."

"You have hindsight. You been through this before. It's not the first war with the dead and it's not the first trip through this zombie world. So, hindsight is clear as day. What do you want?"

"To grow weed and nail my girlfriend." He laughed.

"Stick a plant in the window and fuck her, then." Jody answered. "What about tomorrow?"

"You're awful pushy about this, Mayers."

"I wanna go to Vegas." He said, sliding up on the counter next to him.

"Huh?" Chess asked him, unsure whether he meant the city or Julia's creation called Vegas.

"Vegas. I wanna go to Vegas."

"I see. Do you know what Vegas is, Jo?"

"I do. Do you?" He asked.

"Oh, I believe I do. You know who goes to Vegas, Jo?" He asked, trying not to laugh. He couldn't picture Mayers anywhere near Vegas with any combination of the four who'd manufactured Vegas.

"I know who enters and I know what goes on there. I didn't say I wanted to go with you."

"Oh, well, uh...kinda hard to get there without one of the four of us."

"No, it is not. I wanna go with a person I choose."

"Well, go do that then. Without the 4 of us, Vegas isn't Vegas. Vegas is just sex with someone."

"No, it's not." He argued. "Not the room I saw. That's where I wanna go and I never got there. I definitely am not interested in going with you, her or them."

"I can't wait to see this room myself." He sighed.

"Build it."

"Build it and they will come, Jo." Chess joked dryly.

"In a manner of speaking. Yes. It's the prize at the bottom of the cereal box, Chess. Don't you wanna go?"

"I been there. I could go now. It would take some convincing, but...you know...Vegas is not a big deal. It's only sex. Drunk and dirty sex, Jo, swapping around and whatnot. It's really not the ideal situation. Just something we used to do."

"Went beyond the four of you."

"Shouldn't have, but it did. I don't wanna do that anymore. I feel like I got a second chance to do it right and do it all over again."

"I like her, Chess."

"So do I. I more than like her. She's easy to trust. Easy to trust me and she should not. I have told her not to get her hopes up and not think that...she doesn't believe me is all." He said. "Like I can screw this up big time and she will wind up getting hurt in the end." He admitted that somewhat begrudgingly. "You know, that's kinda why I don't wanna move real fast on this. I don't need a bunch of extra people around here. Especially women. I am not worried about her looking anywhere else. I'm worried about me looking around. It would be so easy to fuck this up."

"So you wanna leave and go find Morgan to do what? Fuck it up?"

"Not sure. It felt right at the time." He answered. "I could just disappear too. Just like her. Like she told you, it's a big world out there." He laughed a little. "When I feel like shit, it's fun to be with Morgan cause she feels like shit too and she understands or she makes sense of it. I can't do that. Make sense of it. She points me in a certain direction. She knows..."

"Has Morgan ever pointed you in the right direction?"

"Sure." He agreed right away. "Jo, I don't expect you to understand it. There's not words to describe it. How she makes me feel when I feel like this."

"It would be easier to leave it up to fate."

"Fate, huh?"

"Yeah. It's what I said." Jody replied.

"Eh, do we settle for this? Sit in the dark and wait it out? Slow and steady wins the race."

"Slow and steady." Jody nodded. "I don't know. I really don't know."

"I never asked for anything I ever got in this world. It is just handed to me and I deal with it. I never make things happen. I work with what I got and that is that."

As he and Jody sat in the kitchen on the counter talking, they were interrupted by the flicker of the lamps above their heads. "You see that, Chess?"

"I saw it." He replied. "And then there was light." Chess smiled as he looked up at the fluorescent bulbs above his head.